Life as we know it!

Dear Teacher, (6)

2011-10-16T21:17:00.000-05:00

I can't believe you actually called me today! I have written about you before here, so its kinda redundant to say how much it means to me that you called me to catch up!

First of all, congratulations! You are now a grandma! I am sure you are very happy to finally meet the little one :)

Second of all, I am excited to hear that you are here in the US visiting your daughter, in Houston (!), and are going to be here for a few months! I will definitely see if I can make a trip to Houston just to meet you. Its been so many years since we have met! I have missed you!

Even if we can't meet, I am glad that I can at least talk to you from time to time while you are here in the US and continue talking to you even after you leave! I don't intend on losing touch with you any time soon :)

I want you to know how much I love you, respect you and look up to you. You are an amazing teacher and I am the luckiest kid to have had you as my teacher for so many years in school. Thank you for always being so supportive of me. Thank you for having faith in me. It made my day to hear you say you are proud of me to find me here in Dallas, being independent and doing my Ph.D.

I can't help but wonder if you know.... I admire you :) You are one of my favourite role models and you always have been :)

Here is hoping we get to meet sometime soon!

Your loving student,
MG

Little Wonders

2011-10-04T21:48:00.005-05:00

Lab meetings are never fun. At least never for the person presenting. Our lab has a habit of having a "roundtable" meeting every now and then where every lab member must present one powerpoint slide on what they have been upto that whole month.

Today was particularly brutal for a girl that I work with. She's a research technician in our lab as well as our lab manager. Apart from her administrative duties, she has been very enthusiastic about learning bench work and science and new techniques. After being bounced from project to project, she finally found something she could sink her teeth in when she was put on my project.

I love learning. If anybody is willing to teach me, I love to learn new stuff. Science and lab work is no different. I remember how excited I was when I started off on my first project as an undergrad. It was an amazing experience. So I don't really believe that our research tech should be treated like a "tech" who is concerned only with techniques. I try to explain to her why we do what we do and get her to think about what she is doing. After all the growing pains part, we now have a pretty good system between us.

For anybody who has mentored a person in lab techniques, the day the your student is no longer a cause for delay in your experiments but is actually helping move the experiment at twice the speed it should, is a very proud day indeed. Where my project is right now, I could never have gotten to this point so quickly if it wasn't for the tech's contributions.

Today's lab meeting was terrible for her though. For the first time, we ran into a roadblock in the project and she has been working hard on trying to troubleshoot without turning to me for help. But our boss doesn't even let her present. Instead my student was insulted, criticized (not constructive at all), and embarrassed in front of the whole group for no reason. That sucked.

Right after lab meeting, I went looking for the tech but I couldn't find her anywhere. She had left to go home early. I was kinda worried about her. Its not easy to stand up in front of a lab that views you as "just a tech" and talk about science to a bunch of grad students and post docs. Its even worse when your boss doesnt appreciate your efforts.

Andy suggested I write an email to her. The techtard that I am, the possibilities and wonders of the emailing system escaped my mind. So I wrote to her, telling her I think she is doing a great job on the project and that she should be proud of all that she has learnt and how far she has come. Here is what I said -

"Hey there,

I tried to find you after lab meeting but I think you have left for the day. I just wanted to tell you not to take anything the boss said to heart in the wrong way. I saw you look quite dejected.

I think you are doing awesome on the project and this project wouldnt have moved forward so fast without your work towards it! :) You are constantly learning techniques, with some more experience, you will learn how to analyze results as well :)

You are doing great!!! Keep up the good work!!!

MG"

Its not much I know. But apparently it made a difference that I sent that email.

I got a reply from her. (There was more to the reply than what I have shown here but all that is just between me and the tech :) )

"Thanks girl. I really needed that.

I really appreciate you realizing I might need a pick me up even though you're going through so much. If you ever need anything, let me know :-)"

No matter how crappy the day can get, no matter what happens that brings you down, no matter how sad you are, its little things like these everyday that make life so darn beautiful. As I type this post, I know that in future I am going to have several other posts that warrant the title "Little wonders" and its knowing that these small things happen everyday that makes life worth living :)

Happiness is not always about the big things in life. Happiness finds its way to you in the most unexpected ways. Finding your favourite parking spot free, a stranger holding the door open for you, the guy at the fast food counter who managed to convince you to donate a dollar for a good cause, the car that stopped to give you way to make a turn, a new flavour of your favourite cookie, a text from a friend you haven't spoken to in forever, a fortune cooking advising you to order take-out, a pat on your back from your favourite post-doc in lab, singing in the car to your favourite CD....

A reply to the email you sent to your lab mate, showing that she knows you care and appreciates that you do :)

So have you made somebody smile today? :)

Reset the Calling

2011-10-02T22:57:00.001-05:00

Its ridiculous how dependent I have become on my phone. I mean, I always have been dependent on my phone no matter what, since I had my first cell phone. But since I got the smart phone, its been just plain ridiculous. Over the past few weeks, I have personalized it a lot! Unique ringtones, unique text notifications, email notifications, Whats app settings, gtalk settings, ringtone maker, kindle books, etc etc etc. And I need them all! Anything and everything that matters and that is important to me (or has been important over the past few weeks) are all stored in various apps.

HTC evo 3D, however, is fairly notorious for breaking down every now and then. When I had gone to the store to select my new smart phone, 5 our of the 6 people in line (the 6th person being me), had all brought their HTC evo phones because of some malfunction of the other. I wasn't being particularly smart when I zeroed in on this smart phone!

So, my phone gave me a whole bunch of trouble today evening. For no apparent reason, my phone would just freeze and reset and restart. Over and over and over again. It was practically useless. Can't make calls, send texts, check email, gtalk, nothing. Because the stupid phone kept restarting and suddenly had a mind of its own and went on strike.

After a frustrating hour, trying to figure out what went wrong, I finally opened my laptop to google out a solution. Turns out, I am not the only one with this problem. And everybody else who has had this issue, has had to reset the phone to factory settings. Wipe out everything. Reset fresh. Totally from scratch.

Damn.

I did what I had to do. I had to restore factory settings on my phone. When I turned it on again, it was like being with a stranger. Not my phone anymore. I didnt even recognize it. The wallpaper was all different, the weather read the temperature in Fahrenheit instead of my usual Celsius scale, all my favourite apps gone, ringtone set to boring old standard ringtone. Ugh. I felt like everything had changed.

I did lose a lot of stuff. All text messages were gone. All photos I got through my text messages were gone. All my apps gone. All my contacts gone. Everything erased.

Or so I thought!

SOME, not all, remained saved in my memory card (which apparently did not get reset). So all the photos I had taken with my phone camera were still there. When I re-downloaded kindle, it automatically took me to the page in the book where I had stopped. When I downloaded my ringtone app, it came with all the unique ringtones I had created. But thats the extent of it. That is all I managed to recover.

Life can be like a smart phone sometimes. It seems to malfunction. You try to fix it, but the problems don't go away. Life freezes, unfreezes, shuts down and opens up in a manner designed to frustrate/depress/annoy the crap out of you. What do you do then?

Wouldn't it be awesome if life came with a "reset to factory settings" option? Not where everything is erased. Of course not. More like, my not-so-smart phone's reset option. Where some stuff is erased but a lot of important stuff from the past is still with you.

I wish I knew where this reset button for life existed.

But life doesn't have to be more complicated than a simple reset button. Its all upto us, ain't it? What we want to keep and what we want to leave behind, what we want to change, what we want to customize in our lives, is all up to us. I think every now and then, when we see our systems slowing down, its probably useful to sort through all the material on our hard disks and trash all the negatives and keep the positives.

We all depend on ourselves to take care of things in our own lives. Nobody is going to do it for us. Life is like your smart phone or your laptop/desktop, where you have stored everything that matters to you.

I know this sounds corny, but, don't we owe it to ourselves to clean up the negatives and back-up the positives so if the system should ever crash, we never lose what makes us happy?

P.S.: I just had to write this post. Its been soooooo long since I did an analogy post!

Empire State of Mind

2011-09-28T17:09:00.000-05:00

I have been asked before, why I don't have a travelogue since I like to go places, take pictures and talk about them so much. But I don't feel like having a separate blog just for my travels. I feel like I might get all sad if I didn't update it often enough. So I used this blog every now and then to talk about interesting places I had been to.

I realized that I havent talked about travel in quite a while!

CKR and I had gone to New York City a few months back. And the song "Empire State of Mind" played on my radio this morning. So I figured, I would post a few of my favourite pictures of NYC, set to the chorus of the song! My favourite pictures, by the way, are those that I consider "quintessentially New York City" based on stuff I have watched in movies and TV shows. So here it goes!!

New York!

Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of

(A view from the Empire State Building, Floor 86)

There's nothing you can't do!

(Times Square NY, Daytime)

Now you're in New York!

(Top of the Empire State Building, from the Empire State Building :P)

These streets will make you feel brand new

(Trademark yellow taxi cabs!!!!!! :D)

Big lights will inspire you!

(Times Square at night)

Lets hear it for New York

(Wall Street, NY subway station!)

New York

(Grand Central Station)

New York!!!!!!

(Need I say anything? :D)

That was a fun post!!!

Let me wrap it up with one final picture of something I never expected to see anywhere in the world! :P

I know where I won't be shopping anytime soon ;)

Kingdom of Random

2011-09-27T19:18:00.000-05:00

I've decided that things are a bit unnatural around here in my blog. Very... monotonous, if you will. I guess thats one of the hazards of going from a dormant blogger to an explosively active one. Damn, now I feel like watching a documentary on volcanoes. But anyways, I mention "unnatural" because this thought occurred to me as I was talking to Andy today. I realized that in real life, the people who are ALWAYS the happy-go-lucky kinds usually don't end up becoming my closest friends. Because there is something very fundamentally unnatural and superficial about somebody who is never ever ever ever ever down in the dumps. Come on, we are all human, we all have our happy times and our sad times. My closest and best friends are those people with whom, I not only share a laugh but also a tear every now and then.

My blog, or at least my feel as a blogger, for quite a few months now, has been largely introspective or nostalgic. Not much of a variety, very little goofy. So I want to shake things up a bit.

As a treat for myself, I am going to write the kind of post that I enjoy writing the most..... Drumroll please..... A Random Post!!! :D In essence, I just want to type out whats on my mind, a few random things floating around in my brain. A fellow blogger whose posts I read regularly has a series of posts called "WOMM" or "Whats On My Mind". I think I need something like that every once in a while to empty my think tank. So here it is.

- There was something inherently pleasing about spending a whole day watching Mythbusters on TV with their small sample size and sketchy science. At the end of it, I found a line that I think I have fallen in love with....

"Duct Tape is like The Force, there is the light side and there is the dark side and it holds our whole universe together!"

Isn't that awesome! :P

- Speaking of TV shows, Bones gave me another line to hold on to and laugh about every now and then. Maybe even ponder over it but it was really funny when I first watched it.

Dr. Hodgins - Have you found the cause of death yet?
Fisher - Yeah, its the same as it is everytime
Dr. Hodgins - Yeah? And whats that?
Fisher - Life.... Life is always the cause of death!

Yeah yeah I know, its kinda morbid but you'd have to watch the show to understand why it made me laugh so hard!

- Speaking of duct tape, my dear dear dear car might need some to hold the side whatchumalit up. Yeah thats right. I am very car terminology savvy :P But I am afraid of using duct tape because I don't want to damage the paint of my car. I already tried Super Glue, it wasn't super enough. Well, if Super Glue is not enough, time to go hunt for awesome glue to fix this problem. For now, scotch tape to the rescue!

- Speaking of my dear dear dear car.... how is it possible that after a year and a half of owning such a beautiful piece of equipment, I have not yet blogged about it!!! I need to dedicate a blog post to my faithful and loving car :)

- I have decided to try something new and learn to sketch and paint comics and manga. I feel excited and apprehensive at the same time. Really, this new adventure is more of a methadone to something else that I am craving to do... more than anything else.... building something from scratch... with my own hands... something, anything! But I can't!!! I need inspiration and some new ideas!!!!

- Is it just me or have I started using "methadone" a lot more in my everyday vocabulary? I think it has everything to do with the project I am currently working on in lab!

Well, I think I need to conclude this post here for now because speaking of lab projects, I need to be up early in the morning and get into lab before 7am. The early grad student gets the data! Pfffft.... if only!!! :P

Phew... that was liberating as hell. I feel so much better now! :)

My Fruit Cups!

2011-09-26T19:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so today's blog post's title is actually an episode title from Scrubs :P Don't judge! I really couldn't help myself. I initially wanted to title it "Cake Walk", but then decided that it wasn't descriptive enough. I considered "My Cake Walk". Sounded very Scrubs-ish. I figured, if I am going to sound like scrubs, might as well go all the way! :)

Enough about the title. On to the post!

So it all started with a conversation I was having this evening with CKR. We were talking about how things have been these past few months for her and for me. She recently shifted labs (no small feat!) and I know its been a rough time for her. But she has finally found a Ph.D home where she feels happy! :D Here's to some amazing doctoral research for her! :D

Anyhoo, it occurred to us during our conversation that for all the bitching that we do, we rarely realize how much the struggles and trials of our life, that are seemingly insurmountable, make life a lot sweeter. I mean, if everything was handed to us on a silver platter, would we value all the things that we have with us?

It got me thinking about my own struggles and the fruit of my efforts (hence the title!). Its not exactly been a cake walk getting to this point. But then again, some of the best cake in the world is the cake that you work hard to bake from scratch by yourself right?

*gets lost in thought, J.D. style!*

- In school I had a math teacher who really inspired me. I HATED math before I was in her class. But after having a talk with her, I realized that I could actually be good at this subject if only I put in the effort! Of course, it was almost too late of a realization because I spent my entire childhood avoiding math and my very basics (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division) were pretty weak. 3 times 3 could be 6 for me! Anyway, ever since my teacher inspired me and challenged me to complete an exam and get 100% of my answers correct. I was in hot pursuit for that elusive perfect score. I tried and tried and tried and tried... for four long years I tried. Exam after exam, I'd get close.... really close... but then lose out on something ridiculously careless. Finally, in my final year of high school, one of the last exams I would ever write in school, when nearly all hope was lost, I managed to get the perfect score! And I will bet you everything I own that nobody else could have been as proud of that exam as my math teacher and I were. We KNEW how difficult it was for me to get to that point! :D

Similarly,

- Worked at my studies for my first semester in college. Got a crappy GPA. Worked smart for the next semester, got tons of As. I valued those As a lot more because I didn't take them for granted :)

- Applied to 13 graduate schools. Got 12 rejection letters. One acceptance letter. I value that single acceptance letter because I know what it feels like to get a rejection letter :)

- Lived with a room mate I couldn't get along with for 2 years. Now I have my own apartment. I value this new found freedom that I have a lot more knowing what its like to live with somebody you don't get along with :)

- Lived in Dallas without a car for a year. Depended a ton on people to drive me to grocery stores to get basic food supplies. I have walked down scary streets to go to the nearest store to find food. I appreciate my car so much more now because I know how crappy life was without it :)

- Did 4 rotations in labs, each one seeming more unlikely than the previous to have funding to support me as a grad student. By the end of my third rotation, I thought I wasn't going to be able to find myself a Ph.D home which could fund me. I value my lab that I work in right now so much, because I almost didn't get in there and I had to fight my way and prove myself to get in :)

- Lived away from home for 2 years. My visit back to India was so unbelievably amazing because I finally understood how hard it really is to live far away from home and how amazing it feels to have family settled close by. It makes a huge difference. I know that now :)

- Didn't have friends for a year and a half so when I did eventually find them, I learnt to appreciate the importance of a good friend a ton more :)

So yeah... moral of the story, no matter how difficult things seem, if you work hard, hang in there and stay true to yourself, everything will sort out and what you get out of that is definitely a lot sweeter than just having everything handed to you :)

Here is the trick though that I am trying to become good at. Once you get stuff that is of value to you, you need to work to keep it so it stays with you!

I had to continue studying hard to keep my GPA up in undergrad, I still had to pass a qualifying exam to stay in the grad school that accepted me, I still am getting used to the responsibilities that come with having my own apartment, I still need to maintain my car regularly so it keeps running, I still need to work hard in lab and produce data to keep proving to everybody and myself that it was worth taking me in as a grad student despite financial problems that come with taking in an international student (funding is low in NIH for international students plus PI has to pay for my visa), I still have to live away from home and be strong so my family has nothing to worry about (shout out to mom and dad - there is nothing to worry about!!! I am happy and I am doing well!!!), and just finding good friends isn't enough, I gotta learn to be a good friend to all my friends who are here in my life.

So.... Here is where I stand

Even though struggling to get stuff in life can sometimes suck, I wouldn't have it any other way. No matter how difficult it gets, when things finally fall in place, I always learn something from it. And when that moment of "enlightenment" hits you, you realize...

Its all worth the wait. Its all worth the struggle :) :) :)

Driven to sing!

2011-09-25T11:21:00.000-05:00

My weekday routine these days, is pretty set. I wake up around 5 or 5:30am and am usually out of my apartment by 6:30 or 6:45am. I love this. Because I love waking up pre-dawn and then driving to work at dawn is so refreshing! Keeps me awake all day.

In terms of music, I am pretty well set too. Morning music is mellow, to suit the mood of dawn. Its the kind of music you would hum to, but not necessarily sing out loud. I feel calm, happy and at peace with the world around me.

Driving back home is a different matter all together! And it totally depends on what my day was like. On a bad day, I am probably listening to my Linkin Park CD, singing/screaming out with it, to relieve all stress/anger/angst/whatever negative stuff accumulated over the day.

On a good day, its kinda different. I am listening to my favourite songs! The kind of song that make you wanna... well.... break out in song! :P

And I know for a fact I am not the only person who does it. Often times, I stop at a traffic light, some car pulls up right beside me, and sitting in the driver's seat is this person who is singing out loud, clearly putting in a lot of soul into the music! It always makes me smile :) Watching somebody else sing happily to tunes while driving is a much better cure to my angst than any amount of screaming to a Linkin Park CD :)

So this one evening, I am in a really good mood for some reason, so I pop in my favourite CD and tune into my favourite songs and start singing out loud. And I have to come to a stop at a traffic light, but I am still singing! Right next to my car, stops this truck, a guy in the driver's seat with his window rolled down suddenly turns and looks at me.

Me - *singing happily*

Truck pulls up next to me

Me - *turn to look at the vehicle that just pulled over next to me*

Truck guy - *coincidentally looks at me the same time I look at him*

Me - *awkward pause in singing*

Truck guy - *still looking at the crazy girl in the car who was singing*

Me - *grin like an idiot at the truck guy and wave*

Cue - traffic light turns green at the right moment

Me - *drive away, still singing happily*

And here is what I really hope had happened

Truck guy - *suddenly feels happy and has a good drive to wherever he was headed*

Or am I the only weird person who feels happy everytime I see somebody else who is really happy about something?!!!!

P.S.: I gotta say, all people that I have seen singing out loud and happy in a car are all women... Why is this? Am I just not spotting guys who sing or do guys just not consider it "manly" to be happy and sing out loud while driving? :P :P

The Un-fortune-ate cookie

2011-09-22T14:47:00.000-05:00

I got a fortune cookie today with my lunch. And guess what it said....

.......................................................................................................

:-/

Seriously???????????

:P

Who am I?

2011-09-21T23:02:00.001-05:00

Trust me to get lost in my own thoughts late at night and to come up with a blog post titled "Who am I?"!!! :P Those of you who have stuck with my blog for long enough know that this is nothing out of the ordinary.... MG is famous for her identity crisis posts. I have posts wondering, do I want to go back to India to settle, do I want to stay in science, did I do the right thing coming to Dallas for a Ph.D, etc. Nothing new really.

Except this time it feels different inside of me. Usually when I write an identity crisis post, I am freaking out inside, kinda depressed and overall low. But right now, as I type this out, I am completely alright. I feel very stable, I feel neutral, not depressed, I feel calm. I don't feel worried at all. I know my mom and dad read my blog religiously so here is me telling them not to worry about me, I know I have been busy off late but I am alright, I am doing good and there is nothing to worry about! This is me thinking out loud.

Who am I? For the first time, I actually feel confident answering this. When I opened my laptop to write this post, I thought it was going to be another turmoil-filled post with me concluding I have no idea who I really am. But now, I am typing at the speed of my thoughts and I am pleasantly surprised to see that I know who I am and I am even more surprised to know I feel confident about it.

I am crazy. It is taxing to be my friend. I can be funny, I know I have made people laugh. I feel miserable sometimes about being so far away from home, but more than that, I also know I am the luckiest girl on earth because anytime I feel bad, literally, any time of the day, if I feel bad, I have friends all over this planet who will be in a time zone where they are actually awake, to talk things out with me. If ever there is even a teardrop in my eye, there are people all over the world, who if they found out about it, would worry about me. I am the luckiest girl to have a family in India who understand me, understand my needs and love me and know that I always always will love them with all my heart. So why the heck have I been so insecure? Why the heck have I kept doubting myself? I must be a decent person to have found friends who love me and whom I love.

I know who I am. I can swing from being immature to being kinda adult-ish. But I know who I truly am. I am immature. I have a ton of growing up to do. I've been so busy focusing on people around me that I never stopped to take a look at myself and do what I need to do. Clueless was right all along. I have the capacity in me to be independent and strong. She was right when she said I could grow as a person who needs to solely depend on herself for happiness. I am not there yet but I am getting there.

I know who I am. I know I am capable of being the most selfish person you have ever seen. I know I do that a lot. But I also know that I am capable of change. Its a theme in my life that I used to resent at first but now, its my most favourite thing in the world - change is the only thing constant. And it feels good to FINALLY understand what its like to completely and totally believe in that idea, I have surrendered myself to that concept and tonight, for the first time, I feel free.

I know who I am. I make bad choices all the time. I know I suck at figuring people out. I am horrible at being able to express what I truly feel inside. I know that very often, when I sincerely care about somebody and tell them as much, it can seem like an insincere statement. I know there are a lot of people in my life who are my "friends" because they feel obligated in some way to be my friend. But tonight, for the first time, I feel like I don't really care about any of that. Because I know that the people who truly care about me, no obligations, are the only people I need to be worried about. Today, for the first time, like an epiphany of some sort, I have realized who are the people in my life who are with me because they truly value my friendship and believe in me.

I remember a time, since I got to Dallas, I was always chasing after something, telling myself I needed to acquire something in order to be truly happy.

"Once I settle in a lab, I will be happy. Once I buy a car, I will be happy. Once I get my own apartment, I will be happy. Once I make a trip to India, I will be happy. Once I get a smart phone, I will be happy".

But right now, for the first time in 2 years, I am not chasing anything to be happy. Goodness gracious me, why do I feel so secure in my life all of a sudden????!!!!

I know who I am. And suddenly, every little thing that used to bother me before, doesn't bother me anymore. I can't explain this change. I can't explain why I feel this way. I cannot explain what just happened that made me completely embrace the concept of change and feel blessed to have it in my life. Change, is the best thing ever. Yeah, it meant having to go away from home, it meant having to leave friends behind, but it also meant gaining a sense of security in the love that I get from my family and the friends that truly care. Change means having a chance to start over fresh and make sure you don't make the same mistakes you made the last time.

