How do you like your eggs?

I met this interesting girl once when I was out. We got into a conversation and she was telling me about herself, her life goals and ambitions, personal and professional. As far as personal goals went, she said she had just one goal - to find out how she likes her eggs in the morning. I looked at her for a second, wondering if she was being serious about it, then I realized she was making a reference, she didn't literally mean that her only goal in life was to figure out how she wanted her eggs. I am still surprised I understood the reference, given that I have watched "The Runaway Bride" only once!

For those of you who haven't watched the movie or who don't remember this reference, the movie is about Julia Roberts dating one guy after another, moulding herself to suit each guy's needs and then running out on the wedding at the last minute. Richard Gere calls her out on her BS and confronts her by saying, she loses herself so much in these men that she doesn't even know how she likes her eggs because she always gets the same kind of eggs that the man she is dating at the time gets.

The girl I met was using this reference to tell me that she has been catering to the needs of the people she has been in relationships with that she feels like she has lost her identity and need to reclaim that before she does anything else with her personal life. It made complete sense to me and I respected her a lot for that.

That conversation made me look at myself, my tastes and choices and I realize that on several matters, my choices have been very much affected by the people around me, this gets esepcially worse when I am in a relationship or with a very close friend. I am beginning I don't know how I like my eggs in the morning, I need to figure it out.

What got me thinking about this conversation that was had long long ago was the scent that greeted me as I entered my apartment today after stepping out for a while. It was a pleasant, cherry-flavoured scent that seemed to have a cheerful and perky connotation to it. It made me happy and it made me smile. The reason my apartment smells so damn good is because I have become a huge fan of scented candles. And all these months, I have been buying candles that have a flowery scent to them, which is awesome, I love flowery scents. But a few weeks back, I saw a few candles that were on sale for half price. I looked at the scents they had, they were all very fruity - Cherry, plums, strawberries etc etc. I picked up the black cherry candle and smelled it. I was surprised at how good it was! I stayed away from all scents fruity because an old friend of mine, with whom I used to spend a lot of time, hated fruity scents, and so I stayed away from them too. Over time, it became a habit. But that's not really me, I don't mind fruity, under a certain limit! My apartment smells awesome!

Lots of choices I have made are because of the people in my life and now I am spending time reevaluating those choices and testing them all to see if it really suits me. Sometimes the answer is a yes, for example, I started using Aussie brand conditioner because a very good friend of  mine recommended it, when I started dating, my ex had told me that was her favorite conditioner. So I started using it. After my ex and I broke up, I switched to a different conditioner but it didn't take me long to realize that Aussie actually is really effective for frizzy hair. Aussie is here to stay.

Doctor Who, may or may not stay, not sure on the verdict for that

Walking Dead is out. It scares me too much

Knitting, may or may not stay, there are some days when I am in the mood to knit, but it takes too long to finish a project and while I do find it rewarding at times, it isn't always as rewarding as I am lead to believe.

Oreos had taken a hiatus because my ex hated them, now they are back on my coffee table

Full cream milk is back

Diet coke is out. Dr. Pepper shall never darken my doorstep (or kitchen) again!

I will get myself a kitten in a few months, being a cat person does not make me evil.

When my phone is due for an upgrade, I will get another android, I will not be swept up in the iPhone craze because I am more comfortable with a droid.

Back to being indifferent about zombies (its not going to happen, y'all. Its not biologically possible)

Back to being indifferent about vampires (meh, too many vampire shows and movies, even when I don't count Twilight)

Back to using mushrooms, onions and garlic in my cooking! Yay!!!

Back to watching the Justice League, Bones, Mythbusters and Bollywood movies

Back to jamming out to Linkin Park on my drive to work

Back to making travel plans to expand my fridge magnet collection with more states to add on!

Back to 1000 piece puzzles

Back to fiction books

Back to blogging (I hope!)

Back to being me!!!!

And P.S.: I like my morning eggs fried over-hard :) Runny yolk bothers me, it needs to be cooked solid!

Little Wonders

Lab meetings are never fun. At least never for the person presenting. Our lab has a habit of having a "roundtable" meeting every now and then where every lab member must present one powerpoint slide on what they have been upto that whole month.

Today was particularly brutal for a girl that I work with. She's a research technician in our lab as well as our lab manager. Apart from her administrative duties, she has been very enthusiastic about learning bench work and science and new techniques. After being bounced from project to project, she finally found something she could sink her teeth in when she was put on my project.

I love learning. If anybody is willing to teach me, I love to learn new stuff. Science and lab work is no different. I remember how excited I was when I started off on my first project as an undergrad. It was an amazing experience. So I don't really believe that our research tech should be treated like a "tech" who is concerned only with techniques. I try to explain to her why we do what we do and get her to think about what she is doing. After all the growing pains part, we now have a pretty good system between us.

