Hi! I am back! And no, I have not given up on blogging. Just been really busy. I still love this spot and miss the thrill of typing out posts. It feels good to be back, though not with anything major to say right now (though so much has happened!). Maybe I will start tackling all that I want to say from now on, post by post. For now, this will have to do.
Why, I wondered, did my passport have to expire RIGHT in the middle of my undergrad life. I mean, a passport is supposed to last 10 years but undergrad life is just 4. You'd think you wouldn't have to worry about it! Anyways, I had to get my passport renewed. It sucks that the High Commission is so far away from where I live. It felt weird to get up and travel at 7:30am to submit my application! But loads of things tend to strike you in the solitude of a 8am train ride. Lots of interesting musings. Unfortunately, I remember only 2 right now.
1. I whined so much about getting up early and travelling for more than an hour at 7:30am just for a day. But when I got into the bus and then on to the train, I saw so many young people, all dressed neatly in formals going to work. I wonder how it will be when I start working. Will I also get up early in the morning and travel a great deal of distance to get to work? Just somehow doesn't feel like my life will ever be like that. Unreal and sorta scary!
2. It sucks not to have your laptop with you when you are on a solitary 8am journey filled with musings. And it sucks not to have the world wide net (accessible form!) all over this island. I was thinking, if only I had my laptop then, I could have blogged about all my thoughts and saved a record for my future reference. But then again, I guess thats what note pads and pens are for :P (Primitive tools!)
But one thing (minor thing) did happen today in my 3pm solitary bus ride (to collect my brand new passport). I was listening to my iPod, which I recently filled with all the latest songs I have. The thing about my iPod is, there are certain songs which I just can't remove. Sentimental attachment. It doesn't matter that I will most likely skip the song when it comes up on shuffle, I just can't remove them. One such song is "Bad day". Yeah, we have all heard that one. It been a long time since I last listened to it since I have gotten into the habit of skipping it the minute I hear the opening notes of the piano. But today, I listened to it completely. And it felt so good. Just one line from that song, turned my crappy crappy (and lousy!) day into a good one!
"You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost"
It set me thinking on what I believe magic is. Duh, Harry Potter came to mind and so did "The Prestige". But then I thought of magic in our daily lives and realised that off late, I have forgotten what it feels like to have that kind of "magic". Frankly speaking, it has been ages since anything worth celebrating has happened in my life. Life's just a boring routine that I am growing to hate and thats NOT life as I know it. The song seemed pretty apt.
But then I thought about it again. I was wrong. I admit that I am pessimistic most of the time, but the optimist is not dead. I do feel the magic each day. No matter how crappy the previous day was, even in the face of another potentially crappy day, I feel the magic every morning when I wake up. It doesn't matter that I wake up late for class or after oversleeping and wasting the weekend. The magic is still there. The magic of a brand bew day and a brand new start. A potential for absolute crap combined with a glimmer of hope. A fresh start... thats my coffee every morning that gets me going. If you ask me, its quite a feat, "magic" actually, for me to wake up each morning (these days! *sigh*), glad that the sun shines another day and to know that everything will be fine. Its the same magical feeling that engulfs me every night before I go to bed, grateful to be able to finally get some rest, relief from reality through dreams, and the hope that the next day will be fine. That I will make it fine.
While this semester continues to get crappier (and more hectic) by the minute, I find it magical that an indestructable feeling of optimism resides in me, Macho Girl, the biggest pessimist the world has ever seen. I never knew I had it inside me! :)
Its nice to be able to discover yourself once in a while. Maybe long solitary bus rides to the High Commission are not so bad after all. I'm glad my passport expired :)