Life is suddenly exciting to me. Yeah, so what if I am super immature now. So what if I was needy in the past. So what if I was insecure. I don't give a damn.

My life is just starting... and I have a lot of growing up to do!

I am going to do great all on my own :)

Lonely no more!

2011-09-19T11:45:00.001-05:00

I am still working on what Clueless had asked me to think about a couple of years ago. Which is, to enjoy my own company and not feel bad if I am sitting around alone at a movie theatre or at a restaurant, but to feel secure in my own company that I find it enjoyable. I managed the watch movie alone in a theatre part of that list, it wasn't a problem at all, especially since the theatre I chose was my favourite one (with couches and cheap tickets!). But the part, where its me being alone at home, I thought I wasn't making any progress at all, until this weekend happened and I realized something was different.

I haven't been in much human contact this weekend, which is completely out of character. The only forms of contact where over the phone, a few texts, a few phone calls from home and from Madison (CKR!). But otherwise it was me and myself. And no, I wasn't depressed or sad. I actually found I didn't mind my own company!

Saturday morning, I had to come into lab to help out a fellow labmate. She is one of my favourite post docs in lab and she had to be at home with her son, but there were a couple of minor things to do in lab. I volunteered to drive over and help out with the lab stuff so she wouldn't have to come in. After that, cooked some simple indian food for lunch (and dinner) and spent the rest of the day reading my book, watching movies (Hunt for Red October and Life in a Metro). Nothing special. Just your average Saturday, lazing around, watching movies and reading books. It wasn't here that I found a change in my attitude to being on my own...

Come Sunday, I don't know what it was, but gut feeling told me that I would be on my own this day as well. I thought it would bother me, but it didn't! I took precautions anyways and decided I was going to watch something that I liked and something that would make me happy. The choice was "Batman - Under the Red Hood". While watching this, inspiration struck and I spent the rest of the day making trips to the art store and painting and making more trips to the art store as I ran out of supplies. I completed 4 paintings in one afternoon. All while watching the show "Bones".

Now here is the weird part. I feel like I cheated somehow. That I cannot count this weekend as truly me being happy in my own company. I had painting to distract me, for one. Any time I get an idea/inspiration, I get so possessed by it that I can't sit still till the painting is all done. So maybe I was just distracted by it. Here is the crazy part, another part of me that thinks it wasn't the painting that made the difference, it was watching "Bones". I was a fan of the show and have watched all seasons of it. I hadn't watched it in a long long long long time because I knew all the plots and twists and almost always remembered who the bad guy was. But this weekend, I watched Bones again, and now I am sitting at work, and it suddenly occurred to me, did I not feel lonely because in some strange sense, I was "hanging out" with the characters in Bones?

When I had bought Smallville season 4 DVD a few months ago and watched it after what seemed like forever, it was like a reunion with old friends, Clark Kent, Lex Luthor, Chloe and Lana. Watching Bones yesterday, all day long, laughing with the characters and all, made it feel like another reunion.

I know I sound completely crazy. I would create a tag that says "crazy" to label this post but I decided the "Yours weirdly" tag would suffice for now. The term "crazy" is a whole other can of worms that I intend to write about sometime soon here.

So, did I just cheat on the whole "lonely no more" thing? Do I really not mind my own company, or was watching my comfort shows just the methadone to the heroin that is real human company? Or maybe a combination of wanting to paint and watching my comfort shows is what kept my spirits up this weekend?

Whatever be the case, its definitely an improvement from where I stood just a couple of months back. It may not seem like a huge achievement, but it means a lot to me, because I am slowly beginning to believe that, hey, maybe I really can depend on myself. Maybe I do have it in me to take care of myself. And maybe, just maybe, I will keep getting better at being stronger :)

Tag initiation

2011-09-16T16:44:00.001-05:00

One of my favourite things to write blog posts on were tags. But since I have been so out of touch with my fellow bloggers, I really haven't been tagged in anything. But I just randomly came up with a potential tag for myself (and anybody else who is interested).

Pick 10 objects on and around your work desk and write something about each of them, why is that item there and what significance does it hold to you?

- A fridge magnet taped to my desk

I bought this little trinket for myself at the airport. It reads "my job is to be like a duck. Calm + unruffled on the surface, paddling like crazy underneath!"

- A stuffed white rat

His name is Sebastian. I bought him at Ikea for myself, just to keep on my desk, since all my work is done on rats. It seemed very fitting.

- A PhD comic strip on F-1 student visa (which you can see here)

Well, I am an international student and I just found it amusing how damn close to true the comic is! It reminds me to smile at being an international student here rather than angst about being away from home!

- A post it note from a colleague that reads "Good luck! I know you will do great!"

I started learning survival surgeries in rats as soon as I joined my new lab. And my first few attempts did not go well. Determined to master the procedure, I decided to lock myself in the surgery room and practice till I got it right. When I got back to my desk after a day of hard work, I found this note from somebody who knew how frustrated I was with my lack of progress. It was an amazing form of encouragement... still is!!! :)

- A short letter from Dad joking about using some money that is supposedly mine to fund a trip for him to Kenya for a Safari, the back side of that paper has the estimated costs of such a trip. Pinned behind this letter is the envelope that it came in, with my home address in India

This reminds me of all the things I want to do for my mom and dad when I eventually have enough money. A trip to Paris, a trip to Kenya, maybe a nice SUV. And the home address on the envelope serves as a reminder to me of where I come from, so I don't forget who I am and how I got here (I know... heavy stuff! :P)

- A small stack of origami paper

To de-stress on days that I feel overwhelmed. There is something extremely zen about folding objects out of paper. Its very soothing and calms me down.

- Lots and lots of fortunes out of fortune cookies!

I have decided... this is one of my strange things, I shall collect the fortune from fortune cookies and see how many I have by the time I graduate from grad school! One day, I shall sit and read through all of them and have a good laugh :) My personal favourite out of this collection?

"You may be hungry soon: order a takeout now"

- My minion!

I made him! Need I say more? :)

- A kitten calendar

Clueless sends me one every year for my birthday :)

- A generic penstand (used to be a beaker earlier :P :P)

To remind myself that I should stop being lazy and make a nice personalized penstand for myself!!!! If possible, before I graduate :P :P

Here is my random post.... I have been craving to write a random post and now its out of my system :)

If you have a blog and are wondering what to write as your next post, maybe you should try this tag :)

Me, myself and MG

2011-09-16T14:58:00.002-05:00

After spending a long time in blogsphere hibernation, I feel the sudden burst of blog topics in my mind. I don't know why. But I know its not very often that I find topics that "click" in my head and translate into a blog post. So... I'm making hay while the sun shines I guess. Writing posts while I feel inspired. Even if that means multiple posts in a day.

My re-entry into the world of blogging doesn't just stop at me reading my own blog posts and writing new ones. I have been blog hopping a lot and reading and catching up with blogs from some of the my friends. Its been fun to read blogs of people you know personally because their blog sort of gives a glimpse into what is going on in their minds.

But thats the thing about blogging for some of us right? I know there are blogs dedicated to special topics, like painting, movie reviews etc etc. But those of us that blog about life in general, tend to be kinda self-obsessed, self-centric in our posts. Its all about what I did today, what I was thinking, what happened to me years ago, funny incident that happened when I was around. Me, myself and MG.

So how appropriate is my blog title... "life as WE know it".....?

Really? Nope, not really. Its life as I know it.

It sounds kinda... I dont know... is selfish an appropriate term? Selfish to blog only about whats going on in my life.

But hey, as a blogger who has been around for 6 years, I can guarantee you its therapeutic, so not such a bad thing! Maybe its ok to be thinking about life as it revolves around me for a bit. Maybe its ok to analyze my life for a bit here. Because I know a few years down the line, when I look back at my archive and read my posts, I will see how far I have gone.

So here is the deal....

I love this blog page. I have taken as good care as it as I can. Its a sort of home to me. And I treat it like that. I try to keep it neat and well-maintained. yeah, once in a while, I forget to dust the cobwebs. But I always seem to come back to bring it back in shape! I chose my template with great care, I personalized everything on this page to suit me best. I know I don't get as many comments these days as I used to a few years ago, but I also find that this does not distress me. I am happy if people read my posts but I am also ok if people don't. Until recently, I didn't even know I had followers! I am not going to monetize my blog, that is not its purpose. My blog caters to me, my thoughts, my experiences. And I love the function it has in my life! Its like a friend that is always there, not judging me when I forget to write once in a while, but always happy to see me come back! :)

I suddenly feel self-conscious of thinking out aloud here, all serious and what not :P

Here is my prediction...

I am going to be spending the next I dunno how many hours, trying to think of a funny or semi-funny post to write so that I can publish that and push this post in my archives :P

The second first impression

2011-09-16T10:36:00.002-05:00

So I've heard - You never get a second chance at making a first impression.

It kinda makes sense to me in a way. I mean, its called a "first" impression for a reason right? And its kinda scary. You'd have to meet me to understand why that is the case. I usually don't make an impression the first time I meet somebody. I am quiet. Sometimes awkwardly so. Its hard to make an impression when you don't say anything!

But then again, just because I am not saying what's on my mind, doesn't mean I am not thinking it! How is somebody supposed to know whether I am funny, smart or just generally a nice person (and a fun person) to be around unless I say something?!

First impressions....

When I think of that... two people come to mind, very distinctly! This post is for them, because I am really happy that first impressions can change over time! :)

Person 1 - First day in Singapore, Dad was with me. He flew to Singapore with me to make sure I stayed there and didn't fly back on the next plane home :P And of course to help me settle in a new place. I was supposed to have an orientation talk for the Life Science program. So we walk to the foyer of the residence I was staying at. We bump into a girl, who like me, is also a new Life Science student in NUS. Except, she is completely oblivious about the orientation program I was going to attend. So the three of us meet at the foyer and this is how it goes...

Girl - Hi!

Dad - Hi!

Me - *smile quietly*

Girl - I am a first year life science student!

Dad - Oh really? She (points at me) is a first year life science student too! Are you going to the orientation talk now too?

Girl - Orientation talk? I had no idea there was one right now!

Dad - Oh! Did you want to go with us to the lecture theatre?

Girl - Why not, its not like I am doing anything else

Me - *quiet*

So yeah, her first impression of me, Dad apparently does all the talking for me!

This is how I met clueless. Apparently once I start talking, I am not such a bad person to hang around :) And we hung out together for 4 years through our undergrad

Person 2 - Journal club. One out of the three journal clubs I was required to attend as a first year in Dallas. We had Cells, Genes and Proteins. Proteins were supposed to be my field of "expertise" given the background of my undergraduate research and course work. So I walked in excited (because honestly, the Genes Journal Club BOMBED for me!). I sit opposite to person 2. I wasn't sure if she recognized me. We had spoken once before but while waiting for the professor to come in, she showed no signs of recognition. I brush it aside. Journal club starts. The rest of what happened is really a fuzzy memory. I do remember feeling terribly intimidated. Even though I knew a lot about the papers we were discussing, I barely spoke up. After journal club sessions were over, I didn't really meet this girl again for a long long long time. I thought I made absolutely no impression.

This was my first impression on Andy. But today, apparently I am not as dull as I thought (or seemed)! We now talk everyday over gtalk, texts, phone calls, hanging out, anything fun!

So yeah... first impressions...

So what if I didn't get a second chance at making a first impression....

Its the real impression of me on their mind that counts! :)

Forward march!

2011-09-15T16:00:00.000-05:00

So, I have been indulging in one of my favourite things to do on the internet, reading blogs! And recently, apart from my sporadic posts, I have become a lot more aware of my own blog and what it holds.

It all started with a friend, who has never been featured in my blog before, and whom I shall call Andy from here on :) She got around to visiting my blog and reading some of my earlier posts, and as and when she was reading, she'd say something about the post on my gtalk chat window, which made me realize what she was upto! So I started re-reading my earlier posts, just to look at my blog from a fresh perspective. And as I was doing that, I stumbled across a post I had written in December 2009. Just before New Years. And I found this list of things that I wanted to have done.

Now, it gives me great pleasure to feature the list once again on my blog and proudly claim my achievements!

- Get an American Driver's license
Failed twice but third time was indeed the charm! Got my license to ~~kill~~ drive

- Own a car (woohoo! can't wait!)
I am currently the proud owner of a 2003 Hyundai Elantra! His name is Aryan :)

- Get a couple of credit cards (my first ever ones... I am growing up!)
After a couple of rejections, I did manage to accomplish this as well! Now I really wish the credit card companies would stop sending me mails :-/

- Settle in a lab that will be my home for the next 5 years
Getting my PhD in a lab studying Adult Neurogenesis! So yeah, I found me a PhD home :)

- Settle in a program in the university that I will graduate under
Um... ok... I did that... but... um... not to proud to mention which program I selected so lets just say.. mission accomplished :P :P :P

- Complete a good chunk of my qualifying exam proposal (if not all of it!)
Ph.D candidate in da house!!! :D :D :D

- Get more furniture in my apartment and settle down properly into my apartment
I moved into a brand new single bedroom apartment in a very pretty neighbourhood! And I did manage to get furniture! Thanks to Andy, I have an awesome bed, I bought a couch from a lab mate who is moving out of Texas, got a free TV from another lab mate, bought an xbox, kitchen is getting stocked up quite rapidly thanks to Andy and soon, she will help me put up some paintings and sketches of mine on the walls to complete the pretty apartment! :)

- No longer call this place "my apartment" and call it "home" instead
It is my home now :) I love it to bits! Especially when I have my friends over! :D :D :D

- Travel to at least 3-4 places outside of Dallas (at least 2 outside Texas)
Wisconsin, New York, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Illinois.... so far...!! And loads of travelling within Texas! :D :D :D

- At least one of the above mentioned travels should be a road trip in my own car
With mom and dad when they came to visit. We drove to Austin, San Antonio, Canyon Lake... in my very own car!!! Aryan!!! :D

In addition to this list, I am doing a lot of other cool things that I used to keep angsting and whining about on this blog. I now have steady hobbies, I paint a lot, sketch, knit once in a while and I do read books, not as much as I would like to, but at least it isn't an absolute zero the way it used to be! :)

So 2 years in Dallas, where do I stand?

Wherever it is, I'd say its a pretty good place to be :)

I am happy :)

Dear Teacher, (5)

2011-09-05T15:30:00.000-05:00

I don't know if this is some kind of weird coincidence. I really don't know. I have barely been keeping track of dates and months. I just live life by the day, thats how hectic things are at lab. I can differentiate between weekdays and weekends. Thats about it.

But for some reason, yesterday, September 4th, 2011, I had an urge to go to the art store and buy myself supplies to start a painting. And for some reason, instead of starting it yesterday, I started it today, September 5th, 2011. Teacher's day in India. And from the moment my brush hit the paper, I have been thinking about you non-stop.

How old was I when I started classes with you? I can't even remember! I know I was probably in kindergarten. That was years ago. We've come a long way since. I remember my 2 hour long classes each Saturday. I remember my mother used to come with me for the classes and sit through them to make sure I wasn't being naughty and I was learning to draw. I still remember the first drawing book. Blank sheets, soon filled with crayon sketches! The left side of the book belonged to the teacher, to teach the strokes, the right side of the book belonged to the student, to master the strokes. I remember being an impatient kid. I remember longing to start trying out watercolours. But you wanted me to first learn how to draw and be confident with my crayons. Slowly but surely, we progress from the world of crayons, to the world of paint.

Today I know a whole bunch of things. I have tried out a whole bunch of things. Not just watercolours on paper. We tried fabric painting. I remember painting quite a few t-shirts for myself and a few pillow covers for my mother. We tried pencil sketching. Glass painting. Almost every form of art. For as long as I came to your house every Saturday to learn, no avenue of art was taboo for me. If anybody gives me any credit today for being creative, rest assured, its because you nurtured that artistic creativity within me.

Today, I don't know why, but my art has become a part of my personality. I can't seem to separate the two. Here in a new country, getting used to new things everyday, I find the most comforting thing I have to hold on to is the passion for art that I got over the years of training from you.

You were a marvellous teacher. No, you were more than just an art teacher to me.. You were family. You used to be my babysitter as well as my teacher. I remember, even after I grew up, even after I moved away, even after the classes came to an end, I know I still had a special place in your heart. Everytime I came to visit, you always told me how fond you are of the photograph of me, when I was in first grade, I had won a camera in a painting competition! I couldn't have done it without you (or my mom too in this case!).

I came back to India this summer, briefly. I couldn't meet you. I had gone to school to meet all my other teachers. But you had retired. One of your close friends, my sports coach, told me, you still miss me and still talk about me. She urged me to find a way to contact you. She reminded me, I was more than just a student to you. And you have taught me more than just how to paint.

I wish I could turn back time and go back to Saturday art classes with you. I wish I could go back to being a kid again, constantly unable to focus on just painting and wanting to try a million different things under your guidance. But life goes on right? We all move forward

I still sketch, I have picked up painting again. I will stay an artist for as long as I can, and I will never stop exploring new art forms.

Thank you for teaching me all the basics I needed to grow. As an artist. As a human being.

Thank you for being such an awesome teacher.

Happy Teacher's Day

Your loving student,
MG

Still waters don't always run deep!

2011-07-26T15:34:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, stuff on sun signs was a big fascination among my friends. And everybody loved it that I was a Capricorn. For several years I was told that all the traits a Capricorn is supposed to have (and which they are impressed by) are traits that I possess. Apparently, my friends thought I was practical, rational, independent and basically the "strong and silent" types. They were spot on about the "silent" type! But one key adage associated with a Capricorn was... "Still waters run deep". Nope, still waters don't always run deep. They sometimes "stagnate" and its been a key feature of my life for some time now.

The first person to use the word "stagnate" to describe something about me was.... eek!... my boss!!! That was a nightmare in its own right! Well, here is the background story. I manage 3 projects in lab and I love 2 of them to bits! But the third one is a bit iffy.... its a left-over project from an old collaboration we had on a protein that I do no believe is responsible for affecting neurogenesis (the topic our lab focusses on). Now our collaborator lab is closing down and is destroying their transgenic mice. I needed tissue from them to complete the study which obviously, I don't have anymore! So excuse me if my enthusiasm for this project is not very high!

Ironically, some of the best data that I have collected since I joined the lab was on this one project that I am so resentful towards. My first committee meeting focussed on this project and a ton of questions were asked that I could not answer. This was 4 months ago. Now 4 months later, I can kinda sorta answer my committee's questions and concerns, but the care factor is still pretty low. So its not surprising that my boss pointed out (and rightly so) that my knowledge in this particular protein and its relation to neurogenesis is "stagnant". It really is, I haven't bothered to study it, I am guilty of what she accuses me of.

Its almost time for me to go to India. In 48 hours, I will be at JFK, waiting to board my flight back home. Its been two years since I returned. As excited as I am about going back, I have been forced to stop for a minute and examine myself and how far I have come. At this point, I found the word "stagnant" pretty descriptive of the situation I am in.

Here is how I should have progressed over the past couple of years - after an initial bumpy stage of settling into a new country and a new life, I should have gotten a handle of how things work in life, how to live on my own, how to cook and provide for myself, how to be strong and courageous, be there for the few friends I have here and overall, be a good person.

Here is how I really am - Still settling into a new country but am in denial that I am still figuring things out, I want to believe that I know what I am doing, but I have no clue. I still have no idea how things work in life, I live on my own but I haven't figured out how to be strong enough to enjoy it, I barely cook and barely manage to take care of myself. I am not strong, I am not courageous. I have been a good friend to the few friends I have here but not a perfect friend. Am I a good person overall? I dunno, I feel like I am still the same person who set foot outside her home in India for the first time, 6 years ago - an angsty teenager who is bitter about how life is so "unfair" and whining about how it sucks to be alone and wallowing in self-pity.

So have my travels made me grow? Am I returning home to my family a better person?

Even today, when things go bad and I feel depressed or lonely, I can't seem to take care of myself. I need to call my mom or dad or Clueless and talk to one of them. I still need support to lean on. I never figured out how to apply the single best advice I have received ever... and its from clueless... she always says... "Don't think about it".

Four simple words, one profound truth. The more I think about things, the more terrible they seem. The more I brood, the more hopeless the situation becomes.

Well, hopefully when I get back after my vacation and start life here again, I will make some progress and change into the person I want to be. Life is not so bad. I am blessed. And someday I will learn to derive happiness from this knowledge :)

How far can 3 Rupees take you?

2011-06-27T08:51:00.001-05:00

Note: Today's post on my blog is a guest post by somebody very dear to me. Reading his essay brought back tons of memories to my mind, especially since before we ever owned a car, 5B used to be the one bus I was familiar with! Besides, now I live in a city where the frequency of public transport is terrible and better yet, lots of public transport services do not work on Sundays. It put everything into a different perspective and suddenly, I appreciate how well connected my home town is.

One often hears people say “what can 100 rupees get these days?” or “what can 500 rupees get you these days?” and so on, depending upon who is talking. Today is Sunday 26^th June 2011. Time line is important for this story. I just got back after attending the wedding reception of one of my colleagues’ son. The reception was held at New Woodlands hotel lawn. I got ready at 6.30 pm and was ready to leave. My “Mrs” did not come with me to the reception because her family members have come for vacation. In her usual tone “why are you going so early, even the bride and groom won’t be ready by 7.00 pm! They must be still in the beauty parlour”. Based on the bad experiences we had in so many wedding receptions, I had to agree that she was correct. One of my own students came about an hour late for his own wedding reception. Janavasam procession got stuck in the traffic jam in Alwarpet! Well... coming back to the story, just then it started to drizzle, summer showers in Chennai. The bride and groom can forget about reception at outdoors on the lawn. While all this was going through my mind I was actually contemplating how to reach the venue. Taking the car was out of the question, did not feel like driving in the maddening evening traffic. So I rode the scooter up to the Gate, parked it there and came out of IIT campus.

Finally my mind was made up. I am not going to spoil my good mood by bargaining with the unreasonable Chennai auto drivers. I will take the bus. Which bus goes to New Woodlands? I had no idea; it had been so long since I took bus in Chennai. I crossed the Sardar Patel road in front of IIT and reached CLRI bus stop safely. Waited in the bus stop for about 5 minutes watching the traffic and reminiscing about how peaceful this Sardar Patel Road used to be when I joined IIT Madras in 1991, even better, how dark and forest like scary atmosphere this road used to pose when I was a student at IIT Madras in 1979. We could ride the bicycle without any difficulties to Adyar and Mylapore in those days. Within 30 years so much of change, so much of traffic, so much noise, where did the trees go, where did all the bicycles disappear? All in the name of development! But one thing has not changed, not even a bit. Like the Old Faithful the bus came to a screeching halt, the same old 5B bus, Thyagaraya Nagar to Mylapore. I just got in and started my journey to Mylapore.