For anybody who has mentored a person in lab techniques, the day the your student is no longer a cause for delay in your experiments but is actually helping move the experiment at twice the speed it should, is a very proud day indeed. Where my project is right now, I could never have gotten to this point so quickly if it wasn't for the tech's contributions.

Today's lab meeting was terrible for her though. For the first time, we ran into a roadblock in the project and she has been working hard on trying to troubleshoot without turning to me for help. But our boss doesn't even let her present. Instead my student was insulted, criticized (not constructive at all), and embarrassed in front of the whole group for no reason. That sucked.

Right after lab meeting, I went looking for the tech but I couldn't find her anywhere. She had left to go home early. I was kinda worried about her. Its not easy to stand up in front of a lab that views you as "just a tech" and talk about science to a bunch of grad students and post docs. Its even worse when your boss doesnt appreciate your efforts.

Andy suggested I write an email to her. The techtard that I am, the possibilities and wonders of the emailing system escaped my mind. So I wrote to her, telling her I think she is doing a great job on the project and that she should be proud of all that she has learnt and how far she has come. Here is what I said -

"Hey there,

I tried to find you after lab meeting but I think you have left for the day. I just wanted to tell you not to take anything the boss said to heart in the wrong way. I saw you look quite dejected.

I think you are doing awesome on the project and this project wouldnt have moved forward so fast without your work towards it! :) You are constantly learning techniques, with some more experience, you will learn how to analyze results as well :)

You are doing great!!! Keep up the good work!!!

MG"

Its not much I know. But apparently it made a difference that I sent that email.

I got a reply from her. (There was more to the reply than what I have shown here but all that is just between me and the tech :) )

"Thanks girl. I really needed that.

I really appreciate you realizing I might need a pick me up even though you're going through so much. If you ever need anything, let me know :-)"

No matter how crappy the day can get, no matter what happens that brings you down, no matter how sad you are, its little things like these everyday that make life so darn beautiful. As I type this post, I know that in future I am going to have several other posts that warrant the title "Little wonders" and its knowing that these small things happen everyday that makes life worth living :)

Happiness is not always about the big things in life. Happiness finds its way to you in the most unexpected ways. Finding your favourite parking spot free, a stranger holding the door open for you, the guy at the fast food counter who managed to convince you to donate a dollar for a good cause, the car that stopped to give you way to make a turn, a new flavour of your favourite cookie, a text from a friend you haven't spoken to in forever, a fortune cooking advising you to order take-out, a pat on your back from your favourite post-doc in lab, singing in the car to your favourite CD....

A reply to the email you sent to your lab mate, showing that she knows you care and appreciates that you do :)

So have you made somebody smile today? :)

Reset the Calling

Its ridiculous how dependent I have become on my phone. I mean, I always have been dependent on my phone no matter what, since I had my first cell phone. But since I got the smart phone, its been just plain ridiculous. Over the past few weeks, I have personalized it a lot! Unique ringtones, unique text notifications, email notifications, Whats app settings, gtalk settings, ringtone maker, kindle books, etc etc etc. And I need them all! Anything and everything that matters and that is important to me (or has been important over the past few weeks) are all stored in various apps.

HTC evo 3D, however, is fairly notorious for breaking down every now and then. When I had gone to the store to select my new smart phone, 5 our of the 6 people in line (the 6th person being me), had all brought their HTC evo phones because of some malfunction of the other. I wasn't being particularly smart when I zeroed in on this smart phone!

So, my phone gave me a whole bunch of trouble today evening. For no apparent reason, my phone would just freeze and reset and restart. Over and over and over again. It was practically useless. Can't make calls, send texts, check email, gtalk, nothing. Because the stupid phone kept restarting and suddenly had a mind of its own and went on strike.

After a frustrating hour, trying to figure out what went wrong, I finally opened my laptop to google out a solution. Turns out, I am not the only one with this problem. And everybody else who has had this issue, has had to reset the phone to factory settings. Wipe out everything. Reset fresh. Totally from scratch.

Damn.

I did what I had to do. I had to restore factory settings on my phone. When I turned it on again, it was like being with a stranger. Not my phone anymore. I didnt even recognize it. The wallpaper was all different, the weather read the temperature in Fahrenheit instead of my usual Celsius scale, all my favourite apps gone, ringtone set to boring old standard ringtone. Ugh. I felt like everything had changed.

I did lose a lot of stuff. All text messages were gone. All photos I got through my text messages were gone. All my apps gone. All my contacts gone. Everything erased.

Or so I thought!

SOME, not all, remained saved in my memory card (which apparently did not get reset). So all the photos I had taken with my phone camera were still there. When I re-downloaded kindle, it automatically took me to the page in the book where I had stopped. When I downloaded my ringtone app, it came with all the unique ringtones I had created. But thats the extent of it. That is all I managed to recover.