It was supposed to be a Deluxe bus which meant the seats are moulded and contoured with special plastic, individual seats where one could park his butt individually and comfortably. The bus was not crowded, may be because it was a Sunday. I asked the Conductor of the bus the fare to Mylapore, he replied “seven rupees sir”. So, what can 100 rupees get you these days, you can do the math!, a lot actually. The conductor had a fancy calculator type electronic gadget, he punched a few keys and presto!, out came the electronically printed ticket. I was quite impressed. All the comforts of a contoured seat and an electronically printed ticket just for seven rupees? It could have been even a personalized ticket with my name on it! I just burned 1000 rupees worth of petrol driving my fancy air-conditioned car to Mahabalipuram today morning, relatives have come for vacation, you know (wink, wink). I bought my ticket and moved to the front end of the bus. Now I am having the bus driver’s view of the road. It is amazing how these drivers manage to navigate this large body of automobile through the narrow lanes of T. Nagar, Mandaveli and Mylapore. The cars and motorcycles driving like maniacs trying to over take the bus so closely. No wonder the drivers of the city bus go mad and drive like maniacs. They have to fight for every inch of road space along with the luxury cars and fancy motor cycles of the affluent for the sake of driving this bus for the poor souls who cannot indulge in such extravaganza. I love my India! Next time when I drive my car I will have sympathy for these bus drivers and give them way, not that they could not take it from me. The bus reached Mandaveli bus stand in about 15 minutes and I decided to get down there thinking that there will be a bus from Mandaveli bus stand to New Woodlands. I was told by the drivers who were chit chatting and sipping a cup of tea that 29C will take me there but I have to wait in the bus stand outside of the bus terminus. I just crossed the road and waited for about 5 minutes for 29C to come.

During these 5 minutes at least 10 buses came and went to various destinations ranging from Aavadi to Tambaram. What an amazing frequency of buses in Chennai city on a Sunday evening! That too not very crowded, thanks partly due to the Varuna Bhagawan who was kind enough to bring the humidity to 100% this evening. M29C came first, I did not take it because I did not understand what M stood for. Then came 29C, again a deluxe bus, this time the fare was only six rupees to New Woodlands. Just in 10 minutes I came to New Woodlands bus stop, got down and crossed the road “safely” and reached New Woodlands by 7.15 pm. Not bad at all, 13 rupees and 45 minutes got me going so for. I was indeed very proud of myself, my reality check worked and I succeeded in the test.

The wedding reception was the usual routine, you meet the same colleagues from IIT, stand in the queue for 20-30 minutes, reach the stage, shake hands with the groom and a Namaste to the bride in 10 seconds, photo and videographers dictate where you should stand, a few flashes go up and you are done with the social responsibility. It is time to grab the dinner and get out. This time it was a buffet dinner and not the usual “pandhi” type dinner. I hate the way Madarasi caterers serve in the pandhi style dinners. They randomly come and throw some food on the ”yet to the washed and cleaned banana leaf” and keep going like an assembly line.

After dinner I decided to venture in the bus once again to reach back IIT. Just in front of New Woodlands I waited for 29C, it came within 5 minutes of wait. During these 5 minutes I observed how nicely the bus stand was made, well lit, with hand rails and seats made of stainless steel. I even sat on one of the stainless steel stools for a few minutes. Some parts of Chennai are really Singara Chennai, no doubt. If not in Dr. Radhakrishna Salai, where else could one find a nice bus stand with such fantastic amenities? Pizza Hut, Reliance Fashions, GKB Opticals, all of them fancy shops, just across from New Woodlands, After all, the most affluent of Chennai live within 2 kilometre radius from here. I took 29C deluxe again to Mylapore tank, 4 rupees ticket this time, got down at the Tank within 5 minutes. This time bus driver was really mad, drove like a maniac in the narrow lanes over taking everyone as if he owned the road, he even “almost” kissed the rear end of a Maruti Swift near Luz corner. The Old Faithful 5B was parked near the tank and the bus was almost full. I mean all the seats were occupied but no one was standing. The driver and conductor were smoking and having a conversation on the recent outcome of the state assembly poll. “How did Amma manage to sweep the polls?; I guess, was the topic of their discussion. The display on the bus 5B LSS puzzled me. I began to wonder if this bus would stop in IIT stop. I asked the conductor. He was very polite “yes sir, get in, let us go”, one should imagine this and the following conversation in Chennai Tamil.

I asked for the fare to IIT and swiftly came the answer “three rupees sir”. I could not believe what I just heard and I wanted to be sure. “I beg your pardon, did you say three rupees, I want to go to IIT”. “Yes sir, only three rupees, don’t be surprised, even to T. Nagar it is only four rupees”. Just then I felt like shouting my buddy Sylvester’s phrase “Sufferin Succotash, only the.. thee...three rupees”. Just yesterday the Central Government decided to hike the price of diesel by three rupees a litre on which these buses run. I think the price of diesel is about 40 rupees a litre now. How the hell do they cover this distance of about 6-7 kilometres just in three rupees? To put things in proper perspective, a kilo of rice is 38-45 rupees, a kilo of vegetable oil is 135 rupees, a kilo of sugar is 35 rupees, a litre of petrol is 65 rupees, vegetables vary from 20-40 rupees a kilo. Although the conductor was busy issuing tickets I decided to engage him in a friendly conversation, he seemed like he could use one. I asked him “how come you do not have the fancy calculator type ticket printer?”, “Sir, those things are no good sir, they work only for 6 months, there is nothing like the good old paper tickets sir” showing me a bunch of printed tickets stashed between his left hand fingers. I guess he finally found someone to pour his heart out, he continued “look at this lousy blue uniform they have given us sir, it is neither cleanable nor ironable, useless thing. They even gave us a pair of chappals in the Transport Corporation, if I wanted to walk south the chappal would take me to north, sir, I had to throw them out, sorry sir, I should not complain, but sometimes I am unable to contain”. I did not know how to console him, I simply smiled and nodded my head as if I sympathize with him and agreeing to his point of view. He moved on to the back side of the bus. An elderly man got down at Mandaveli leaving the seat free for me to take. I enjoyed my three rupees ride to IIT. When the bus was about to reach IIT I got up and signalled to the friendly conductor, he whistled, the bus stopped and I got down after waving a “thank you” gesture to the bus conductor.

After a very long I took the bus today and I am so glad that I did. It taught me very valuable lessons. More importantly I have once again fallen in love with Chennai. Next time when I hear someone say “what can 100 rupees get these days?”, I shall tell them that it can take them from Mylapore to T Nagar 25 times in the Old Faithful 5B. The friendly conductor in the blue uniform will only be too happy to drop them at IIT bus stop on the way to T Nagar.

Ph.D Candidate in da house!

2011-05-09T10:48:00.000-05:00

I passed my qualifying exam!!! UNCONDITIONAL PASS!!!! :D :D :D :D

Ph.D, here I come!!!

Be prepared to call me Dr. Macho Girl. Soon

And by soon, I mean in 3-4 years :P

Writing to destress

2011-05-05T20:07:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine brought a paper to my attention about exams. And now suddenly, a few things make sense to me (and a few things surprise me still). But essentially, the paper said that students who are taking exams tend to do better if they write about the stress or whatever before the exam. I don't remember the details. I am so stressed out right now that all the details are fuzzy.

Even details from my own proposal are looking fuzzy! I feel so under prepared for this exam. I am really intimidated by one of my committee members. He is one of the science Gods and I must not anger him. But I haven't read every paper out of his lab and this scares me. A LOT!!!!! I keep oscillating between feeling confident that I will be fine tomorrow, I know my stuff, to feeling like I am so screwed for the exam tomorrow!

A part of me is also really bored of my slides. I have looked at them so many times. I know them really well. But I also know there is no point in having the most brilliant slides in the world unless you know how to use them to your advantage and convey all the information that you intend to deliver to your audience. Being a nervous public speaker, thinking on my feet has never been my strength. I tend to forget stuff to mention every now and then. Its embarrassing as hell when I realize I forgot to mention some detail I was supposed to then have to say, "Oh! I forgot to mention this earlier, but this protein is expressed here as well! Which is why I am looking at this brain region in the first place! Heehee!". Yeah, doesn't look too professional.

I so completely understand what Dawn meant when she said after her qualifying exam that all she wanted to do was to burn all the papers. If I pass tomorrow, that is what I will want to do. But I also love my environment. So I will settle for the recycle bin.

I also feel nervous because this is the first time I have come up with a science proposal all on my own. This proposal is my baby. And my proposal is going to get attacked tomorrow by my committee. I have to try and protect it! This scares the crap out of me!

Now I suddenly understand why just before my exam seasons all through undergrad, the number of blog posts dramatically increased. I was just relieving my stress. So I could perform better in my exam. And now this is what I am attempting to do again. I turn to my blog, one of my best friends, for a source of comfort. And its working. For now. I know this is going to be temporary. I will start freaking out again. At that point, maybe I will call mom and complain about how long the night seems to me.

Its showtime folks! Time to get ready for the biggest exam I will ever take! Wish me good luck! :)

Move along, moving along

2011-05-02T21:27:00.000-05:00

My life is currently positioned in such a way that a lot of things will change dramatically over the next few weeks. Of course, it goes without saying, that I will have my qualifying exam in 3 days. Am I worried about it? Nah. Terrified? HELL YEAH!!!! I gave a mock presentation today. I said "I don't know" more number of times than I care to admit.

But in other news, I have finally signed a lease for a single bedroom apartment. But not in the same apartment complex I am living in right now. Right now, its just a 5 min walk to lab. After I move, it will be a 15 min drive everyday (or an hour by train, if I choose to ride it). While at first I was really excited about this new development, now I am not so sure about it. The apartment looks nice, the neighbourhood is amazing and super safe. All the stores are located within walking distance. The community has a lot of swimming pools, fountains, jogging trails, a duck pond, you name it, you'll find it! So I should be still super excited right?

But I am not. I am super apprehensive. Kinda nervous. This is the first time I will be living without a room mate. I know, I know, NUS had single rooms and I was living in my own room there. But I was always surrounded by these gang of friends who never let it seem like I was living on my own. It was a family of friends, a family away from home. But now, I won't have such a thing. As much as my current room mate and I disagree on things, one thing that's always let me feel a little less lonely, is knowing there is another presence in the apartment. What'll I have at my new place? Probably a good TV, if I feel like it, an Xbox 360, a comfortable couch to relax on, a kitchen that is mine, all mine to take care of and a beautiful balcony that is twice as big as the one in the apartment I am currently living in. I will have a neighbourhood, where its safe to go out for a walk in the evening by the duck pond and watch the children feed the ducks. I can pick any swimming pool I want in the community to hang out at, to just sit back and relax. It all sounds like a dream come true. Except, I am beginning to learn, that material things just don't matter to me now anymore. So what if I have awesome stuff in the apartment. So what if there are so many places to hang out at? It'll all feel so much nicer if I had somebody to share it with, somebody to hang out with. Every once in a while, I guess life needs to remind me that money cannot buy happiness and companionship. But I guess till that day, money is just going to have to try as hard as it can.

I'll tell you what money can buy, tickets to go back home and visit mom and dad! yay! I'll be going back to India after 2 whole years!

Exam season... for the last time!

2011-04-21T09:43:00.000-05:00

As tradition has it, the number of posts (if any at all!) on my blog goes up during the exam season. And now, I am preparing for the biggest exam event ever! Qualifying exam!!! I'm sure I called GRE the biggest exam event at some point. Eh. I'm fickle. Big surprise! :P

But yeah, being the classical Indian nerd who can score straight As in regular exams for course work, qualifying exam is a bit of a mystery for me. At least I am past the biggest hurdle - coming up with a brand new research topic to talk about. And writing a proposal on it. In fact, the proposal is due today (or tomorrow, I'm not sure but it sure as hell is going out to the committee today!). Now comes the part where I make some powerpoint slides to make a 15 minute presentation of my proposal then be prepared for an hour or more of grilling from my committee. Now this is the part where my exam preparing skills are thrown off track. Qualifying exam is just so.... floopy (for lack of a better word to describe it). I haven't the first idea where to start studying for it!

Just 15 days to go before my presentation. Knowing my cramming capabilities, thats plenty of time, if I use it right. I haven't started freaking out yet. But I know its just a matter of time!

Here goes nothing (and everything)!!! Wish me luck! :)

Daylight savings demystified - 2

2011-03-28T16:10:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, I had written a post on daylight savings and promised to be back to travel to the future once again!

Well, this time, I wasn't even in Dallas. I had gone to New York City with a couple of good friends of mine. And NYC has a ton to offer. We were there for just three days and they were three packed days! Ans we didn't even get to see every single thing to be seen!

I leave Dallas, fully aware of the impending time change.

Saturday night - back from a full day of sight seeing. Madame Tussaud, Empire State Building, Chinatown, etc etc etc took their toll on us. Followed by a night tour of NYC. We were back pretty late.

Saturday late night - set alarm, go to sleep

Sunday morning - wake up to alarm, get ready, ready to leave the room for breakfast by 9am. Go down to hotel lobby only to find out you almost missed breakfast because the last serving is at 10am.

What the hell just happened?????

Turns out, the phones don't reset themselves automatically when you are in a different city :-/

Damn you time change!!!!

Playful decision

2011-02-05T21:28:00.000-06:00

I had gone to visit some family friends for dinner this Saturday. Their 4 year old grand daughter was there with them. She loves to have guests over and so was excited to see me there. After spending some time talking to her grand mother, I noticed that she was trying very hard to attract my attention. So I went to her. She looked very worried

Me: Hey there! What are you doing?

Little girl: Nothing much, I want to play now

Me: Alright, that sounds like fun! Let's play!

Little girl: But I can't play!

Me: Why not???

Little girl: I have so many games and toys, I can't decide what to play with!

Me: Pick your most favourite toy and we will play with that!

Little girl: But all of them are my favourite

Me: Then close your eyes and just pick one toy and we will play

Little girl: If I close my eyes, then how can I pick something without seeing it? You are not helping me at all!

Me: *stunned silence*

Little girl: I feel very stressed out. So much to play and so little time!

Aaaaaah..... to be a little kid again, where the only worry in the world is not being able to decide what to play! :) :) :)

Sock!

2011-01-29T20:09:00.000-06:00

Look at what I made for myself! I will never have to buy socks again! I'll just make my own :)

Despicable Me

2011-01-04T09:04:00.000-06:00

Ever since I got into knitting, I have been contemplating several projects to make. And I have been meaning to post them on my blog to show off. For example, this shawl that I made (and clicked a pic on the webcam in lab because I am too lazy to get my camera out :P)

What finally prompted me to finally blog about my knitting was what I made last night. I am still not over it :D :D :D :D

I am making stuff toys by knitting them!!! :D

Of late... and early

2011-01-03T08:42:00.000-06:00

Over the past few months, my routine has gotten set in stone. I get up each morning and am in lab by 8:30am. Come what may. What distinguishes weekends from weekdays is that on weekends I get in at 9am or 10am at max. And of course, that I can park my car in a faculty spot :P :P

But every once in a while, I need to go late. Because the leasing office of my apartment opens only at 9am and I got to pay the rent every month. Today is one such day. You'd think I would sleep in and get ready at my own pace, given I need to go a little later than usual today. And I did sleep in. And I did get ready at my own pace.

Its 8:30am now, I am ready to go, but can't leave for another half an hour so I am sitting here blogging :-/

Oddest.thing.ever

Whatever happened to the days when you never seem to be able to leave the house on time and rush to work? I never seem to be able to leave late! :P

Dear Teacher (4),

2010-12-21T21:48:00.000-06:00

Its been a long time and I've come a long way. Remember you had told me and my parents during the PTA meeting that I could achieve anything as long as I overcome my mental block that its tough to achieve something? Turns out, that doesn't apply only to physics!

In undergrad, there was a course on neuroscience. I didn't even give it a thought. Everybody said it was the most difficult course ever. I had to be either very smart or very foolish to take it. So I didn't. Looking back, I feel ashamed that I ran away from it, simply because I had a mental block that neuroscience is hard.

Well, guess what? I made up for that in grad school! I joined a neuroscience lab for Ph.D!!!! If I am successful, I will have a doctorate in neuroscience! What a turn of events!

But it doesn't end there. I took an advanced course, neuropharmacology. People told me not to take it unless I had basic neuroscience training (which I didn't of course, since I never took neuroscience as an undergrad). But I took it. And I worked hard. I worked extremely hard. I taught myself the basics of neuroscience to help me understand advanced neuropharmacology. And I wrote the exam. All I wanted was to pass.

Not only did I pass the course, I was graded above average! I was the only non-neuroscience person in the class. Do you realize what that means? I did better than the kids who did have a strong neuroscience background! I did it!!!!

Not only that, I have chosen my topic for qualifying exam from neuroendocrinology. I think its going to be very interesting. Lets see how that plays out to be.

Today, I am really happy in the lab that I work in. Its the best place for me to be. I love the science, I love the work, I love my colleagues, I love my boss, its a dream come true. I never thought the perfect lab for me would be a neuroscience lab.

Its only because you taught me to overcome my mental blocks that I am here today. And I want you to know that you are still remembered. And even though you are gone from this world, you aren't truly gone, your teaching continues to live on through your student. Thank you, thank you so much for guiding me through thick and thin.

I feel honoured to be your student.... forever

I miss you very much

Your loving student,
MG

Potential caveats of awesomeness

2010-12-12T14:56:00.000-06:00

I have been writing a term paper on an original research topic. Everything has to be a new idea, never thought of before experiments which will lead to a new and exciting discovery that could revolutionize the field! My research needs to have three aims and each aim should talk about the rationale behind why I am even thinking about these experiments in the first place, how would I approach the problem, what are the experiments I would do, the techniques I could use, what would be the predicted results and interpretations and finally what are the potential pitfalls and alternative approaches.

I personally have a problem with the "potential pitfalls and alternative approaches" sections

Clearly, I have spent insane amount of time researching the topic, what has been done so far, what could be done, how can it be done and thought about this problem from every possible angle. After taking everything into consideration, I design and re-design experiments to try to eliminate any possible loop holes that people could pick on. And by "people" I mean myself too!!!

However, in the field of research, if you cannot find pitfalls and caveats to your experiment, you aren't considered awesome or smart or any such thing.

You are an idiot!

And not just any idiot

A egomaniacal idiot!

:-/

I guess I asked for it....

Grad school makes me feel stupid!

Like-inable

2010-12-07T08:42:00.000-06:00

I came into lab today, expecting my brain to be in a complete mess as I start studying for my neuropharmacology exam. Wow, that's a long word.... good thing its not my neuropsychopharmacology exam (I ain't making that up! There is a course by that name and a journal too!).

Anyhow, I found a couple of reasons in my inbox to smile and lighten my mood before I set off on the path of neuropharm....

1) An auto reply from a professor who is out of town which says...

"I'll get back when I return"

:-/

I really didn't think there was any other way around the issue!

2) An advertisement for a used car going on sale

"You must like it when you see it!!!"

:-/

Ok buddy, I know you love your car but you can't make me do the same!

Alrighty, now that I have gotten all the randomness off my chest, back to work! :P

(Let's hear it for the art of procrastination!)

Far away for far too long

2010-12-04T13:21:00.001-06:00

Ever since I bought my car, Dallas has become a very magical city to me. Lots of people give me weird stares when I say I actually started liking the city. Because apparently the general population doesn't like Dallas. People live here because they were born and brought up here or the job was too good to resist. But nobody moves from another place specifically to Dallas if they have another choice.

While it is true that I came here because I didn't have a choice, and it is true I hated it till I got the car, I did have a change of heart ever since. Dallas is an amazing place for a food junkie like me who loves trying out different cuisines for affordable rates. Cost of living is cheap, everything is accessible by car, the city is very well planned. And the medical center, best place to do science!!!! :) So yeah, I love my job, I love the city.

Sometimes its easy to forget that its been a year and a half since I set foot in my own country. Especially for somebody like me, my parents had come to visit me for summer.

But the weight of the whole situation hit me when I was browsing facebook and saw that some of my old school friends had been to my home town recently and had a blast! It was so cool to see pics of them after so many years and realize none of them has really changed. It brings back a truck load of memories, looking at them posing at school, in front of our old classrooms where we stood 6 years ago in our olive green uniform, in front of the ice cream shop we were banned from going to as school kids, at the grounds where we held all our sports events, and all around the city that I have grown up in and have loved always.

Singapore was still alright, it was just a 3 hour flight away. I know some of my friends who went to different parts of India to study who had a much longer commute back home by train. So Singapore was cool, a perfect balance of science (not as good as I would like it to be) and closeness to home.

Sometimes I wonder, if in the pursuit for the perfect science career, I wandered too far away from home... I am madly in love with my job, yes. But I am never around for reunions with family and friends. All I get to do is see pictures on facebook and hear about how I was missed.

Did I do the right thing choosing science over family and friends? Did I do the right thing choosing food for thought rather than food for heart?

I've been away from my country... far away for far too long

I can haz motiwayshun plz?

2010-12-03T13:17:00.000-06:00

Being a second year grad student brings in some joys and some sorrows. The main joy being, you know for sure this time that once you are done with the course work, it truly is the last exam you've ever had to write. But that joy seems negligible compared to the sorrow. Oh, I am sorry, its not really sorrow, I think the word I am looking for is STRESS...... S.T.R.E.S.S......... S.T.R.E.S.S

That's because second year in grad school ushers in the qualifying exam, fondly called "quals". And in my university, quals has to be on a topic that is not related to your thesis project. And it has to be a novel research idea. Meaning, nobody else should have worked on this stuff before :-/ Its hard to motivate yourself to think outside of your thesis project.... why is that you ask? Well, let's see, you went through the trouble of going through several lab rotations, most of your rotations revolved around this same topic in science, and you finally picked this lab, not just because the prof and the people are really nice, but also because you are absolutely in love with the science they do. So you are pretty much married to your thesis project... it's like a long term commitment to science in that field.

So now I guess you can understand why I was not happy to have to explore outside to find a topic for quals.

Luckily for me, I am doing a course this semester that requires me to write a term paper on an original research idea, separate from my thesis work. Best part, I can use it as my quals topic if it works out well!!! :D Yay! \o/

Anyways, an unwilling MG sat down to pick out a topic. I figured, "Hey, the whole world is worried about obesity, why not think of anorexia!", and lo behold, I found a nice research topic.

So I collect all the research papers, go through them, file them neatly and get organized, open a blank word document and type in the word "Introduction". At this point, I realize I would like some music in the office. So I turn to Pandora to supply me with some good tunes.

The first song to play as I type in the initial words of my term paper....

APOCALYPSE PLEASE.... by Muse....

:-/

Is somebody trying to hint something at me???? X-(

I can haz some positive motiwayshun naow plz?

kthxbye!

:P

Drinking again

2010-12-01T09:41:00.002-06:00

Alcohol??? No way, that's not what I was talking about.

After two years.....

And a lot of craving.....

I finally found it in the Indian grocery store....

Guess what's for breakfast each morning in lab???!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D

Ah, the simple pleasures of undergrad life found their way into grad life!!!!

And errrr... yeah, the pic is a mirror image of the bottle. I don't drink OJIM :P

Daylight savings demystified

2010-11-10T12:03:00.001-06:00

The whole concept of daylight savings was new, scary and kinda awesome, all at once. For those who aren't familiar with the concept, during Fall every year, the clocks are set back by one hour and sometime in Spring, the clocks go ahead by an hour.

Last year, I didn't even realize when the clocks were supposed to change. My phone and laptop were apparently smarter than me and auto-set themselves to change. It was a Saturday night and I set my alarm on my phone for 7am. I needed to get up and talk to clueless on skype. Being in the opposite ends of the world, we had to set up weird times to catch up on each others lives. I went to sleep, only to be woken up at 6:15am with a call from a very confused clueless.

Clueless: Where are you???? I have been online for 15 mins now!

Me: (Groggily) huh?

Clueless: You are late!

Me: That's impossible! I set my alarm to 7am. And its only 6:15am now! You are too early!

Clueless: No.... I am right on time, according to Singapore time. What's up with you???

Me: HUH????????

Clueless: :-/

Me: Ooooooh! I get it! Damn daylight savings! My phone auto-set itself so its waking me up at 7am pre-daylight savings. I'm sorry I kept you waiting!

This year, I was more aware of when daylight savings was starting. I kinda like the concept this year. It gives me an extra hour to sleep in. But I wanted to stay up and see how exactly the whole thing works and how the clocks reset themselves on my phone and laptop. And I am proud to present the mystery that is daylight savings to those who don't get it.... Daylight savings demystified.... try to contain your excitement! Here it comes!!!!

1:59:50 am

1:59:51 am

1:59:52 am

1:59:53 am

1:59:54 am

1:59:55 am

1:59:56 am

1:59:57 am

1:59:58 am

Here it comes!!! Hold on!!!

1:59:59 am
.
.
.
.
1:00:00 am

*blink blink*

Tadaaaaaa!!!! :D

Woohoo!!!!! We just went back in time by one hour! ;)

Join me in a few months to learn how to go to the future, by an hour :P :P

Recipe for whaaaa?

2010-11-01T17:38:00.000-05:00

The graduate student organization for my university had decided to start a monthly newsletter. They are doing a really good job. The newsletter looks very professionally done (hats off to those involved!). Every detail has been taken care of, each page has a beautiful header on the top, the page number at the bottom right and the tag line to the newsletter on the bottom left. The students are amazing writers with a good sense of humour. So its no wonder that when I saw in my email that this month's issue is out, I eagerly opened it.

Turns out to be a Holiday special issue having tons of delicious recipes. So I sat reading them all. Its a way to destress, thinking about good food. And also its a great source of motivation. After all, these recipes were tried out by fellow grad students. If they had the time to cook this stuff, I definitely have the time to try something new every now and then.

Anyhow, one particular recipe caught my eye, especially the ingredients list at the very bottom of the page (bottom left, specifically)

Ingredients:

4 jumbo prawn

2 cups of coconut milk

1 medium size onion

Your source for grad student life

:O :O :O :O

Talk about tough recipes, this one demands the very source of my life!!!! :P :P :P

Bet its a tasty dish ;)

November's Challenge

2010-10-31T23:23:00.000-05:00

I have a really horrible memory. So I can't really remember what the whole deal is, but I vaguely remember clueless telling me something about November being some kind of special thingy where you write one post a day or something to that effect. Wow, I just realized its been ages and ages and ages and ages since Clueless was last featured, no, not featured, even mentioned in my blog! Ah well, been out of Singapore for too long and both of us are following career paths that suit us best!

Anyhooo... back to the matter at hand. I have decided to attempt write a post a day. If not everyday, maybe at least once in two days or so. And meaningful posts, not just "so today, I did blah blah blah". Let's see how that goes.

Life has also become 10 times more hectic than before. I didn't even think that would be possible! But I guess in addition to course work, lab work et al, I have a new thing to worry about.... QUALIFYING EXAM!!!!!

So far all the seniors I know tell me that quals is just a hazing. But I am not so sure. Sitting on this side of quals is pretty scary. The good news is, I have a general area of interest that I want to think about. The bad news is that I don't know what are the right questions to ask and the right experiments to propose. *gulp* Am I screwed or am I screwed? Personally, I think I am screwed :P

Intelligently stupid

2010-10-25T10:58:00.002-05:00

When I decided that grad school was the way to go for me, I had the choice of coming to the US to do science. And most people, including my parents and my Honors year supervisor, encouraged me to go. Apparently, the scientific community in academia had a unique quality in the US which I wouldn't find anywhere else.

Its not like I have worked in other academic environments (like Europe). But I am beginning to see what people meant. The students, post docs and PIs here are always so excited about science! Science is a religion, science is fashionable, science is rad (not sure if I fully understand the meaning of that word)!!! People keep up with the scientific world so its not uncommon to pass by two people in the hallway getting very excited about a paper in Science, Nature, Neuron, whatever journal. I wasn't used to this scientific culture so it took me a while to get just as excited about this stuff as everybody else is and to openly discuss stuff. Now its not strange to see me saying stuff like "Did you see how brilliant and elegant that test was?" or "Are you friggin' kidding me???? That test result was inconclusive!". My PI asked me if I wanted to go for a symposium in January. When I saw the list of speakers, I think my heart almost literally skipped a beat. Yes. I have embraced science as my life!

A huge part of getting into this mode was to subscribe for the table of contents for journals with big names, like Science, Nature, Cell, Neuron, Journal of Neuroscience etc. And anybody in the scientific world will realize what a big deal Science Magazine is!!!

So imagine my amusement when I opened the email containing the table of contents, only to find a word from the sponsors which said....

"Don't waist wells anymore!"

:-/

Clearly, we are capable of unravelling the mysteries of the world and beyond but had to miss a few spelling classes to get there! :P

Grad school musical 2

2010-10-25T10:30:00.000-05:00

So it turned out there was some kind of miscommunication about my potential violin teacher. She thought I wanted to learn singing. And I thought she taught the violin. After a 40 min drive to her house, we both realized something was not quite right. Well, at least it wasn't a complete waste of time. Through her, I managed to get the phone number of somebody else who was supposed to be a violin tutor.

I've been very specific about my search for a violin guru. I wanted to learn classical carnatic music. Not western, not hindustani, only carnatic. And its hard to get started on violin classes if you are so picky. Its taken me half a year of intense searching, that culminated to one phone number.

Turns out I hit the jack pot! This teacher is completely worth it. He is worth the wait, worth the long drive, worth the fees, worth the pain in my right arm, worth the peeling skin on the tips of my fingers, worth spending an hour each day practicing. Bottom line, he is so much better than what I had imagined him to be.

Yes, I have to start from scratch... all over again. Its going to take me a long long time to reach the place where I left off. But thats alright. As long as I learn music the way its supposed to be learnt, its alright if it takes time.

Usually stuff like finding tutors for your musical interests is something that your parents do for you when you ask them to. And thats how its always been for me. But this time, for the first time I found my own violin tutor and arranged for everything by myself. I drive myself to classes, take care of my own practice, pay for my own fees etc. I feel so grown up!!!!

Thank God I had that initial miscommunication! Otherwise by now I would have settled for something less! :D :D :D

(One man's pudding is another man's poison. My happiness is my room mate's sorrow :P :P :P Well, not really, I practice in lab after everybody has left for the day so she is spared till I get better at music!)

Grad School Musical

2010-09-19T21:30:00.000-05:00

After spending a year in Dallas, I have run out of excuses to procrastinate my quest for a violin teacher. I now have a car, my finances are kinda ok, I have the time and those are all the resources that I really need for a good musical education.

So this weekend, I set aside all laziness and all the questions buzzing through my mind and actively sought out a music teacher. My first class is going to be this Thursday.

But I am still not sure.... her advertisement in the classified just said "carnatic" music and usually that refers to vocal training more than instrumental. Its just not the same. But when I talked to her, it seemed like she had more students who were learning violin from her. So I don't know, maybe I am mistaken, maybe she is multi-talented, I have no idea.

Here's hoping for a good beginning to what I hope will be a life long journey :) :)

Counter productive

2010-09-15T15:00:00.000-05:00

Sacrificing sleep at night to get work done only to fall asleep during working hours in the day :-/

And apparently, this is grad school normal.

So I've come to the right place!!! :D

Writer's block...

2010-09-13T22:45:00.000-05:00

Something that should never happen when you have a paper due that needs 13,000 words :-/

And when you know the subject matter well.

Maybe a little too well

That could also be a problem I guess. Because if you know the subject too well then no matter what you write, it will seem like crap, it just doesn't live up to your expectations, does it? :-<

I'll figure it out, I'll figure out how to write about adult hippocampal neurogenesis without killing any of my brains cells in the process :P

Chennai's own queen!

2010-09-10T23:49:00.002-05:00

Its such a huge coincidence that you ended up being a close friend to two of my dearest friends in this world! And what's even better, you are more awesome than everything that they told me about you. Every once in a while, we stumble across people, who even though we might have met only once or twice (well, I guess in our case its twice so far :P), you feel like you have had a connection all along. I, for one, cannot believe that I just met you a few months back. It feels like I have known you since school! Somehow, it seems so easy and so natural to talk to you and be myself with you.

On this special day today, I don't have any huge gift to give you, I wish I did. But then again, I didn't know it was your birthday today until very late!!!!

Here's what I have to give to you as a gift....

My dearest CKR,

Have a happy happy budday and an awesome year ahead!!!

Thank you for making it so easy for me, and for being such an incredibly awesome friend, even though we technically just met. You are a very, very, very special person to a lot of people (including me!) and we all feel lucky to have met you and been by your side. I know you and I have many years ahead of us to grow as friends, and here's to the creation something new and exciting! :) :)

Yours,
Appy fizz :)

Random thoughts

2010-09-08T19:20:00.000-05:00

- Driving a U-Haul cargo van is much more fun (and kinda comfy) than driving a car. It also teaches a thing or two about what kind of a driver you are. Turns out, I am not too bad! :D

- My first ever experience renting a car... a bit expensive, but loads of fun, since you get to drive a really good model (and a recent one too!) which has a good mileage and amazing entertainment system! My first ever rented car.... a wine red Ford Fusion!!!!

- A couple of tornadoes formed where I live. And I saw one of them, complete, from the beginning of the formation of a funnel cloud, the elongation of the funnel and of course, the touch down!!!! It was spectacular, breath-taking, but not one bit scary. Of course, it helps to be good at geography and to know that severe tornadoes don't tend to hit big cities as much as they do in villages. Only movies (the end of world kinds) have big, devastating tornadoes hitting the cities.

- I have the sudden urge right now to watch the movie "Twister". I wonder why :P :P

-I am not as poor (financially) as I originally thought. I have realized that it is very possible for me to travel around this country every few months, as long as I plan ahead. The only limiting thing, taking days off from lab. Ah well.... details, details....

- Thanksgiving is coming and that's a four-day block that is wide open. Hmmmm...... *opens google maps*

- I redirected all my university emails to my gmail so that I have only one account that I need to check. Now I have 867 unread messages in my gmail and that bugs me.... *sigh*

- I am not as bad at dancing as I originally suspected. Maybe I should find myself a dance teacher somewhere around

- Violin teacher would be more useful at this point though.

- Its fun for me to scribble down the first thing that pops into my head on this blog. I have never done that before!

- Started a new hobby.... knitting!!!! Wondering if I should take it to the next level... I am currently proficient at making scarves!

- Even after sleeping soundly (didn't even hear my alarm this morning) for 9 hours last night, I still feel drowsy... Damn you hurricane Hermine!!!

- Living near the medical center means I get to hear the ambulance sirens pretty often. Today the number of sirens has drastically increased. Damn you hurricane Hermine! Hope everybody is alright

- Writing a random post is loads of fun, for a change!

- Bottom line - happy to be alive, living in an exciting city, amidst hurricanes, tornadoes, heat waves and blizzards!

Outsourced!

2010-08-31T13:02:00.000-05:00

My daily routine involves waking up in the morning and immediately checking my email. Imagine how annoyed I was this morning when I woke up to find that there is no internet connection in the apartment! This the second time I've had internet problems in the past few weeks. Feeling super mad (a horrible way to start the day), I called my service provider's technical support. I am transferred to an agent and this is what I hear (in a strangely familiar accent)

Tech Support: Welcome to tech support, my name is Nick, how may I assist you?

Me (thought bubble): NICK??? ok, whatever you say, "Nick"!

Clearly the guy was not American. But I didn't want to jump to conclusions just based on an accent. So I just went straight into the problem and tried to get things sorted out with "Nick". He needed to run some diagnostics on his computer to resolve my problem. However, unfortunately, the tech support floor had a power outage (whaaaa?!!!) and they were just restarting the systems so it would take a while. While I was waiting for him, I heard my required confirmation from the background...

Random background person: Aiyayoooooooooo!!!!!!

Random background music: "Manmada raasaaaaa manmada raasaaaaa!"

So now I know where their tech support department is located and the mystery of their power outage is now clear to me :P

After all problem was resolved, here's what brought a smile to my face and changed a bad start to an excellent start for the day.

Nick: It says here that you are from India

Me: Yeah, just like you!

Nick: Beg your pardon Ma'am?

Me: I know my call got directed to India!

Nick: (sheepish laugh) haha, yes ma'am, you got that right, but then again, you know how it is here in the call centers right?

Me: Yeah

Nick: Actually we are located in the southern part of India

Me: Yeah, I figured as much

Nick: Wow!! How did you?

Me: Heard somebody scream "Aiyayooooooo!!!!" in the background! Feels good to hear after so long!

Nick: Haha, yeah, that was my friend!

Sometimes, these unexpected encounters are what make me realise for how long I have been outta my own country and reinforce a sense of attachment to yeech yand yeverydhing that made our lives back home.

I talked to a total stranger, Mr. Nick, but I still feel like it was a friend who answered the phone :) :) :)

Still lost

2010-08-24T13:48:00.000-05:00

Why am I the only one who burst out laughing at the email sent to us about the department printer?!

"Hi everyone,

Our color printer had a hiccup last week and lost its address. "

Yeah, we are currently trying to direct it back to its home. But you know how printers are, not much of a sense of direction! :P

Delivered to the Future!

2010-08-17T13:45:00.000-05:00

FedEx has officially blown my mind!!! Here I am, tracking a package that I am expecting, and this is what I see

Aug 17, 2010 1:52 PM - Arrived at FedEx location

Then I glance up at the clock on the computer screen. And what's the time then?

Aug 17, 2010 1:28 PM

:O :O :O

FedEx predicts the arrival of my package at their office 24 mins before it actually gets there!!!! :P :P :P

Cop out!

2010-08-17T09:25:00.002-05:00

Today morning, I spotted a cop driving around in his Police car..... and texting while driving!!!!! :-/ :-/

Now how am I supposed to tell my friends to stop texting while driving without being called an over-enthusiastic cutlet? :-<

Coincidence?

2010-08-05T11:25:00.000-05:00

I work in a lab that studies the relation between drug addiction and the birth of new neurons in the adult brain, also known as adult neurogenesis. I routinely work with rats and when people ask me what it is I do, I try to give as simple an explanation as possible...

"I get rats addicted to morphine then study how that affects their behaviour and neurogenesis over time"

How weird is it that out of all the songs I had on my playlist, my iPod chose to play Enrique Iglesias' "Addicted"?? :-/ :-/

Coincidence?? I certainly hope so! :P :P

Monday Morning Pinks!

2010-08-05T11:21:00.000-05:00

Well, I didn't know what was the opposite of "monday morning blues", so there! This shall be the title of my post!

I have nothing to be cheerful about on Monday mornings. Especially considering that I work 7 days a week and there exists no such this as a "weekend" that I come back from on Mondays.

However, this Monday, I had a reason to rejoice. I have learnt to find pleasure in the little things in life. So of course when I saw that Dawn had fixed a small hitch we had been having over the weekend with our project, I was in a pretty good mood.

Down in the animal facility, I enjoy a certain level of anonymity because of the required dress code of a full apron that covers me, face mask, hair net and the works. So unless somebody knows me by my eyes (or my height), you wouldn't know its me. Taking advantage of this, I opened my dancy songs list on my iPod and set right out to work and danced quite a bit. It was early in the morning and nobody was there! Or at least nobody was SUPPOSED to be there.

A fellow researcher spotted me dancing away to glory in the experiment room and decided to come in a congratulate me on my awesome dance skills! :"> :">

He said: "You must be in a really good mood to be able to dance on a Monday morning right after coming early to work!!! You made my day! :)"

I should do my morning dance more often :)

Friendship's day special :)

2010-07-31T15:24:00.000-05:00

To all my dearest friends

People here often remark that it must be hard for me to be living in the US while all of my closest friends are separated from me by distance (and by an insane time difference!). They feel sorry for me because they have their friends right here in this very country for them to go to everytime they have a problem and to make themselves feel better.

I have been through my very own personal hell over the past few months. But I don't feel sorry for myself, the way my friends here feel for me. Because at the end of my first year here, I've realized that I am never alone :) Time and distance don't matter, my best friends have been there for me when I needed them most.

Girls, thank you for being there for me :) I know that we are together not because of convenience, not because we have to, but because we mean something to each other. I know that even if we don't talk to each other for months together, the next time we pick up the phone, we will be able to pick up from where we left off! :)

Here's to an awesome bond I share with you :)

Happy Friendship's Day!!

Yours,
MG

Working hardly!

2010-07-14T11:15:00.000-05:00

My days have become increasingly hectic in lab. But I am loving my work. I am lucky enough to have 3 whole projects to work on. I manage to split my day and multitask to allow all 3 projects move at a steady pace. The only break I take from work when I am in lab is a one hour lunch break (I might not even get that today!). I don't mind the work. Its actually loads of fun and now I have the true sense of what it is like to work hard to earn your monthly wages.

My boss is also really awesome. On my first day in lab, she assigned me the task of assembling a brand new iMac, right out of the box, for myself to use!!! I am using a brand new computer which has the most awesome wireless mouse! (Apple is really good at making fancy looking computers which are sleek and elegant, but they are damn expensive *sigh*) I eagerly spent the whole day personalizing my computer. After setting my four corners shortcuts and desktop background, I decided to have a "word for the day" screen saver.

Today has been particularly hectic for me. I've been working really hard since I walked in, not even a moment to take a breather. When I finally found a few seconds to spare to quickly retrieve a protocol from my desktop, I came back to find the word of the day.....

slacker |ˈslakər|
noun informal
a person who avoids work or effort.
• a person who evades military service.
• a young person (esp. in the 1990s) of a subculture characterized by apathy and aimlessness.

Guess who is going to look for a new screen saver :-/ :P :P :P

Eat, Pray, Love

2010-07-13T16:04:00.001-05:00

Now there is a movie that I know for sure I will watch when it comes out. And read the book too. The past one year has been pretty dramatic for me, in every sense of the word. And now I feel sick and tired of the theatrics and just want a normal, uneventful life. Everything that I have learnt from all the ups and downs of the past year can be summed up into these three words for me to follow for the coming year.

Eat

I have spent the past one year trying to take care of way too many things, getting tensed all the time and just refusing to settle. It took me a lot of stress to decide on a lab, find an affordable car, learn the ways of taxes and finance, find friends and basically, get into a groove that suits me best. In all the tension, I forgot to take care of myself. To the extent that I cannot recognize the girl staring back at me from the mirror. My first lesson for the year is to learn to give myself the first and biggest priority, to take good care of myself and keep myself happy and satisfied. Because unless I am happy, there is no way in hell people are going to want to hang out with me. This coming year (I think in terms of academic years, not calendar years!) is completely dedicated to me. I know it sounds selfish, but in this fast paced world of grad school, unless I start looking out for myself and looking after myself, I am going to get trampled on pretty soon.

Pray

I am confident that my lab work will keep me busy for as long as I want it to. There is always stuff to be done. I could work here for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and still have stuff to do. What I am not sure about is whether I will stop to give myself some time to relax, unwind and connect with myself, recharge for the coming day. Over the past one year, I have robbed myself of my peace of mind, and always found somebody other than me to blame it on. The truth is, nobody but me is to blame for every second I spent feeling miserable. This coming year, I will find time for myself, for doing the things I love best, for living life outside of work the way that makes me the happiest. Nobody can make me feel low unless I let what they say affect me. I will devote time to gather my thoughts, stay collected and will definitely learn to grow up as and when needed :) I don't want to find myself behaving like a 80 year old any more than I want to find myself behaving like an 8 year old :P

Love

I am not quite sure what to say about this. Except for I have learnt a hard lesson that trust is not something I will invest in anybody unless they have truly earned it. And to earn my trust (thereby my affection) is going to be a hard task for all those who will subsequently enter my life (and perhaps for some of those who are already a part of my life). This doesn't mean that I am going to be distant or aloof from the world. I will still be a girl with a good sense of humour, a healthy sense of sarcasm and lots of people to hang out with, its just not necessary that I will feel a sense of attachment to them. Everybody who knows me in this world laughs when I say this, but its going to be different this time. Yes, there will be plenty of love in my life, but only for those who have earned it :)

I don't need to spend thousands of dollars to spend time in Italy, India and Indonesia to learn what Elizabeth Gilbert learnt. I just need the next one year and my routine life in grad school :)

Then I will use those thousands of dollars that I saved to buy me a new car :P :P :P just kidding! :)

Comical standards

2010-06-28T23:49:00.000-05:00

Today I caught myself laughing at a lady in an advertisement (for beef), dressed like the queen of England, holding a hot dog in her hand and saying:

"I like them so much I call them "Queen Elizabeefs""

:-/

Was that actually funny or did I just lose my mind?

Looking forward but moving backward

2010-06-26T17:30:00.003-05:00

Here's how things have been playing in my mind since I came to Dallas...

- I will have a peace of mind when I settle into my apartment

- I will feel better once I start getting my stipend

- I will be happy once I find a few friends to hang out with

- I will be happy once I am done with my rotations

- I will get a peace of mind once I join a lab

- I will feel better in this lab once I get my own project

- I will have a better life once I get a car

And so on and so forth....

Well, I have settled in my apartment, I have been getting my monthly stipend all this time, I found friends (not the kind I expected but friends are friends), I am done with my rotations (in style!), I joined a lab (the best in UTSW), I have my own project, I have bought my first car...

Today, I told myself, life will be more interesting once I buy a new laptop...

I don't know why I keep telling myself that I must seek something outside in order for me to feel happy or at peace when experience has taught me that I could get everything I wish for and still be unhappy unless I allow myself to get out of it (experience has also taught me to be careful what I wish for because it might just come true.. really, one of the most horrible wishes of mine came true!)

I watched the strangest movie last night where the heroine actually sad "I like to feel sad". That was the most bizarre thing I had ever heard.

But is it really that bizarre? Aren't we all telling ourselves life will get better... eventually...

Just waiting for that elusive event that will turn our fortunes around...

Maybe its time to stop living for other things/people and to start living for ourselves. Well, I've tried everything else, this is definitely worth a shot :)

Birth of neurons and morons

2010-06-25T14:04:00.001-05:00

Adult neurogenesis - generation of new neurons which integrate into memory circuits

Adult morongenesis - a generation of new morons who should be differentiated from your memory circuits

*sigh*

It feels as though off late, my life is filled more with the birth of new morons than neurons.

Ever had such days? :-<

The "warm" feeling

2010-06-21T15:00:00.000-05:00

A typical day at work....

Me: Ah.... its a beautiful day today!

Fellow grad student (Dawn): What's special today?

Me: Nothing much.... Just love the work I do here!

Dawn: :)

Me: In fact, I feel so good, I have this warm feeling as I speak

Dawn: Uh... erm... MG?

Me: Yeah?

Dawn: That's because your rat just peed on you *bursts out laughing*

Me: :-/

A Broken Tape Recorder Life

2010-06-14T22:33:00.001-05:00

Deja vu is a word used too often in my life these days. Everything either seems like I've already been through it.

I thought of 10 different things to blog about only to realize I have already written about them

I say stuff to people and get to hear very often that they've already heard me say it

I have made the exact same mistakes too many times

I have apologized for these same mistakes way too many times (only to go and make that mistake all over again :-<)

My playlist is not much updated in my iTunes.

My protocols in the lab are identical each day.

I eat almost the same food everyday.

Each day has become so standard that I sometimes forget what day of the week it is, or even whether its a weekend or a weekday! Ok fine, so that was an exaggeration. You caught me! I can tell a weekend from a weekday... the lab is empty on weekends :-/ And that's a sad way to tell the difference.

I need to upgrade and update life. I need to do something new, spice things up a bit. I need to change first for that, I am thinking of starting small. and building up from there, give my life a mini-makeover. First small step... maybe find a brand new hobby? :)

Either way, I challenge myself, to find something fresh in life. And to see to it that I carry out this task, I need to challenge myself to write a post on everything new on this blog as proof of change.... which is of course the only thing constant! :)

P.S.: Its kinda ironic that this post also seems very deja vu. And the following sentence is definitely one that I have uttered way too many times on this blog.... I will write post as often as I can, even if they are crappy posts, even if I have to force myself to get back into the old groove, I will not let this page accumulate cobwebs! *koff koff*!

Rediscovering me

2010-06-14T12:28:00.001-05:00

Yesterday my father asked me a very interesting question.

"Why have you stopped blogging?"

Honestly, I don't have a satisfying explanation to that. I tried the most popular one I give when asked the question, which is that I don't like to blog about everyday routine stuff. I prefer to talk about the more interesting, funnier or more philosophical thoughts/events/etc. That is not a satisfactory reason. Simply because this logic directly contradicts the title of my blog (I put a lot of thought into the title!). If "life as I know it" right now is kinda routine, slightly boring, not perky or interesting, it shouldn't matter that my blog posts are also in shades of grey. After all its my blog. And blogging used to make me happy.

My blog became such an integral part of my during the course of my undergrad that when I don't blog, things just seem incomplete. And my very observant father spotted that! Let me conclude this kick start to Macho Girl with the rest of the conversation with dad.

Dad - Do you blog now a day?

Me - Nope

Dad - Read books?

Me - Nope

Dad - Play the violin?

Me - Nope

Dad - Do any sketching?

Me - Nope

Dad - Don't you have any hobbies at all?

Me - Not at the moment

Dad - Don't forget that the MG we all know and love used to write lots of blog posts, have a voracious appetite for books, play the violin at concerts and do lots and lots of pencil sketching. That is a part of who you are and what you derive happiness out of. Don't lose it. Kick start yourself with your blog. Even a routine boring post will do. Then it will be only a matter of time before the old MG reappears :)

Thanks dad! Love you loads!

Googlation forever

2010-05-01T17:35:00.000-05:00

"Googlate" is just a cool various of using "google" as a verb. It was created in our department one boring afternoon and has since become quite a hit in my dictionary.

I never realised how much my life revolves around google. Almost anything and everything is available there for me to read. Anything that I need, I just googlate it. One of my friends in lab noticed how much I was like her in that respect and sent me a link to another search engine that she uses. Its not google. She said she switched to that since this particular search engine gave her points for using it on a daily basis and that she could use these points to redeem gift cards. I was a skeptic. But then she showed me her new amazon gift cards. I was a believer. I downloaded the toolbar and started using this new search engine over and over again. Now I have enough points to redeem an amazon gift card (in just a matter of weeks).

But how have these past couple of weeks been for me? Literally, life changing! And not for the better! There is a sudden feeling of insecurity each time I click on a search result. Is this the correct link? Can I trust this page? Never mind that the page in question is something like wiki or imdb which is what google would have given me too. But the fact of the day is, for important stuff like course work, I still trust only google.

And I am not the only one! I know a girl who can't use google because yahoo is her engine of preference and the list just goes on.

What is it about search engine webpages that make us feel "at home" or more "secure" than the other???

Change - The only thing constant (part 2)

2010-04-12T01:36:00.000-05:00

Its been a long time since I blogged. Need to dust the cobwebs from here. There was a point of time when I used to look at the world through "blogger eyes" (as clueless put it :P). I don't know what has changed now... maybe life is more hectic, maybe more responsibilities have come my way, maybe the science (the one constant presence in my life) has become more challenging, but whatever it is, my blog seems to have taken the back seat. Sometimes I feel like the main reason why I have been struggling to write on this page is because contrary to my original belief, my blog is not really a place where I write about life as I know it, but life as I knew it in Singapore. In other words, MG's blogger eyes = Singapore happenings. Either ways, enough speculation, lets see if I can breathe some life into this page and go back to the "life as I know it" trend.

Now that I'm done with the prologue, let me get on to the post! I thought I'd start off with a random collection of changes that have come in my life right now, kinda like catching this blog page up to speed, then continue with my usual rants.

The best mirror of yourself is an old friend. And just last week, I had the chance to meet an old friend (simplime) from Singapore who is also here in the US doing her Ph.D. We were meeting after 8 months. And it was only after meeting her that I realised how much I have changed, for better and for worse!

- Much longer hair, styled very girly
- No more round necked t-shirts and baggy jeans
- Complete switch in my shopping personality! I know how to pick nice looking girly tops now!
- Matured tastes (according to simplime :D)
- Bottom line -> Macho girl has turned into girlie girl... almost a 180 degree turn! And thats and "almost" because its common belief that truly girlie girls also care about shoes and cosmetics, which I don't!

Other than that, life has changed in terms of added responsibilities.

- I have now bought a car! Finally! Its a Hyundai Elantra, silver gray, and not in the best condition! But that was a huge drain on my financial resources
- Along came insurance responsibilities with that
- Monthly bills
- Lab work is my profession now, I get paid for it so its a more serious affair now than was my undergrad project

Other than that, I realized during the trip that I have changed as a person too. And I realized that because I could feel the difference in the way I interacted with Simplime. It was so different from the last time we met. I felt like I had grown up, a lot. I have become a lot more stable, lot more cynical, lot more independent, lot less sarcastic, lot more confident about myself, lot more secure and also perhaps a lot ruder. The good, the bad and the ugly.

But the biggest change of all....

Other than the frequency of posts, is my style of writing

I prefer the earlier style! This style bores more to death. Can't imagine how a reader would feel! :P

Just Do It

2010-03-13T08:18:00.000-06:00

I finally realized last night that I had been tricking myself into believing (like several others in the field) something that is actually not completely true. Now that I am at the cross roads, embarking on a 5 year commitment to science, a commitment to a lab and its work, I need to pause and call myself a hypocrite.

Ask the life science students why they do what they do. 95% of them will tell you something like "I want to cure cancer", "I think I know what to do about AIDS", "I want to solve world hunger" (some people do genuinely want to do that actually, its not fair to say they don't). I realized that most of us have this need to know that in this life that we have, we will leave behind a mark that will be recognized for generations to come. So why not make the lives of a few people better while working towards that. Set a lofty goal.

I frankly don't know how my dissertation project is going to help solve anything for anybody. All it does is satiate my hunger in the field of neuroscience and my curiosity about neurogenesis and neuroplasticity (so proud of myself to be able to use these words!). But that's probably as far as I go. If I was that keen on helping solve the mystery of some neuropsychiatric disorder, why didn't I join a lab working on Parkinson's or Alzheimer's? Or even a lab working on drug addiction relapse or depression therapies? To be honest, sometimes the work in those labs also seem to go tangential to what they claim to be doing. They always lose sight of the bigger picture (eg.: develop more effective anti-depressants that work long-term but have effects immediately). It takes most of them 20-30 mins to figure out why this amazing knock out mouse is going to help solve the problem. Why is that?

Here's a not-so-inconvenient truth.

We tell everybody that the ultimate goal is to cure XYZ with this research. Because the money to fund your lab is scarce. And NIH wants to know that they are making a good investment by funding you. They need to know you are doing something related to "health". Duh. Its the National Institutes of Health.

But just admit it once. The reason you do what you do is not because you wanna so badly cure XYZ.

You are doing it because that's what makes you the happiest and there is nothing else you'd rather be doing in this world other than looking at brain slices under the microscope to learn something new each day.

And sometimes, that is a perfectly valid justification for doing what you do :) :) :)

Yay Ph.D!!!! :D

2010-03-04T22:55:00.002-06:00

It was totally worth the struggle.

MG has crossed a new milestone in her career and finally joined a lab for Ph.D!!!!

I had to fight for this spot, it was not easy.... I was shifting from biochemistry and going completely over to the super awesome field of neuroscience. And my second rotation was my intro into the field. Its also the best lab ever!!!

Unfortunately after second rotation, I got to hear that she might not have enough funding to take me on. She recommended that I look for another lab for rotation that could potentially be a new home for my grad school while she sorted out her finances. If she could fund me then great, if not, I'd still have my third rotation lab in the same department to go on with.

There is no other lab in this world that I have wanted to join so badly. No other field of research that I was so keen on. And till just a few hours ago, I thought it was out of my reach.

After a long and tiring battle, I am proud to announce that I emerged successful!

I now have an offer from the lab of my preference!!!! :D :D :D The ball is in my court, finally!

If I had just joined a lab without this struggle, I doubt the victory would not have been as sweet as this. So even though I grumbled, I can say now that I am grateful I had tough competition for the vacancy. I've never been so satisfied before.

YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

Here's to a career in answering all of the difficult questions that our very own brains have to offer to us! :) Let's hear it for neuroscience!!!

Woohoooo!!! :D : D :D *bounces around the room... boing boing boing!!!*

P.S.: Missing my parents and my best buddy, clueless, today!!! Without you people, I wouldn't be where I am. Thank you for always believing the best in me and pushing me ahead in my life :) :) You rock my world! :D \m/

Cars

2010-02-24T13:24:00.000-06:00

There is no better way to title this post... Except maybe adding a "shopping" to it. But then I dont know why I thought that would be lame!

Anyway, so I have finally started one of the things on my to-do list for this year, which is car shopping! So far I have test driven 2 cars, both very colourful episodes :P

Car 1 - 2001 Hyundai Accent (red)

Somebody I know here was thinking of selling their hyundai car at a rate that was affordable for me. And I was super excited about it. I had almost decided that this was the car for me. Affordable price, not driven excessively, fuel efficient. Cool. So on the day of test drive, I get a call saying a mechanic is here to fix some sensor in the engine and that I could come and ask this mechanic for an opinion on the car. First bad sign - an engine full of rust. But then I was told, never mind that, its because the car used to be in Wisconsin that its so rusted. With some difficulty, I swallow that story. And I decide to take this car for a long drive to test it out. I ran two red lights that day... not because I am in the habit of breaking the law, but because the car doesn't seem to like to brake for the law :-\ so here i am, trying to pump the brakes, but the car happily cruises past the red ligh. Oh the horror! When asked about it, the owner tells me, "I just had the brakes changed! They work really well!"

:-\

Try telling that to the other poor souls in the car who had come on the test drive with me. We are all happy to have escaped with our lives!

Car 2 - 2002 Toyota Corolla

I was really happy to see the ad for this car on the internet. They had posted tons of pics of the car, it was a reasonable price, seemed well maintained and good to go for atleast 2-3 years. And thats all I am looking for. So I drag my friend to go see this car. We drive on to the address given, only to land up in a warehouse that looks very shady. I call the seller and ask him if he is sure he gave me the right address coz all I can see is a warehouse with no apparent way to get in. Not that I wanted to get in. I felt safer just sitting in my friend's car. He assures me its the right place and a few seconds later, the door of the warehouse opens and he walks out... did I mention the area seemed shady? Remided me of CSI. Inside the warehouse are a minimum of 10 cars, all of sale, all look like they've been stolen. I am pretty sure they were stolen. But of course, the owner insists they are all legitimate and leads me to the Corolla. Oh the horror... it didn't have a license plate, the state inspection was due really soon and it didnt look like it might pass the inspection. The tires were balder than Lex Luthor's head. Erm... dude, this car doesn't look like the one in the pictures. What's going on? :-/ Lets get outta here!

Car 3 - 2007 Honda Accord

Now, you'd expect this car to sell at a price higher than $15,000. But the quoted price was $3000. I swear, I thought the guy dropped a zero by mistake, but he hadn't. And it came fully loaded with an in built GPS navigation system, awesome audio system, all the works. So I create a bogus email account for myself and email this seller asking why he is giving away this car for such a small sum. I get a reply saying he lived somewhere north and that he is in the marines. He is getting shipped to Afghanistan (WTH??) soon and he needs to leave some money with his wife and three kids. The "forth" kid is on his way. He tried to sell the car on eBay with the buyer protection program (huh?) and shipped the car all the way to Alaska to the winning bidder only to find out the dude didn't have enough money. If I had 3000 on me, I should send it to eBay and he will ship the Honda to my place of residence. All I need to do is give him my address :-/ Yeha right! No wonder the car was going at 3000! :P :P :P :P Seriously, when people told me anything can happen in the US, I didnt fully prepare myself for that! Found two such similar deals online. One of them said he is going to Iraq and the other to Cuba. They all have wives and "forth" kid coming along. And they've all been duped by the eBay buyer protection program and need my address to ship brand new cars to me :P

Car 4 - 2002 Mitsubishi Eclipse

I am going to test drive this on Friday. I can't wait! Found this ad here on campus so I am guessing it will be from a decent person. She is French and leaving back to France real soon. So she is trying to get rid of her car. I really hope this works out! Its super affordable and its a good car. Best of all, I think I qualify to buy it, based on the ad she had posted.... :P

Mitsubishi Eclipse for sale. If somebody is interesting, please call this number

Just hope I am interesting enough! ;)

Dear Teacher, (3)

2010-02-13T12:06:00.000-06:00

As a kid, I never really thought I would get involved in sports, maybe basketball, perhaps long jump, but most certainly not high jump or sprints. I don't know if it was some lucky coincidence that we met for the first time on a day when I was in jeans and t-shirt (which make me look taller than when I was in school uniform) but I still remember the day you told me that I had a very good height and I could make use of this natural advantage of mine to shine in sports. I had come to you that day as an errand girl, but I left as the newest recruit on the athletics team.

After two months of rigorous training, you decided it was time for me to test my skills in an athletic meet. Everybody (including myself!) was skeptical. A rookie high jump athlete. No chance! Yet I walked away with a bronze medal that day... my first ever accomplishment in the field of sports, my stepping stone to a journey that would ultimately earn me 50 medals, half of which were gold, and eventually lead me into state level meets for high jump and long jump. You were so proud of me, I remember, you showed me off to the principal as the PT department's latest achievement! She was speechless!

I never looked back since. You were the most awesome coach ever. You and I both know how stingy the school was when it came to budgeting the PT department's requirements. We had minimal equipment. Just barely enough to tide us all through. Heck, we didnt even have a decent changing room so we could all get into our sport gear at the end of a school day. But you found a way to make the best use of the resources that we had. I loved the days when we would do our weight training instead of the jumps. It always prepared me to be a stronger person. And I am so glad my main event was high jump, because I was always inspired to push myself a little more than I was actually capable of, trying to raise the bar, literally and figuratively!

I grew up with the PT department. And before I knew it, you were planning my future for me. A long time before I was old enough to be a "senior", you trained me in sprints and shot put too. Why? Because once I became a senior, I would be eligible to be considered for championships in all the athletic meets! But for that the requirement was to participate in 2 field and 2 track events at least and get the highest number of medals. I remember the first meet we went to after I became a senior. We won!!!! I got the championship and you were so happy that day because the championship boosted the school's points and we marched on to victory!

I bet you can never forget the Olympiad meet that we had, 200 schools participating. Most schools went back empty handed, but ours didn't. Its simply because of all the faith you had in me.

In school, the "coolest" student is the one who ultimately becomes the Cultural Secretary in the student leader body. The sports secretary is known as the most popular person (Indian version of the quarterback!) and the school pupil leaders (aka head girl and head boy) were both the most popular and the coolest people. Thanks to you, when I was in 11th standard, I became the most popular kid in school and in 12th, the most popular and the coolest kid!

I am pretty darn sure one of the main reasons NUS took me in was because of everything you had trained me for. People knew who the heck MG was because of everything you had done for me. I was the sports star. Otherwise I would have been just another nameless face roaming the corridors of high school. Today, whenever I go to the gym, I think about you, think about all the sophisticated exercise machines around me and miss our primitive version of the "gym" that we set up for the students with the limited money we had.

You fought for sports in a school which believed that sports was a waste of time and distraction from the oh-so-important state ranks in 10th and 12th. You fought with all the other teachers to keep your athletes on the field instead of losing them to books 24x7. You motivated the athletes to excel both in studies and sports. You believed in our potential. You proved that sports could also allow a student to soar high. Unfortunately, all your arguments keep falling on deaf ears.

I heard today that you met with an accident and that your spine is injured. Mobility will be limited. And I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel about it. When I had my knee injury and eventually realised that it was the end of my life in competitive sports, it shattered me. But that's just a small knee injury, I really can't imagine what you must be going through now.

I have never ever told you what you mean to me or how grateful I am for all that you have helped me accomplish. Even though nobody in school would agree to this statement, but a big part of the reason why I am at this place in my life is you. And there is no place on earth I would rather be. But you don't know any of this. Just a visit to school twice a year from an old student just doesn't send the message across, about how deeply this student appreciates you.

Sitting here, I feel helpless. I wish I could tell you all these things. I should have told you when I had the chance last summer. But its not the end. I am praying that the next time I come back there, you'll still be around in the field for me to tell you these things. Every teacher deserves to know how much of a difference they have made in a student's life.

In our case, I really hope its not too late....

Your loving student,
MG

Where'd we go?

2010-02-06T12:23:00.000-06:00

Obviously we had forseen it happening. But we never realized the magnitude of events to unfold. I never believed that its possible to just "fall" out of touch with your best buddies from school. Yet here I am, on Feb 6th, wondering how the heck did it slip my mind! Once upon a time, Jan 6th, Feb 6th and May 23rd were such important days in our lives! We always made time for each other on those days. But for the past 5 years, none of us has wished each other a happy birthday.

I guess in a Dil Chahta Hai scenario for us, each of us takes on the characteristics of Akash, Sid and Sameer. I guess I was more like Akash, thinking to myself, "We can do this every year! We can meet every vacation! We'll still hang out when we start college, nothing has to change". Little did I know that the Sid in our group was wiser. Forget about meeting every vacation, meeting every few years will also be difficult, even if we are in the same town.

Last time I went home for vacation, I had a conversation with Sow. It stretched on for 5-10 mins. Beyond the general "hello, how's life, whatcha upto", it was hard to pick topics to talk about. Our lives have diverged so much that now there is nothing common left (at one point both of us actually acknowledged that with a "What's this yaar?! There was a time when we'd spend hours on the phone! Now we don't even know what to talk about! :P)

Of course, life is all about moving on, enjoying the relationships that we have going on in our lives and so on. But every once in a while, I can't help but to stop, look back and miss the relations that I've lost along the way.

Happy birthday Nairi. I know you may never read this post. And I know we haven't spoken in the longest time. And Sow, I know that even though we did speak this vacation, we are drifting apart...

But that doesn't make the days that we did have together any less special :) Miss you girls! Miss the trio! Maybe things will change the next time we meet, maybe we'll have more to catch up on

Until then...

Dil Chahta Hai :) :) :)

American Life

2010-02-05T23:43:00.000-06:00

I have been in the US of A for more than 5 months now. Time to look back and see how I have adapted :P

- I run 3.5 miles everyday in the gym... 3.5 miles, not 5.6 kilometers
- I find 30 degrees Fahrenheit freezing and then realize that its probably because its below 0 degrees celcius
- Didja say your weight is 54kg? That's like 120 lb right?
- I drive on the right side of the road
- I drive on parkways and park on driveways :P
- Some shops actually have jeans that are my length in the girls section
- I think the Mavericks are totally cool
- I actually know who the Mavericks are!
- I watch One Tree Hill real time on TV every Monday at 7pm instead of catching it later online
- I can catch the live version of the Grammys, Emmys and Screen actors guild awards actually air at 7pm rather than 6am.
- I can fill up the gas tank (not petrol tank!) of a car
- Public transport? What the heck is that? I need a car! :-/
- Walmart is a one stop answer to all of life's needs!
- I now roll my eyes at the corny television ads and wonder how the makers don't feel stupid while filming them (long live Indian commercials!)
- I finally figured out what the heck "Macy's" is
- I postpone my major item shopping (like watches, camera, external hard drive etc) to Thanksgiving
- Totally freaked out with the concept of every car having a cruise control option (no wonder people fall asleep on freeways!)
- Wanna go hunt a deer for dinner? The local gun store is just around the corner! :-/ :-/ :-S
- I have rebelled against the two "best" wireless companies, AT&T and Verizon, and thanks to that I now have unlimited minutes and texting for just $50! (Otherwise all wireless companies friggin charge for incoming SMS!!! AND incoming call minutes are counted along with outgoing calls!!! WTH!!!! :O :O :O)
- I actually have an opinion on the Dallas Cowboys
- I wish the Cowboys were playing this Sunday

Coz this Sunday night, I am going to do the most "American" thing of my stay here...

Getting together with the gang in front of a big screen with chips, dip, drinks and the works to catch the Superbowl game!!! :D :D :D

Go Saints!!! \o/

The Surgeon

2010-01-25T12:38:00.000-06:00

I was super excited that I managed to do stereotactic surgeries on rats and actually got a pat on the back from my supervisor for that. He thought I performed them really well and would reach perfection with a little more practise. I was overjoyed, mainly because being good at rat surgeries means minimal discomfort for the animals. I feel guilty enough working with animals without having to cause them tremendous pain.

Today when I walked in, I got the news that one of the rats I had done surgery on died. He never woke up from the anesthesia shot. My supervisor speculated it was mainly due to the potency of the anesthetic that we use (which has a history of animals that don't wake up). He said that one of the rats he had done surgery on had also met with the same fate. But I feel personally responsible for the little guy's death, no matter what the supervisor thinks is the reason.

I turned to vegetarianism a few months ago to compensate me working with animals and sacrificing them to harvest their brains and collect data.

I'm not so sure if that alone is enough anymore. But I also dont know what else I can do to make up for killing animals in the name of science.

What bothers me the most is that if I continue to work in a lab dealing with animals, there will come a time when killing animals or having unsuccessful surgeries is just another day in the office. The day when I stop feeling bad for these animals and become dispassionate about the whole deal scares the crap out of me.

The worst part is, that day will come, for sure.

The Chef

2010-01-24T17:35:00.000-06:00

So over the course of the past one week, I have made pulav (with raitha to go with it), kadi, rasam, sambar, bhendi curry, potato bajji (not bhaaji), pongal etc etc. I have also hosted at least 4-5 get togethers in my place, one of which was for celebrating pongal and I single handedly managed to cook for 10 people (yes you heard that right, 10 people!) within 40 minutes! I have come a long way from being the timid girl who used to take 2 hours to cook beans to a whirlwind who can whip up a full course meal in less than an hour! :D

Its only a matter of time before this blog starts seeing recipes from creative arsenal of this budding chef :P:P

But for now, let me not get too ahead of myself! ;)

And the inspiration for this sudden enthusiasm in cooking? Why, its gymming of course! I've been working out for atleast 1 hour each day and considering I invest so much time in keeping myself fit, I thought it would be good to complement that with healthy food instead of eating out. Now I finally know what a balanced diet is :)

Here's to remaining a health freak for as long as I can!

My Shitty Project

2010-01-15T22:19:00.000-06:00

For somebody who whines a lot about ethical problems in the field of life sciences, I sure have surprised myself over the past few months. I never ever thought I would join a lab that had animal work, not even for a rotation. But here I am, after having done a rotation for 8 weeks with rats and mice, moving on to my next rotation, again with rats. And my kill score? Well, so far I haven't killed any all by myself. But I played a major major role in the sacrificing of 10 rats and 12 mice. If you think that's a lot of animals for just a rotation, you should hear some other stories from people in the field!

But for some strange reason, I've been attracted towards a neuroscience world. I had promised myself to stay away from anything glamourous or cliched in the field of life sciences, simply because I wanted to walk on the road less travelled and feel good about being different. I get pissed when somebody asks me what I do and then say, "Oh yeah, everybody is doing that now a days". But somehow, despite it being a glamourous field, I just went towards neuroscience like iron to a magnet! My work in these labs in a nutshell? In the previous lab, I was getting rats addicted to morphine and now in this lab, I deal cocaine to rats. No, I am not turning towards the dark world of drug dealing or doing drugs. Quite the opposite actually. I was studying the effects of addiction on nerve generation in the brain earlier and now I am studying why relapse rates are as high as 90% in cocaine addicts trying to go clean.

Here are some day to day, non-glamourous happenings in a addiction study lab

- I have rats pee and poop all over me every single day

- Evening showers are more meaningful now. I come back smelling like rat poop

- I have rats trying to bite me everyday because they know that I am the girl who takes them away from the cocaine

- I get super annoyed anytime somebody asks me, "so what if a drug addict joins the lab in order to try and steal some cocaine or whatever drugs you have in lab?". Probably I find it frustrating that I don't have a satisfactory answer to that.

- I spend a lot of time cleaning the rat cages each day after the experiments. Maybe I am ready to have a cat or a dog and to clean up after them!

- I don't think I will get a cat or a dog anytime soon because I am too busy taking care of my pet rats in lab. I'm a good master. I keep them happy by dealing drugs to them :-/ :-/

- Its sad to see a rat begging you for more drugs. Yes, rats get addicted too.

- Cocaine addicted rats are violent while morphine addicted rats are just... well... high... interesting difference in drug effects

- I've stopped asking for "coke" in cafeterias. It just seems wrong. I have started asking for "regular coke" instead. Come to think of it, that's also kinda disturbing

All in all, I have a pretty shitty project, in a literal sense, 16 rats pooping on me each day.

And I've never felt so satisfied about my work :D

It's a mistake!

2010-01-14T08:25:00.000-06:00

When I was in 12th std....

Me: Mom, Dad, I wanna enroll in the Ten-Test program

Parents: What's a Ten test?

Me: Its something a tuition centre close to home offers. They'll give 10 model exams for Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Biology, correct the papers and give them back

Parents: 10 model exams in the span of 2-3 months???? From a tuition centre??? Doesn't your school have model exams?

Me: The school has 3 model exams

Parents: 13 model exams??? But why do you want to put yourself through the torture of writing extra exams? I thought kids these days try to avoid exams and find a way to get out of them!

Me: Well... not this one!

The reasoning behind the whole Ten-Test series back then was that I was extremely thorough with my text books and didn't know what to study/revise anymore. In spite of that, I never got full marks in science and maths because I'd always make some careless mistake or the other. But the good thing was, everytime I made a mistake in the exam, I'd learn from it and never ever ever never ever again make the same mistake. But the problem was, every test, I used to make a different mistake and still lose marks! So the idea was that if I write 13 model exams, I would have learnt from so so so many mistakes that in my final board exam, I'd get full marks or at least really really close to that!

The strategy was an overwhelming success. For the first time in my life, my overall score (including english and french) was 98.6%. an achievement I am very proud of and also that would not have been possible without my bizarre Ten-test program! Making mistakes really helped in making my score a little better each time.

These past two days in Dallas, I have been sitting and looking back at the 5 months that I have spent here. And I realize that there were a lot of decisions that I had taken in life that were not so smart. And I regret them deeply now. For a while I felt like everything was ruined. In such a situation of desperation and hopelessness, I went on a calling spree, calling and talking to a few old friends from undergrad. And the really close friends had the same thing to say to me....

"You made some mistakes over the past 5 months, yes, there is no denying that. But why do you look at that so negatively? You gotta pick yourself up, brush off the dust and keep going! Learn from your mistakes. Its a good thing in a way that these things happen. Now you know how to handle such scenarios should you ever encounter them again. And trust me, you will encounter them again and again in your adult life."

I guess over the past 4 years I had enrolled in some strange kind of Ten-test series with the friends I made in Singapore.

The last time I took the Ten-test, it was totally worth it.

I am sure it will be again :) Looking to score more than 98.6% this time :) :) :)

My White Christmas

2010-01-02T13:51:00.002-06:00

Note: I meant to publish this post on Christmas Eve but stupid blogger wouldn't upload the pictures so it had to wait till after new year's day. Anyways, here's the christmas post, slightly delayed :)

Dallas has not seen a white christmas in the past 80 years! And the first year that I land here, the city gets 3-4 inches of snow! That's just the right amount, not too little that it disappears in an hour, not so much that everybody gets snowed in! Anyway, we'll let the pictures talk :)

View from my apartment, before the snow storm

It's started snowing, but I'm not sure if that's visible in this picture

A leafless tree. Just thought it looked pretty :)

The first snowflake... on my sweatshirt :)

Yay! Snow on rooftop! :)

Macro-ing in on the snow on the leaves

Snow accumulation on my staircase in front of the apartment. Made it pretty slippery yet exciting!

My footprint on the snow at the base of the above mentioned staircase

The classic lone-street-lamp-in-snow picture. Very wintery :) :)

Snow fall!!!

Erm... more snow :P

My footprint on the snow covered grass

Snow covered car

Snow covered flowers :( :(

Bus stop waiting area... too cold to sit on that now!

Merry christmas! :)

Lots more snow!!! :D :D :D

Hope all you awesome people out there had a wonderful christmas and a good new year! :)

P.S.: Those of you dudettes who want a white christmas.... come this year to Dallas and spend time with me! You pay for the plane ticket, I will take care of everything else in the US :)

A fresh start

2009-12-24T20:05:00.004-06:00

Ok first of all...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Hope everybody has a rocking year ahead!

I am entering this new year with mixed feelings. In a strange way, I feel like entering 2010 means I am shedding the last strings of attachment to Singapore. I don't understand why. I guess its because as long as I was in 2009, I knew that half of it was spent in a country that became (and still is in a way) my second home. In this sense, I kinda didn't want to come into the new year.

But there is so much that's going to happen this year, its exciting and scary at the same time!

Hopefully, by December 2010, I would have crossed all of these things off the list

- Get an American Driver's license
- Own a car (woohoo! can't wait!)
- Get a couple of credit cards (my first ever ones... I am growing up!)
- Settle in a lab that will be my home for the next 5 years
- Settle in a program in the university that I will graduate under
- Complete a good chunk of my qualifying exam proposal (if not all of it!)
- Get more furniture in my apartment and settle down properly into my apartment
- No longer call this place "my apartment" and call it "home" instead
- Travel to at least 3-4 places outside of Dallas (at least 2 outside Texas)
- At least one of the above mentioned travels should be a road trip in my own car

Wow... half this list has to be completed within the next 3 months! Now that's scary....

None of these qualify as a new year's "resolution". Because resolutions are often broken. If I don't complete this list, I am screwed! Except the travelling part :P That's the distract myself from all the hard work that precedes it!

I never ever imagined that my first car would be bought because it was absolutely essential for survival in a city. I always thought it would be something that I buy because I can, not because I have to :( *sigh*

Anyways, here's hoping that this blog will see more posts this coming year, including pictures to mark the accomplishment of tasks from my list above!

Cheers! *clink*

*hic!*

:P

P.S.: I have some pretty AWESOME pictures that would be such jewels in my blog however, stupid blogger just won't let me upload them! :( Will try to get them up asap! :)

Breakaway

2009-12-21T22:17:00.002-06:00

Its been the longest time since I updated my blog (or even paid it a visit!). So much so that I saw Clueless' latest post long after it was published! :O I always manage to catch Clueless' new posts within 24 hours of publication!!! I deserve one tight slap... *slap*... ouch

But in my defense, settling in the USA has been no small task. In fact, I wouldn't say I am fully settled in yet. My definition of "fully settled" is that point of time when you don't feel too homesick and are constantly thinking of jumping on the next flight back to India (and bankrupting yourself in the process). I reached that point within 2 weeks of living in Singapore. Somehow it was so much easier to call Singapore my second home and have loads of fun (while being productive at the same time, of course... what did you expect? I was a student!). But Dallas is a whole new ball game and I was clearly not prepared to handle this.

When I was in Singapore, I used to tell everybody that I just NEED to go to the US to do my Ph.D, not because I don't think Singaporean universities are good enough for me, but because it would be a chance for me to explore a whole new continent. And I love travelling. So it was awesome to think of going to the US and feel excited about the adventures I'd embark on. While I was preparing for GRE, applying to universities and waiting for responses, I used to randomly say stuff to clueless about what I'd do when I move to the US.... eat at the fast food joints at least once simply because this is the motherland of fast food, buy my own car, go to walmart (yeah, that was something of an excitement to me back then), roadtrips, shopping, lab work, living in your own apartment, earning your own money, being completely independent.... The US was like a dream to me... and frustratingly enough, all the universities kept rejecting my application. When I did finally get an acceptance, I was so overwhelmed with joy about stuff falling into place! Finally! Now I am finally spread my wings, explore a new country, a new lifestyle, a new sense of independence, a feeling that the world is mine to conquer.

I took it for granted that settling in the US would be the same if not easier than settling in Singapore. I've been here 4 months and I still really want to just go back home (both Chennai and Singapore). Bottom line... still uncomfortable in Dallas and not feeling completely at home. Everytime I think "Ok, this is it! I have settled in!" something or the other comes my way as if to tell me "Not so easy sista!".

One trusted companion through the whole journey has been my iPod. And as usual, I was listening to songs as I was waiting for the shuttle to university today. And on came Kelly Clarkson singing "breakaway".

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away

I need to remind myself of who I am and all the things that I have. Because I know I am the kind who won't stop till I touch the sky. And I have been given a chance here to live my dreams... I don't know why I am wasting all this feeling this way. Its not easy, but I will change things around here and make life 10 times more awesome than what I had bargained for.

I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Haiku

2009-11-11T23:58:00.001-06:00

Here's something from my first semester in undergrad! One of my favourite (I refuse to turn American in my spelling!) Haikus...

The deer leaps, eyes wide
Freezes in headlights--too late--
Venison tonight.

(from Honku: the Zen Antidote to Road Rage by Aaron Narparstek)

Say... what???

2009-11-11T00:57:00.003-06:00

I was known for my lightning fast snappy replies to anything said to me. Quite famous for my brand of sarcasm. And most popular for how fast my mind worked! Ask anybody from my school days or undergrad days, they'll tell you that my mind works so fast that even before the speaker finishes uttering the sentence, I would have derived a 100 different interpretations of what they said. And I always knew what the right interpretation was at the end of the day (of course, pretending otherwise served for some good leg pulling, but that's a different story all together!). My snappy and sarcastic replies drew the most number of comments from people. Clueless' standard dialogue to me - "Can't you ever give a straight answer?! *exasperated look*". And I was in the process of becoming an expert at PJs! I used to sound smart in my conversations.

People in Dallas, however, might beg to differ.

I have forgotten how to give snappy replies

I have forgotten how to be funny

I have forgotten how to make people laugh (sometimes even smile!)

I have forgotten sarcasm

But the biggest change... I have become slow... My mind no longer is able to process the information given to me the way I used to. In a "don't you get it without me having to tell it explicitly" situation, I just don't understand. I am ashamed to say that I have to either ask what that person meant explicitly or just pretend to understand what the hell is going on and give a "joey laugh" to try and look smart.

I have forgotten how to be fun and sound smart!

I have become boring :(

Change - The only thing constant

2009-10-30T22:42:00.004-05:00

Dear Friend,

And the beat goes on... we've had joy, we've had fun, we've had seasons in the sun! And somehow, we have finally reached the day my blog reaches its 200th post :) remember when I started off, I didn't even know if I'd go past 50. I have written four times as much and it doesn't seem like its going to end anytime soon. Sure, this blog has had its periods of hyperactiveness, sometimes it goes into hibernation mode, but through thick and thin, this has been MY BLOG, my friend, my everything! This is where I come for guidance, somehow writing here makes my thoughts a lot clearer...

This blog has also been awesome for me to get into a bit of introspection. I know too much of it is bad for my health (:P), but this has been just the right amount. This blog has seen me grow out of my insecurities and become the person I am today. I started off as a fresh undergrad in Singapore, today I am a graduate student in USA! I have come a long way! This blog has heard me think out aloud about my career options and every other thing in my life. If anybody has the patience to read all my posts, I think its safe to assume that that person will know a great deal about me!

This blog also saw me finding an awesome friend in Singapore and making all the right choices (amidst all the mistakes) and today my blog knows how much I miss that special friend. I miss you a lot. I miss our gang and somehow wish I could turn back time and relive all our amazing moments.

More than anything, that's the main reason why this blog is awesome for me. All I need to do is take a trip down to the vault... and voila, I am there with you again! This is why I blog, my dear friend, so that several years down the line, I will be able to re-live every precious moment of my life.

And its all thanks to you that I have this wonderful treasure with me...

Here's to another 200 posts and more!

Love,
MG

Rats!

2009-10-26T21:02:00.001-05:00

I have started my second rotation in a lab that works on a field that is almost totally alien to me... NEUROSCIENCE!!! I have been more of a protein biochemist who likes to express proteins in E.coli cells and then purify and characterize them. I have some knowledge on protein structure-function relations, protein folding, enzyme kinetics etc etc, but believe me, I stayed away from neuroscience.

So what inspired me to suddenly try this out? Suddenly out of the blue? Well, it was on somebody's recommendation that I went and met this professor. I figured, whats the harm in meeting. Its not like I am going to commit to anything, not even a rotation. So I took up an appointment and went to see her. And she turned out to be one of the best people I have ever met! Her love and enthusiasm for her work was so infectious, I just had to be a part of it! So I committed myself to joining her lab for a rotation... in spite of being neuro-illiterate, in spite of not having worked with animals, in spite of all the odds against me, I took a bold step forward (if I may say so myself)

And I find that I don't regret it! Its an awesome lab! And today I got to do something entirely new. I worked with mouse brain sections, put them in order and mounted them on slides, then I went with the grad student who will be mentoring me to handle rats! I held a real, live, white lab rat in my hand!!!! It was kinda ok, sorta like holding a tiny kitten (something that I am very much used to). And I have decided that I love the lab, love the prof, love the people and love the science.

But at the end of the day, we all know that nothing is perfect. There has to be a catch somewhere or the other.

Somehow I am wondering if the ethics behind using animal models will come in my way, should I eventually decide to join this lab long term... Will I be able to sleep with a peace of mind? Maybe I will get used to it, it didn't seem so bad today.

But the question still lingers on in my mind.... I guess only time will tell.

I will have to wait and see. Hope and pray

Girly girl strikes again!

2009-10-22T19:47:00.003-05:00

Yeah I know, my posts are getting kinda repetitive :P But I don't care! Because this is my blog and it reflects my life as I know it at this point of time.

Its common knowledge that macho girl has been growing into a girly girl (as soleil put it, from MG to GG!). As days go by, I am beginning to realise just how profound the changes are!

For the first time in my life, I am actually looking forward to pay day so that I can go out on a bit of shopping to expand my otherwise lifeless wardrobe.

Any tomboy would know that making the transition from that to girly-ness is not a task to be done alone. Actually, even if I wanted to, I CANNOT do it alone because I wouldn't know where to start!

While I was in Singapore, I had Clueless, Soleil and CS to help me out. I got an awesome red top (thanks CS! everybody loved it!) and a sexy denim skirt!

I was worried my transition would remain half done after I moved to Dallas. But looks like its my destiny to become the person I was meant to be!

Ady, I love the person I am becoming now thanks to you! Thanks for helping me out and being so patient! I know I am ignorant as of now about a lot of things, but I promise you, I am a fast learner! Just have some patience for now :)

Maybe someday, I will pay it forward :)

P.S.: This post is specially dedicated to Ady who has made life in Dallas super awesomely special for me! Babes, I don't know what I would have done without you!

Grain of salt

2009-10-19T00:49:00.003-05:00

Disclaimer: Post for crystallographers!

I have done my first rotation in a structural biology lab. And I have dabbled around with X-ray crystallography and NMR. I have come to learn that you can't always rely 100% on inferences made from crystal structures because the protein structure is not representative of the structure in solution. Bottom line, take in all the results and discussion from crystallography journal papers with a grain of salt.

I have also learnt that asking a crystallographer to take life with a grain of salt isn't really a good idea...

Because a grain of salt could be the difference between crystallization and precipitation! :-\

P.S.: another reason why cooking is better than lab... adding a few microlitres or milligrams extra of any component is not disastrous in kitchen. I can deal with bigger quantities and approximation instead of teeny tiny portions with accuracy :-<

New experiments

2009-10-18T22:10:00.002-05:00

I have heard people say that those who work in lab usually make good cooks. Especially chemists and biochemists.

I have realised that's kinda true :P Atleast I love my own cooking! And the best part, I find cooking so easy! Its probably because I treat the recipes like protocols. And cooking is just another lab experiment for me where I optimize the conditions for the best results.

The biggest and the most awesome difference between lab work and kitchen work is...

At the end of cooking, I get to eat my experiment :P :P :D :D :D

Photographs

2009-10-17T03:11:00.002-05:00

I will never again roll my eyes when some person in a group interrupts the fun and celebration going on to stop and take a picture. I shall never ever underestimate the value of random photographs that we take when we are jobless and need something to pass time.

I've been living in Dallas for only 2 months now, yet Singapore feels like a life time away. I was having a conversation with Ady earlier and commented in passing about how I never expected any phone calls or wishes on Diwali. I didn't think anybody would remember to wish me.

So I sat down and began to study for an upcoming exam. And before I know it, two of my closest friends from Singapore ping me on gtalk to wish me on diwali! And to end a convo with a genuine, bottom of the heart "Love you loads and miss you loads" just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that my friends in Singapore are also thinking about me the way I think about them!

After talking to these friends of mine, I went to my photo collection on my hard drive and started looking through them. And all the memories, right from first year in NUS, came flooding back. Suddenly, Singapore doesn't seem like a lifetime away. I just cannot believe that its not a part of my present right now. I can't believe that my dudettes aren't just across the hallway anymore. And its diwali. In addition to missing the festivities at home, I miss sharing the home sickness with my gang in Singapore, where we became each other's family to sail through stormy seas. Just the photographs were enough to take me back to a time when Singapore was my second home.

I made some pretty awesome friends as an undergrad. And I am proud of them all. And of course, I miss them like crazy. But life is all about moving on, right? We all have our own lives to worry about. We knew right from the start that undergrad was just a 4 year deal. So why feel sad or depressed thinking about the good times that will remain as mere memories.

Everybody keeps telling me not to expect to find friends as awesome as undergrad friends at any other point of time in life. Everybody says that those days are as good as it gets. Beyond undergrad, friends aren't that close to you anymore. Until you get married, you wont have that best friend in your life. If that's what life is all about after undergrad, then I don't want to live such a life where I don't have friends to care about, to love and to pamper!

All I can say is that I refuse to believe what everybody tells me. I make my own rules for my life. And this is what I say now...

Its high time I brought out a camera to start clicking snaps of this new life of mine! Because, a few years down the line, these will be just as precious as those I have been clicking in Singapore for the past 4 years.

I will make sure that they become just as precious :)

Stinkin' truth?

2009-10-14T16:08:00.002-05:00

What am I supposed to make of this?

I reach the campus, walk towards the elevator and then get in on the first floor. There are three other people already in there. I get in, and at the very next level, all three walk out :-/

Possible reason 1: They were all on their way to the cafeteria

Possible reason 2: I need to consider change of deo brand :-/

Let me just assume it was reason 1 and get on with life :P

Home, at last!

2009-10-11T00:25:00.008-05:00

I thought today was going to be a crappy day. And all I wanted was to be done with it...

I wanted to get up in the morning, chat with my family and clueless online, then just spend a normal saturday, cooking myself something good and enjoying the cloudy weather from home (probably with a plate of hot pakodas!). But I had to go out. I desperately needed to buy some clothes for winter. The consoling factor was that I was going to be in the company of a good friend. But Ady (who is actually "tingu" from one of the earlier posts but protested against her nick) said she wouldn't be able to join us. And shopping without Ady, that wasn't what I wanted. We had been planning this for a long time now and I needed her to help me out

Anyways, I set off to the store to search for winter clothes. There was a good selection of stuff, but I was still lost in my own world, not entirely focused on the task at hand. Then one phone call changed the rest of my day.

Ady called. Her day was beginning to look up. Within half an hour, she was by my side and I had a wide grin on my face! :P From there on, the most ordinary day turned into something very special to me!

So what did I do today? Here's the full extent of it...

- Bought the most amazing leather jacket which looks totally awesome! (my first ever leather jacket!)

- Bought a sweater top in a colour and fit that I never thought I would wear. Looks like Macho Girl really is turning to Girly Girl! Clueless, CS and Soleil, you'd be so totally proud of me if you saw what I got! Even though its something very simple, I fell in love with it instantly!

- Bought 3 identical T-shirts for Halloween for me, Ady and my room mate to wear on Halloween. Bright orange T-shirts with glitter on them... I surprise myself a lot!

- Ate the most awesome lunch at a buffet. Included idli, pongal, vada, butter masala dosa, pulav, mango ice cream and more!

- Had an amazing conversation over lunch with two very good friends (yet to find an appropriate nick for one of them!). Loads of leg pulling. All good fun :)

- Found all kinds of useful things in a Dollar Tree store... Kitchen towels, scrubbers, cleaning liquid, etc etc etc.

- Completed my mega grocery shopping for the month with Ady! Haha, just kidding. This cant last all month, we will need to pick up veggies later. But it was most satisfying to go around the Indian grocery store with Ady and pick out all kinds of amazing food to cook. Now that I have learnt to love cooking (understatement of the century!), grocery shopping became a more meaningful experience. Now we have loads of veggies, fruits, paneer, namkeen, parle G, taj mahal tea etc etc... food life is going to be exciting for us!

- Saw that my second paycheck has been deposited into my account!

- Realised that in spite of doing all kinds of fun stuff here, I am actually saving quite a bit of money!

- Made gobi manchurian with Ady. Rather, she made it and I assisted. Turned out pretty good!

- Had a pot luck dinner with the indian community in advance for Diwali. Our gobi manchurian was the best! :D

- Had a very entertaining time playing Dumb Charades with the aforementioned community

and finally

- walked into my apartment which suddenly felt like home... after a long long time...

Its amazing how much satisfaction a productive day can bring to your life.

But its even more amazing how drastically your life changes when you find good friends to care about (and who care about you in return!)

Dallas is beginning to feel like home... finally! :)

Weather I like it or not

2009-10-09T22:54:00.002-05:00

After 12th standard in school, I went around announcing to friends and relatives that I would be going to Singapore for undergrad studies. Those who knew a thing or two about Singapore gave me a pat on the back and wished me good luck. While all the rest who didn't know much about Singapore's location on the globe assumed that since I am going to "foreign", I am going to need winter clothes!

After I reached Singapore, the only thing that seemed "foreign" to me was the well ordered traffic and the manicured lawns of my campus. Otherwise it just didn't feel like being in a different country. And apparently, I wasn't the only one who felt that way! Loads of us had come to associate being outside India with a nice, chilly weather, perhaps a bit of snow every now and then, but not heat, humidity and thunderstorms! Clueless and I often used to comment on the waste that it was being in "foreign" country which didn't even have seasons!

After undergrad, when I decided I would pursue my Ph.D in Dallas, everybody couldn't help but to comment on how unlucky I was. I also felt the same. For pete's sake, I was going to the US of A!!! And I end up in one of the warmest and driest cities of the country! It snows once a year but the snow is gone before you know it (so I have heard). Poor MG! Going to a foreign country that's warm. How nice.

Coming to the US has been quite a roller coaster ride for me. I have had to get used to many things. Much to the amusement of the people around me, I have developed a habit of diving for my phone to get the units converter. Pounds to kilos, Fahrenheit to Celsius, mph to kmph... you get the point.

Today was kinda chilly. Actually, it was extremely chilly (for somebody who has lived in a tropical, coastal climate for all her life). Everybody here has their ears tuned to the weather channel, so have I. And as usual, I reached for my phone... once again (damn! when am I going to get used to conversions?!).

Predicted temperature for tonight in Dallas - 47 degrees Farenheit.

That's friggin' 8.3 degrees Celsius!!!

Being in "foreign" has finally caught up with me! I need to go shopping for winter clothes. For the first time in my life!

Icing on the cake? I miss warm weather already! :P

Cooking for friendship!

2009-10-07T01:38:00.003-05:00

Necessity is the mother of invention... Necessity can also pretty much force you to get off your butt and do stuff you never thought you were capable of! When I was at home for a long summer vacation, I perplexed my mom by not even bothering to enter the kitchen to learn some basic cooking. And when I say "basic", I mean BASIC!!! Before I knew it, summer was over and it was time for me to move to Dallas.

Some people thought even being in USA would not motivate me to cook. After all, food in the US is supposed to be dead cheap. Well, turns out that I definitely cannot afford to eat out everyday. So that means going back to packing lunch, just like school days. Everyone thought that now I was stuck... now I had no choice but to learn to cook for lunch. Well, if you consider sandwich "cooking", then I am an expert! :P So yeah, even then, I didn't cook.

For the past couple of months (its been almost 2 months already!!), I managed my food by making sandwiches, instant noodles or eating at some very dear friends' home.

Then came along somebody new here. (I shall call her "Tingu" for now, for the purpose of this blog). The both of us became pretty good friends in a short span of time. We pretty much hang out together all the time. And oh, she is an amazing cook too!

Today, however, she fell sick in the evening. I was (and still am) very worried for her. She needed to have dinner but didn't have the strength to get/make her own.

So I walked into the kitchen... for the first time, to make a proper-proper dinner. I cooked rasam today. And rice. Its been two months since I moved here. And I inaugurated my pressure cooker only today. I made rasam rice because thats what mom made for me whenever I was sick. And the rasam was kick ass! Well, atleast I liked it very much! (Tingu was nice enough to say that it was good, even though I knew it was kinda bland)

Why is it so much easier for people to do something for others rather than to do for themselves? Till now, I was ok with eating whatever food was lying around the house, even ceral for dinner, sometimes I would even skip dinner or lunch. But when my friend here fell sick and needed decent food, I ended up teaching myself how to cook.

Why are we so much more motivated to take care of our family and friends than we are to take care of ourselves? Not just for food and health, but otherwise also...

P.S.: This is not a rant. Its just the opposite. There was one thing missing in Dallas, and that was having somebody I cared about, somebody who cared in return. Now that I have found two friends here like that, I feel alive... after a long, long time :) Life is good :) *touchwood*!

P.P.S.: Still missing my singapore friends though! *ducks to avoid the shoe thrown by clueless from singapore* :P

The Lost Musician

2009-10-06T01:36:00.003-05:00

Its hard for me to believe I used to play the violin. Yeah, its gotten to the point where I have to say I "used" to play the violin. I haven't touched that sacred instrument in more than a year. And I feel ashamed. I felt the exact opposite 3 years ago after performing in my first ever concert (I am listening to the audio of that piece right now! Seriously, I cannot believe I actually played that quite fluently!). I used to be incredibly satisfied with the direction my music was going.

Today I miss all that. I should have learnt violin for longer. I should have performed more (performance practise sessions are so rigourous, they'll make anybody an expert in the instrument!). Basically, I just shouldn't have stopped learning.

Each step in my academic life seems to take me one step away from a chance to dive back into classical music. Singapore doesn't seem half as bad an option right now to pick up the violin again. My latest excuse - USA is not the place to learn classical carnatic music on a violin!

If I miss playing the violin so much, what's preventing me from just going against all odds and picking up from where I left off? Fear. Its as simple as that. I am scared of failing, of finding myself worse than when I left off, of having to start over again from the beginning (Sarali varisai!!), of having forgotten to tune the violin, of so many things. Right now its just so much simpler for me to sit on my rear and say "oh yeah, I used to be a violinist in an orchestra, but I cannot play anything for you now because I didn't bring my instrument... luggage problem, you see".

I wonder if I will gather the courage to take the next step. To get myself an instrument, find myself a mentor, and start playing an instrument I am so fond of, and that I miss so dearly....

P.S.: I also miss my orchestra and organising concerts every semester! If anybody from my orchestra is reading this, you people rock! The classical way! \m/

P.P.S: Its like the blogging gene in me has been knocked down since I moved to the USA. In spite of having so many things happening around me, why am I not writing more often?!

To Clueless, on her birthday :)

2009-09-22T10:54:00.006-05:00

My dearest clueless,

Some people call almost everyone they know a friend. But to me, friendship means so much more. Its a much closer relationship, one in which you take the time to really understand each other. A friend is someone you trust enough to share a part of yourself the rest of the world may never see.

That kind of friendship doesn't come along everyday... But that's the way it should be. When it comes to friends, it's quality, not quantity, that counts...

And with you, my dearest friend, I know I have the very best...

I can't help thinking that last year this time, I was with you and we celebrated your birthday together, like we have for the past four years. And I miss you loads and loads and wish I could be there this year too! More than anything, I wish I could make this day special for you, somehow or the other... But as you know, the way it always happens... when you try to surprise somebody on their birthday, everything that can possibly go wrong does go wrong! I fell prey to that this year.

I know this is not much, but its the only thing I can give you considering we are so far apart...

I want you to know that you are always on my mind and in my heart. You will always be my best friend because you are the one who taught me that friendship is forever, no matter what. Otherwise I just never believed that friendship could ever survive the distance. But now I know, it will weather the storm, because even though you are so far away, you feel closer than even to me. Does that make sense? :)

Happy birthday! I am sure you will have a wonderful year ahead... a brand new year with brand new adventures

And we'll share those adventures every step of the way... Just like how we did before :)

Miss you so much girl!

Love,
MG

Desi in videsh

2009-09-05T16:01:00.002-05:00

The minute somebody says "desi", what's the first thing that comes to mind? It used to be Indians for me. And I thought it was the same for everybody. Until I met somebody from Pakistan, who had moved here to the US and lived here for quite a few years. She said, "Its so nice to meet desi people!".

Recently, an association was formed for "desi" people. It includes Nepalis and Pakistanis (yet to spot any Sri Lankans)...

And it hit me...

Differences in nationality, religion etc seem so petty when a group stand united to try and help each other settle into a new country. Suddenly, everything going on in the LOC seems like such a waste of precious resources. You learn to look beyond the military battles, beyond the politics, beyond the violence, and get to look into the eyes of a person, who wants peace as badly as you do, and is tired of being told to hate you, just like how you don't want to hate them...

At the end of the day, I just don't have words to describe the bond that keeps us desis here together...

But I sure am glad that love triumphs over hate

The best place to be!

2009-09-04T00:06:00.002-05:00

I have never seen professors so excited and enthusiastic about their work in NUS. Here, they are so passionate about what they do that they almost literally bounce around in their chair while explaining to you what they really do. Its pretty cool to be a grad student. Especially a grad student looking for rotation labs. I get to do three rotations and for that, instead of the prof interviewing me, I get to interview the prof and give them my verdict!!! Ain't that awesome?! :D Of course, it happens only once. After I pick a lab, it will be the other way around! But its really cool that these profs are ok with this and have no issues with being the one interviewed and tested by the students. It takes a lot of pressure off us grad students and makes the whole process of settling in more comfortable.

To be honest, the only reason I came here was because it was the only university that accepted me. At that time, I complained and cribbed about it. Today I realise that this has happened to me for a reason... a good reason. This is the place for me to be. You may not have heard about this university, but they do cutting edge research and have so many nobel laureates wandering about the corridors! Plus, loads of their alumni are nobel laureates and also holders of prestigious positions all over the world of academia! Its the biggest honor (notice the spelling!) for me to be in the same university where important discoveries that changed the face of biosciences were made!

Bottomline, I am happy as hell to be here. Even though it started as a no-option thing, I am thrilled that I ended up here instead of some ivy league college. The education that I get here is going to be so much more meaningful. And even though I was skeptical a few months back, after meeting up with several faculty, now I am very very very sure that the passion I had lost for science and research will find its way back into my heart. Because the love that the faculty here have for science is enough to inspire the student to be just as passionate about the field, if not more! This has gotta be the best research environment in the whole wide world!

Thanks to all the ivy leagues for rejecting my application! Seriously, I mean it. I am in a better place now because of that!

This is what I am meant to be doing, this is where I am supposed to be...

And I couldn't be happier (or luckier!!!) :) :) :)

You know you've worked too long in lab!

2009-08-27T18:39:00.003-05:00

There is a group on facebook called "you know you've worked too long in lab when" and its absolutely hilarious for those of us who actually have spent insane hours in lab! I thought I would post a few features here for the enjoyment of my old buddies from undergrad who would know EXACTLY what this is all about :P The rest of you who read this, just enjoy whatever you can understand or relate to! ;)

You wonder what absolute alcohol tastes like with orange juice

You can't watch CSI without cursing at least one scientific inaccuracy

You use acronyms for everything and never stop to elaborate (That happens even to Singaporeans)

Liquid nitrogen is only about a 1/3 as dangerous as you thought (Yeah, to some people its not even 1/16 as dangerous as they thought!)

You've wondered why you can't drink distilled water in the lab - It should be clean? (Hehe, the million dollar question!)

You give the lab equipment motivational pep talks "Work for me today or i'll reprogram you with a fire axe" (been there, done that)

You've worked out that a trained chimp could probably do 90% of your job (*sigh*)

You have to check the web to find out what the weather is outside (OMG!!! This is so so so so true!)

People wearing shorts under a lab coat disturb you slightly as they look as though they might be naked underneath (Clueless and soleil should be able to relate to this! ;) )

Safety equipment is optional unless it makes you look cool (like cool red shades from the dark room!)

You can no longer spell normal words but have no trouble with spelling things like immunohistochemistry or deoxyribonucleic acid

Burning eyes, nose and throat indicate that you haven't actually turned on the fumehood/downdraft bench

Your slightly too fond of the smell of (pick one or many) Xylene/Agar/Ethanol/Undergraduates/Alcoholic handwash

you have made some kind of puppet out of a nitrile glove and kept it as a pet (I had one with a smiley face! it had cool hairstyle!)

You have an irresistible urge to rip your shirt off superman stylie cos it has press stud fasteners just like your lab coat.....Most often occurring as you walk through a door just like exiting the lab (This reminds me of Soleil! The only one with a press stud fastener lab coat!)

You still get amusement out of "freezing" things in liquid nitrogen! (Clueless and I once froze a glove for the heck of it :P)

When you rejoice when grabbing a handfull of eppendorfs/bijous/anything and it turns outs to be the exact number you needed (Absolutely love the feeling!!!)

Your nose invariably itches when you're doing mucky stuff with your hands so you develop the habit of scratching it on your upper arm. Unfortunately you sometimes carry this habit over to real life, where it looks like you're sniffing your armpits (Trying to find a clean bit of lab coat can be fun as well!!! Disgusting, i know!)

When you start making patterns in your pipette tip box as you take the tips out (This is SOOOO me!!!!! :D :D )

You've seen how far away you can hit a target with a squirty water bottle or seeing how far away from the bin i can fire pipette tips (I made a pipette tip tower once! It reached the ceiling!)

When you've got that callus on the side of your thumb from opening PCR tubes (Soleil, we can feel your pain! It was normal eppendorfs for us!)

You open the toothpaste with one hand.

When you hear tween, you think of the surfactant not the age group

For you, media is something which increases your culture

You use the word "aliquot" in regular sentences (do you still use it, clueless?!)

Sometimes you momentarily vanish from social activities because of a time point. (can be annoying!)

You're very good at diluting things (exceptionally talented)

You consider a green laser pointer to be science bling (Isn't it??? :P)

You've used Kimwipes as Kleenex (only from unopened boxes!)

A timer clipped to the hip is not only practical, but dead sexy (definitely is!)

You think the following is a quality insult: "I've seen cells more competent than you!" (The best I have heard!)

I miss you Singapura!

2009-08-26T15:34:00.001-05:00

To those living in Singapore, be thankful for every convenience that the country provides and stop cribbing about the over-protective, seemingly over-paranoid nature of the government! This shall be the opening statement for this post :P

Yes, I have officially moved to the USA. More on that in the next post. I definitely think the whole process of settling into a new life deserves a separate post on its own. But I felt like I really must write a post on Singapore before I moved on to the newer happenings in life.

Before I went to Singapore for my education, to me, it was nothing but this tourist destination that people go to because the flights from India were relatively cheap and you could go to “foreign” using affordable tourist packages. Singapore used to be the land of cheap key chain souvenirs, not to mention the merlion t-shirts and magnets! Even without visiting Singapore, my family had a huge collection of Singapore related stuff. That’s what Singapore was to me, a tourist destination for a long weekend. Not a place to live in!

I was uber shocked to find myself living there a few years later. I never expected to be living and studying in a tourist country! As a teenager, it was one of the hardest things to do, moving to a new country and leaving parents. But only today, four years later, in a country across the pacific ocean, do I realize how easy it was to settle down in Singapore and how much easier it was there to overcome home sickness!

I miss being in a country where its absolutely safe to walk down the streets after dark, even at 3am! I definitely and most certainly miss the convenience of public transport there! Singapore public transport rocks! And anybody who disagrees needs to be banished to where I am now! The grocery store is a mile away and the bus frequency, even during peak hours, is half an hour. That’s if you are lucky! NUS was also a very convenient place to study. You can never get lost there. All the buildings are marked clearly and the directions given are simply superb!

Basically, after spending a week here in the USA, with crappy public transport and having to depend on people who own cars to take me around even to get basic necessities, I have found a new love for the country where I did my undergraduate studies. Not only Singapore, I also have a renewed love for my own home country, India. As much as we crib about corruption, crowds and what not, public transport (at least in my city!) rocks. India is not that bad, people! Places are at least accessible there! Even if the nearest grocery store is a mile away, you can get there without much problem!

Bottom line, Singaporeans, be happy and be proud of the conveniences your nation has painstakingly provided to you! Be happy you can visit any mall or any store for shopping at practically any time of the day without needing to buy a car! Be glad to see so many taxi cabs on the street (I barely spotted a few here… scary!). And Indians, love your nation, you might not have the highest standard of living, but you have a pretty good standard of convenience!

I love you India! I love you Singapore!

Hope to be back some day soon :) Till then… keep rocking! :)

Fashionably geeky

2009-08-10T06:18:00.002-05:00

Its been the oddest month for me. I have had to do so much of shopping in preparation for starting a new life in a new country. I am a firm believer of the whole "travel light" thingy. But this time, it seems like there is no way I can stick to that! Well, I could have... but suddenly I decided to have a complete wardrobe makeover.

So shopping has been a new experience for me. My definition of "tops" are no longer limited to round neck and polo neck t-shirts. In fact, this time I bought only one or two of those. I suddenly find myself drawn towards the girly stuff in the stores... much to my surprise! My earring collection has gone from 0 to 10 in just one week (I went on a earring shopping spree this weekend! Bought at least five there!). I rediscovered earrings that were gifted to me by clueless in my second year and also some that I had bought for myself in malaysia. I have more than one pair of shoes now and one of them has a significant amount of heel. Even my reeboks are girly with a purple streak here and there. In short, "machogirl" might not quite describe me completely anymore.

In this complete makeover, I have also taken notice of stuff on TV. Somehow, whenever the advertisement for lip gloss, hair oil, conditioners, face creams etc etc are aired, I noticed that these career women are never ever scientists. They may be successful TV anchors, or fashion designers, or business women (who by the way, dont seem to do anything other than wear pretty formals and shake their boss' hand) but they never show a glamourous woman in a labcoat or something with her face so radiant and her hair so silky running around in lab. Somehow, all the girls who are either aspiring to be scientist or who already are scientists come in health drink ads!

Why is that? Can't I be fashionable and still be a scientist? Does that make me an anomaly?

Just a random, shallow thought from a geeky nerd who is learning the ways of dressing well :P (and totally loving it!)

Some like it hot...

2009-08-05T07:35:00.003-05:00

I need to seriously pause and re-examine a lot of things that I believed in.

I never ever thought, even for a minute, that my belief in global warming would be shaken... from its very roots!

Ever since I watched "An Inconvenient Truth", I began to believe, with every particle of my being, in the concept of global warming. I kept telling myself... "I can see it for real happening around me! The weather has changed so drastically over the years! Must be because of global warming!"

Except there was one slight problem... places I have lived in have been getting cooler and cooler :-/ Thats kinda like the opposite of global warming! (and not something I am really complaining about)

But then again, people say "global warming" is not the right terminology. Overall, there will be warming, but there will also be cooling in some places. Hmm... well... okaaay... I guess I can accept that...

Then just a few weeks back, I read Michael Crichton's "State of Fear". That turned my whole world upside down! He says global warming is just a myth! And what's more... for the first time, in a novel, I saw citations of papers from journals like Science and Nature (for the non-science folk, those are two of the most reputed journals... kinda like gold standard for scientists). Al Gore didn't give any citations in "An Incovenient Truth". He just kept saying thats "scientists" say.... but no hard proof. After looking at the citations in the novel, I was wondering... is global warming really a myth?

I did what I do best when I'm confused. I checked the citations. They were all valid papers. Not science fiction. Then I checked what people in general had to say about the book. After all, a book by a famous author claims that global warming is a myth. He must have stirred up some controversy. I read through those reviews. The authors of some of the cited papers claim that Michael Crichton has "misinterpreted" their results or deliberately drawn wrong conclusions to support his claim. Some industry gave him an award and the environment support groups screamed foul play. Now I am in a fix. What the heck do I believe???

My city is getting cooler. And from what I heard, so are many other cities in this country. But ice is melting from the poles of this planet. Carbon dioxide levels are increasing in the atmosphere, but we have such insufficient knowledge about weather patterns on this place, how do we know that all this is interconnected? Too much conflict in the evidence. I am still confused about what to believe.

I guess at the end of the day, I realise that I am not naive enough to think that human beings can never have a visible impact on the planet and its atmosphere. I know we are more than capable of altering the climate of this planet. Whether we are doing it right now or not, is another matter all together. I know for a fact that we are running out of fossil fuels. And we don't have an alternate energy source that can be used to completely replace fossil fuels in our lives. So I am aware that a little bit of conservation can go a long way.

I must admit though, Al Gore's documentary was pretty scary. It scared me enough to push me to say no to plastics as much as possible, to save water, to recycle etc etc. Lets assume for a minute that global warming is a myth... just a hypothesis... if ultimately the belief in global warming manages to motivate people like me to actively conserve energy, is it really so bad for us to believe in something that may or may not exist?

P.S.: I must also admit that the last line in the author's note made me raise an eyebrow... Crichton says... "Everybody has an agenda. Except me." What am I supposed to make of that? :-/

Short cut to success

2009-08-03T23:59:00.002-05:00

Looking back at these eight semesters as an undergrad, I realise one thing... academically, I kept improving every semester. My grades got better and better and exams got easier and easier for me. I remember the kind of struggle I went through in my first semester and the horrible grades that followed. The reason? Quite simple. It took time for me to adjust from being a school student in India to a university undergrad in Singapore. In other words, I simply didn't know how to study.

As the semesters went by, I learnt. Learnt quite quickly actually. Soon I found my balance between the textbook and the lecture notes. I knew what were the things I needed to memorize and what I needed to understand. And even though initially I cribbed a lot about the memorizing bits, I later realised that its a big blessing in life sciences to take the effort to commit certain things to memory, like amino acid structures for example.

Over the years, I have had several juniors ask me what its like to be an undergrad in NUS. How do you study? What do you learn? How do you manage? And I've always tried to give them detailed answers. I learnt from my mistakes, I thought it would be nice if my juniors didnt make the same mistakes as my batch did. So I always tried to help them out, telling them what they should focus on, what they can omit and so on and so forth. Basically, its what they call "short cut to success". It would take so long for me to explain these short cuts... they didn't seem very "short" :P

I've graduated now. But am still approached by freshers. I've been in touch with one, for a while now. And as usual, I got asked the question... whats the short cut to being a successful undergrad. I embarked on my usual lecture, giving tips and all. It took me more than an hour to explain everything on gtalk. After everything, the fresher says, "Wow! That's a lot! I didn't expect to have to learn so much!" To which, I found myself replying, "Well, The secret of being a successful in your undergrad courses is to not be lazy! Work hard and you'll be fine!"

:O :O :O

I can't believe I actually advised somebody to work hard! I actually said that the secret of success is hard work!! :O

That's what grown ups say to kids!!! Its not a "short cut"!!! But then again, there is no other way to get awesome grades in life sciences!

That piece of advice is the last thing any fresher wants to hear!!
I'm becoming a grown up now :O :( :-/

We'll still be friends forever! (Part 5)

2009-07-30T04:21:00.006-05:00

Dear Clueless,

I don't know what to write in this post. Honest. I've been putting off your post for so long because I know that whatever I write, it will never be enough to describe what you mean to me, or how much you have changed my life in the past four years. Whatever I write, I will never be satisfied, no matter how long the post is, or how carefully I choose my words. Finally, I decided that its time for me to stop putting off the inevitable. Yes, after I finish typing this out, I will still feel like something is missing, that something more needs to be said. But its better than not saying anything at all, don't you think so? :)

I can't believe four years are over. Just like that! Poof! (yeah, I know you are right now thinking of "poof poof!" Shantipriya! :P). But seriously girl... these four years have been so awesome, so amazing. All the fun we've had, all the tears we've cried, all the struggles, everything put together... even the fights!

We're such fundamentally different people. Polar opoosite, I would say. And nobody would believe me, because everybody thinks we are siamese twins! Often I have wondered, how did we manage it for four years, being so different... our dreams, philosophies, hopes, fears, likes and dislikes. Its no wonder we've had some pretty horrible fights all these years... over serious stuff.. and trivial.

Despite the difficulties, at the end of four years, when I ask myself, who understands me the best, the answer is pretty simple. Its you! Despite the differences, we've both grown up together, learning from our past mistakes, learning to accept each other, quirks included. You are the only one who can complete my thoughts, who can predict my every move.. because you know me, you've watched me grow from a teenager, so full of doubts and fears, into a young adult, willing to embrace change. Wait, that's not right... you haven't just "watched" me... you've guided me, taught me what it is to be brave and to pursue my dreams, no matter what the challenges.

You are a paradox in my life. I didn't want to leave Singapore because I didn't want to leave you. Oddly enough, I am leaving Singapore now BECAUSE of you. I thought it would be too hard for me to go through this big change in my life. It was hard enough for me to leave mom and dad four years ago, I didn't want to have to go through the same pain again. But you are the one who reminded me that even though it was the hardest thing I had ever done, it lead me to a better life. And I agree with you. Had I chickened out and stayed back, I might have never found somebody as awesome as you. Now I'm leaving Singapore... going to chase a dream that I have dreamt all my life! I'm going away from you and it is not easy... But funnily enough, I am getting the strength and the encouragement to do this from you. Had I not left home 4 years ago, I would have missed something big... now god only knows whats waiting for me in my new life... I'm scared, but thanks to you, I won't even think about chickening out this time :)

I am going to miss you. We've spent so much time together, it is going to be weird for a while at least to get used to all the changes. I'm going to miss exploring new places with you, especially all the eating joints in town! I'm going to miss you in every cooking mishap that's bound to happen when I start cooking! It would have been amazing to go with you and share a new life.

But I'm going to embark on this new life with one comforting thought. I have a friend for life, a friend who will never turn her back on me when I need her, a friend who will always love me. Know this girl, as long as I am around, you will always be loved.

I wish you were coming with me. I wish we could embark on this journey together. Unfortunately, our paths are different.

But its alright, I know that life must go on. We all have different dreams and we do what we must to pursue them. After all life is a journey.

And its friends like you whom I meet along the way who make the journey so much easier and happier!

I love you very much and hope that you'll find everything in life that you are looking for :) If you ever need anything, just remember that there is one friend here who will always be there for you, and will never be too busy for you.

How could I be too busy for my sweet-hating, bhujia-loving lab partner?!!! :D :D :D

Love,
MG
(Change is the only thing constant in life. I know that now. And I'm loving it!)

P.S.: As you might have guessed, my dear clueless, I'm not happy with how this post turned out. So let me end it with a song for you... by Faith Hill. I'll borrow her song for now. But just know that I mean every word in it :)

When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back on these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all
The strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

'Cause I always saw in you my light, my strength
And I want to thank you now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be

We'll still be friends forever! (Part 4)

2009-07-27T04:36:00.002-05:00

Dear Confused Soul,

While that seems to be quite an appropriate nick name for you (:P), I was toying with the idea of calling you something else for this post! Something more personally related... like H2O, your first nick on my blog, or PJQ (i came up with that! It stands for "PJ Queen") or just simply.... THE JOKER! (why so serious? :P)

Though initially I came to know you are "the cousin", you soon became a bigger entity in my life in Singapore, and as I started spending more time with you, generally hanging out, or being part of two different excos, I realised what a wonderful person you are and how lucky I am to have you as a friend :) I don't believe I have ever met somebody as bubbly and upbeat as you, somebody who can get along with everybody so easily, somebody who is so comfortable just being herself, but most importantly, somebody with whom you are comfortable being yourself. And of course, as I have told you before, I think your personal touch to everything in life is the most endearing thing about you! Its pretty rare to meet somebody as thoughtful as you... who loves her friends so much!

I'm going to miss hanging out with you. It goes without saying that I am really really definitely going to miss PJ sessions with you! When I was in first year and you used to tell me all the jokes you had invented, I used to think you had great talent to pull out jokes from thin air! Now, I am pleased to inform you that I have also learnt to pull a PJ out of thin air! And frankly, its all because of your training, guruji! :D :D :D I learnt to laugh my heart out with you, and I am going to miss that a lot. Everytime I am with you, so much of time is spent laughing at the silliest and funniest of things, nobody has ever had that effect on me! I am going to miss all your PJs. You had better keep your fan updated on all the new stuff you hear or invent!

I'm going to miss being a part of an orchestra with you... planning stuff out... but most importantly, having cribbing sessions! I'm so so happy that you got a room on the same floor as me... I had the most wonderful year having you so close... I'm going to miss trips to your room and also your trips to mine! I've definitely learnt a thing or two from you on how to make a hostel room seem like home. One of my fondest memories, funnily enough, was sitting in the corridor with you and the others and cribbing about exams. And of course, shopping for tutor gifts! I'm going to miss hanging out with you and the gang... you are usually the life and soul of the party!

You definitely get a huge chunk of credit for turning me into a girlie girl! I think the top that you picked for me is fabulous and I am not the only one who thinks so! When I wore it, everybody around me went on about how lovely it was! And now thanks to you, I have better taste when it comes to picking tops! :D :D Needless to say, I am so pleased with this change in me! Of course, the only time I ever wore make up in NUS, it was done by you! I still have much to learn, don't I? :P

Of course, lets not forget the fact that you are my girlfriend (the other one!!! Its our little secret!):P :D And I'm going to miss you loads!

But its alright, I know that life must go on. We all have different dreams and we do what we must to pursue them. After all life is a journey.

And its friends like you whom I meet along the way who make the journey so much easier and happier!

I love you very much and hope that you'll find everything in life that you are looking for :) If you ever need anything, just remember that there is one friend here who will always be there for you, and will never be too busy for you.

How could I be too busy for my green elephant-shooting friend who always manages to bring a smile on my face?!!! :D :D :D

Love,
MG
(Ji... H,I,J.... k? :P :P :P)

We'll still be friends forever! (Part 3)

2009-07-17T22:54:00.004-05:00

Dear Soleil,

When I came to Singapore for studies, I knew I'd find a few chinese friends. But I never for a minute imagined that one of them would become one of my closest friends ever! I can't imagine an undergrad life without you in it and I am so so happy that the three of us (you know who all!) have names starting with the same alphabet! Where would we be, had we not spent countless hours in lab together in first year!

Chicken fried rice in an air-con food court marked the beginning of a beautiful friendship for me and the rest of us :) I'm going to really miss you. I wish we had come to your place for chinese new year more than just once. Ah well, I should count my blessings and be grateful that we made it atleast once :) I have so many memories with you that are all so dear... like sitting with a huge tub of chocolate ice cream while watching movies, eating cheesecake made by a sweet cluster mate, lab bashing sessions, airport drop offs and so many more! Remember in first semester, just before i left for vacation, you and I used to go to the air con food court and order two different types of chicken in the asian stall so we could get to eat as many varieties possible in the shortest span of time? We kinda had a repeat telecast of that on the day I left in science canteen :) Thanks for the potatoes!

I'm going to miss hanging out with you. I'm going to miss reading week blues that we used to share. I'm going to miss studying hard with you. I'm going to miss dozing off in lectures with you gals, poking each other to stay awake! Of course, you have a supernatural ability to find all of our rooms inviting, no matter how messy they are, and promptly plonk down on the bed! I'm going to miss that too!!! ;)

I'm never going to be able to look at a laddu in the same way ever again! I'm going to miss you ironing visits. I'm going to miss your snacking visits! Definitely, most certainly going to miss your ring tone and message tone! I wish we had more time to do some more "Scrubs" marathons. I'll definitely miss movie and tv show watching with you. Especially our traditional post-semester, pre-reading week movies! :P

I could go on and on and on... because there are just so many things that I will miss about you. My life in Singapore would have been woefully incomplete without you. Its because of you that Clueless and I dared to venture out and try new kinds of food! You taught me some of the finer points of making the most out of my Singapore experience. And of course, you are one of the major driving forces in making me a girly girl! Thanks for the skirt! I love it! And thanks for letting me borrow girly shoes all these years! Thanks to you, I now am considered something of an expert in picking shoes in my family! People here think I have improved my tastes! We know why that is! :D :D :D

Knowing how much you love to travel and explore, I wish I could take you with me to where I am going... We'd have so much fun together!

But its alright, I know that life must go on. We all have different dreams and we do what we must to pursue them. After all life is a journey.

And its friends like you whom I meet along the way who make the journey so much easier and happier!

I love you very much and hope that you'll find everything in life that you are looking for :) If you ever need anything, just remember that there is one friend here who will always be there for you, and will never be too busy for you.

How can I ever be too busy for my dear laddu gobbling, almost-indian oreo cream?!!! :D :D :D

Love,
MG
(I still think chicken is a vegetable!! :P)

We'll still be friends forever! (Part 2)

2009-07-11T22:57:00.003-05:00

Dear Chocolate Mousse,

Its weird how we all just happened to chance upon each other and yet grow over four years to become such a sturdy gang!

I'm going to miss you loads. Even though we didn't get to spend much time together for the four years we were in university, whatever we did get was priceless. Russell Peters will never be the same and neither will cotton that grows out of trees! I will miss our dinners at PGP. Thanks to you, I fully explored the various chicken varieties in the Asian stall! We all know how busy you were with 12MC modules and projects! In spite of that, it was amazing that you managed to make time for us. I will miss the sight of you carrying along your architecture books along so that you could stay on top of things in academics while spending time with us. Our trip in Malaysia was the most fun I have had and that would have never been the case had it not been for you (and a certain somebody who insisted on bullying you!). I could not possibly think of a better way to go around KL than going around with you and the other girls. I am going to the source of Chili's!!! You had better come to where I am going so I can take you for lunch/dinner there!

I am going to miss your brand of friendship... always thoughtful, always personal. The sketching kit you gave me was really good and I had loads of fun with it! Branded bathrobe sounded just as amazing as a denim skirt, don't worry! I'd have been happy either way. When I do buy a bathrobe, I will definitely think of your idea. So either way its a win-win situation for you! I will definitely think of you everytime! Thanks for that amazing skirt... I promise I will wear it regularly!

All in all, I am going miss being with you!

But its alright, I know that life must go on. We all have different dreams and we do what we must to pursue them. After all life is a journey.

And its friends like you whom I meet along the way who make the journey so much easier and happier!

I love you very much and hope that you'll find everything in life that you are looking for :) If you ever need anything, just remember that there is one friend here who will always be there for you, and will never be too busy for you.

How can I ever be too busy for my dear chocolate mousse architect friend?!!! :D :D :D

Love,
MG
(We still have an oil painting to make!)

We'll still be friends forever! (Part 1)

2009-07-11T22:37:00.004-05:00

Dear Cookie Monster,

Its been a really amazing four years and I can't believe they have passed by us already! Or should I say, Gone oredi!!!! :) I can't think of a better person to spend my time with in lecture theatres, cribbing about modules and lecturers, and standing proud as MCB students (while teasing the BMS ones!). When I was in school, I had a friend who inspired me in 12th std to do better than what I had done in my previous years, enough to make me a school topper. In NUS, I had you to inspire me throughout.

I can't believe that we have already said our good byes. And I can't believe that when we did, we couldn't even figure out when we might meet again. You'll see the rest of the gang in January, but I have no idea when we'll get to meet!

I just need to tell you, that I am going to miss you very much. You are one of my best friends here. I am going to miss going to lectures with you. I am going to miss bringing coffee to structural bio lectures for us. I am going to miss BMS bashing session (Sorry BMS girls!). I am going to miss the chennai vs. bangalore debates. I am really really going to miss your brand of sarcasm. I will definitely miss your bubble bursting capabilities. I'll miss being a part of the cfa exco with you. Thanks to you, I got enough points in third year to stay back on campus! Going on vacation was awesome fun with you! I wish we could have had more. I am going to miss teasing you with every guy who flirts with you! I'm going to miss your unique sense of humour (meant only for the brainy ones :P :P :P). I will miss Grey's Anatomy! Everytime I watch that show, you are the one who will enter my mind. I am going to miss working in a group with you for projects and presentations. Out of all my presentations in NUS, the ones I did with you were the most fun! :) I am going to miss your dessert obsession! I'm going to miss lunches with you at science canteen where all of us urge you to eat first then talk later! I sure as heck am going to miss sitting there with you, clueless and soleil and having 3 hour lunch breaks that extend into snack time!

All in all, I am going miss being with you!

But its alright, I know that life must go on. We all have different dreams and we do what we must to pursue them. After all life is a journey.

And its friends like you whom I meet along the way who make the journey so much easier and happier!

I love you very much and hope that you'll find everything in life that you are looking for :) If you ever need anything, just remember that there is one friend here who will always be there for you, and will never be too busy for you.

How could I be too busy for my fudgy wudgy chewy gooey loving cookie monster friend?!!! :D :D :D

Love,
MG
(self proclaimed vice president of the bubble bursting club!)

My Unsolved Physics Problem

2009-06-29T22:30:00.001-05:00

Being a 12th standard student is not easy. There is pressure from all sides. I am lucky because I don't have much pressure from my parents. In fact, just before 12th started, I had gone for a vacation with dad to Germany. There he told me not to worry and that if I performed the same way I have been performing all these years, I would have no problem getting admission in a good college. It was nice to see somebody have faith in me and gave me the strength to go to school. At school however, I am facing a lot of pressure from teachers. Somehow I managed to do well in my 11th exams and now they have a crazy notion in their head that I could be a potential state rank holder!

But its easy for me to ignore them and just listen to what my parents tell me. Getting full marks isn't the goal, the goal is to learn. As long as I score between 90-95% I will be fine and that is not something out of my reach. I have no problems with French as my second language, I have an amazing teacher and I also seem to have fallen in love with learning new languages. English is also ok because one of the teachers in the English department, my old 11th standard teacher, has taken a special interest in me and is coaching me on how to write the perfect state board english paper. Maths is also fine because I have learnt that in the case of maths, practise makes perfect. Biology is dead simple, it has a lot of basic stuff, I just need to have a good memory to memorize everything and I think that is not out of the realm of possibility. Chemistry should be a cakewalk, considering both my parents are chemists. Dad recently bought a white board and hung it in my room. Every weekend, he spends a few hours teaching me organic chemistry and quite frankly, I think its a lot of fun and quite simple once you understand it.

That leaves me with Physics. And I am scared that physics will end up ruining my overall grades. 12th std physics is tougher than I expected. And I don't seem to be the only one nervous about it. All my friends are worried too. We spend long hours fretting over the subject, it is a regular feature in our conversations during lunch break and a lot of physics-bashing has been going on. We are all scared. And I seem to be affected the worst, because I have reached levels of panic. Atleast my friends are going for tuitions and all. I don't even have that. I am relying solely on my school teacher. She is a good teacher but the problem is that I have always been weak in physics for some strange reason. It seems to take longer for me to understand concepts. What I need is not tuition, but just a special one hour session at the end of each day to be taught the basic concepts that will help me pull through.

Today, a girl came bursting into our class during the maths period, with an announcement from the principal's office. Looks like our worries have been noticed by the higher authorities! The school is taking steps to ensure that students who aren't able to keep up get special coaching at the end of the day for an hour at school in the subject they are weakest in. I signed up for physics without even giving it a second thought. What's there to think? I need help. I am pretty relieved but I wonder who will be coaching us extra time... our own school teacher or a guest lecturer? I was to find out that very evening because classes were starting with immediate effect.

I went to the classroom assigned for the hopeless in physics. I took my seat, not in the front row because I didn't want my stupidity in the subject to be noticed, not in the back row, because I wanted to listen to the teacher properly and not doze off. We all waited for our mystery teacher.

When she walked in, I almost screamed. She wasn't a stranger. She was our very own school teacher from the physics department. And she has taught me physics for two and half years! I was surprised to see her now coming as our saviour in 12th std physics! And for good reason...

I thought she had died one year back.... because of cancer...

Yet there she was, standing in front of me, just like how I remember from the first day I met her. Her hair was long, tied in a bun. But the last time I saw her, she had something like a boy cut, due to hairloss from chemotherapy. I couldn't understand what was going on. I had attended her funeral! I had walked up to her body and kept flowers by her feet. I had watched as all my school teachers tearfully paid their last respects to the greatest physics teacher my school had ever seen. I had watched as they carried her body into a van that would take her to the burial ground. Yet there she was, standing in front of me, like nothing had happened.

And she was just like how she was before she went on that long medical leave. She remembers my name. I used to be one of her favourite students. Apparently I still am. I was dazed. I was shocked. But I didn't have the courage to say anything. Not right then in front of everybody else.

So I did what I do best. I waited till class was over, then I approached her after everybody had left. She looked up at me (she's pretty short and I am quite tall, you see) and asked me if I had any doubts. I did. A very bizarre doubt. I told her, I thought you died of cancer one year ago. I was at your funeral! She looked amused and very surprised! She said she was perfectly alright and as I could see for myself, very much alive. It must have been some kind of dream, she told me.

More like a nightmare!

We talked for a while. And I asked her everything that had been nagging me. Turns out, it was all just a bad dream that I had. She doesn't actually live in that house near that sweet shop where I had gone to for her funeral. She disappeared in the middle of my 10th std not on medical leave, but more like a sabbatical. She went travelling abroad to see the world. She got 2 years off because considering the number of years she had taught in my school, the management thought it was reasonable to give her a sabbatical. And now she is back and she is going to continue teaching in my school. I was so happy to see her again! After 2 years! And I was so happy to be her student again! I told her that she is my favourite physics teacher and its good to have her back. She gave me her trademark smile... the calm and serene smile she always gave me. I knew then, that she likes me as her student just as much as I love her as my teacher.

Then from a distance, I heard my mother call my name. I thought it was strange to hear her call out for me like that when I was in school. Then I realised that I forgot to inform my parents about the special coaching class. And after the class instead of going home, I sat talking to my physics teacher. I wasn't surprised that mom was worried about my whereabouts and had come searching for me. Neither was my physics teacher! She urged me to go and that she would see me the following day during the coaching class, and every day from then on. I skipped happily out of class, towards my mother's voice.

It was really odd that when I met my mom finally at the school entrance, she was telling me its really late. I told her that I was sorry I was late but I had coaching class and I didn't tell her about it. She acted like she hadn't heard me. She wanted me to drive her in the car to the shop to buy vegetables. I was confused! I was only 16 and I didn't know how to drive a car! Then she kept urging me to get up.

Thats when I realised.

I am not 16. I am not in school. I am an adult now. I have finished my undergrad and am on my way to graduate studies.

My nightmare wasn't my physics teacher's illness and her death... that was reality.

My nightmare was waking up to reality after having spent hours talking to her and believing that she never fell sick, that she never left us, that her death was my nightmare.

I lost her once 6 years ago. I lost her again this morning. Its surprising how somethings never change, even after 6 years. Because it was just as difficult today morning to wake up to the bad news as it was 6 years ago...

In memory of his music...

2009-06-25T21:18:00.006-05:00

I usually don't get up before 10am during vacation. But surprisingly, for the past one week, I have been waking up at 6am each day! Today was no different. And as soon as I woke up, I did what I usually do, check email to see if my new grad school has written to me. As I opened my browser, I saw the shocking news splashed all over my home page!

"King of Pop" Michael Jackson dies at 50.

I know that Michael Jackson has been better known for his controversies off late. But to be honest, I never really read the tabloids or even cared about the news seeping in about him through the years. I have loved Michael Jackson for the music that he has given to the world and I look at him as an exceptionally talented musician. Michael Jackson holds a special place in my life as far as music is concerned.

When I was a little kid, dad had gone to Germany for a few months on a sabbatical. And when he came back, he brought along with him a bunch of music CDs that caught his fancy. One of them, or rather two of them (it came as a 2-CD pack) were the greatest hits of Michael Jackson, a compilation album called "History". Those CDs were how I was introduced to the world of western music. Till then my music-life revolved solely around bollywood. Since then, my english playlist has expanded beyond recognition!

But I'll always remember that compilation album. I can forget the classic "Heal the world" that was featured ever so often in our annual days as a save-the-world message performance! Of course there is the all time favourite "Thriller". As a kid, I used to be scared to listen to that song when I was alone at home because of the scary narration... "darkness falls across the land... the midnight hour is close at hand... creatures crawl in the search of blood... to terrorize your neighbourhood!" But all through, I have always loved his songs. Ever heard him sing as a young kid as a part of the Jackson 5? You should listen to him singing "Blame it on the boogie". I just have to mention his song "cry" because my dearest friend has a soft spot for that song :)

I could keep listing all the songs of his that I love, but that list would be far too long. So let me conclude this post instead with the song that I love the most that he had sung. Its one of my most favourite songs and it has always been like that. I had even mentioned in back in my first year here in my blog!

Michael Jackson truly earned his place as the King of Pop out of sheer talent, the Elvis Presley of our age. He had begun his life as a performer when he was just five years old. He bridged the gap between the black and the white communities with his talent in music. He was the first black star of MTV and steadily climbed the ladder of fame and success. It is true that his life might have spun a bit out of control towards his final years. But its truly worth remembering him for his gift as a singer, dancer and performer.

Michael Jackson, no matter what the world says, to me you'll always be the artist who introduced me to a whole new world of music and in that process, you gave me a song that I have fallen hopelessly in love with, and from which I have always derived great comfort. It doesn't really matter if you are black or white!

Wherever you are, may you rest in peace... and may your music live on forever

Video Courtesy - Youtube