Life can be like a smart phone sometimes. It seems to malfunction. You try to fix it, but the problems don't go away. Life freezes, unfreezes, shuts down and opens up in a manner designed to frustrate/depress/annoy the crap out of you. What do you do then?

Wouldn't it be awesome if life came with a "reset to factory settings" option? Not where everything is erased. Of course not. More like, my not-so-smart phone's reset option. Where some stuff is erased but a lot of important stuff from the past is still with you.

I wish I knew where this reset button for life existed.

But life doesn't have to be more complicated than a simple reset button. Its all upto us, ain't it? What we want to keep and what we want to leave behind, what we want to change, what we want to customize in our lives, is all up to us. I think every now and then, when we see our systems slowing down, its probably useful to sort through all the material on our hard disks and trash all the negatives and keep the positives.


We all depend on ourselves to take care of things in our own lives. Nobody is going to do it for us. Life is like your smart phone or your laptop/desktop, where you have stored everything that matters to you.

I know this sounds corny, but, don't we owe it to ourselves to clean up the negatives and back-up the positives so if the system should ever crash, we never lose what makes us happy?

P.S.: I just had to write this post. Its been soooooo long since I did an analogy post!

My Fruit Cups!

Yeah, so today's blog post's title is actually an episode title from Scrubs :P Don't judge! I really couldn't help myself. I initially wanted to title it "Cake Walk", but then decided that it wasn't descriptive enough. I considered "My Cake Walk". Sounded very Scrubs-ish. I figured, if I am going to sound like scrubs, might as well go all the way! :)

Enough about the title. On to the post!

So it all started with a conversation I was having this evening with CKR. We were talking about how things have been these past few months for her and for me. She recently shifted labs (no small feat!) and I know its been a rough time for her. But she has finally found a Ph.D home where she feels happy! :D Here's to some amazing doctoral research for her! :D

Anyhoo, it occurred to us during our conversation that for all the bitching that we do, we rarely realize how much the struggles and trials of our life, that are seemingly insurmountable, make life a lot sweeter. I mean, if everything was handed to us on a silver platter, would we value all the things that we have with us?

It got me thinking about my own struggles and the fruit of my efforts (hence the title!). Its not exactly been a cake walk getting to this point. But then again, some of the best cake in the world is the cake that you work hard to bake from scratch by yourself right?

*gets lost in thought, J.D. style!*

- In school I had a math teacher who really inspired me. I HATED math before I was in her class. But after having a talk with her, I realized that I could actually be good at this subject if only I put in the effort! Of course, it was almost too late of a realization because I spent my entire childhood avoiding math and my very basics (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division) were pretty weak. 3 times 3 could be 6 for me! Anyway, ever since my teacher inspired me and challenged me to complete an exam and get 100% of my answers correct. I was in hot pursuit for that elusive perfect score. I tried and tried and tried and tried... for four long years I tried. Exam after exam, I'd get close.... really close... but then lose out on something ridiculously careless. Finally, in my final year of high school, one of the last exams I would ever write in school, when nearly all hope was lost, I managed to get the perfect score! And I will bet you everything I own that nobody else could have been as proud of that exam as my math teacher and I were. We KNEW how difficult it was for me to get to that point! :D

Similarly,

- Worked at my studies for my first semester in college. Got a crappy GPA. Worked smart for the next semester, got tons of As. I valued those As a lot more because I didn't take them for granted :)

- Applied to 13 graduate schools. Got 12 rejection letters. One acceptance letter. I value that single acceptance letter because I know what it feels like to get a rejection letter :)

- Lived with a room mate I couldn't get along with for 2 years. Now I have my own apartment. I value this new found freedom that I have a lot more knowing what its like to live with somebody you don't get along with :)

- Lived in Dallas without a car for a year. Depended a ton on people to drive me to grocery stores to get basic food supplies. I have walked down scary streets to go to the nearest store to find food. I appreciate my car so much more now because I know how crappy life was without it :)

- Did 4 rotations in labs, each one seeming more unlikely than the previous to have funding to support me as a grad student. By the end of my third rotation, I thought I wasn't going to be able to find myself a Ph.D home which could fund me. I value my lab that I work in right now so much, because I almost didn't get in there and I had to fight my way and prove myself to get in :)

- Lived away from home for 2 years. My visit back to India was so unbelievably amazing because I finally understood how hard it really is to live far away from home and how amazing it feels to have family settled close by. It makes a huge difference. I know that now :)

- Didn't have friends for a year and a half so when I did eventually find them, I learnt to appreciate the importance of a good friend a ton more :)

So yeah... moral of the story, no matter how difficult things seem, if you work hard, hang in there and stay true to yourself, everything will sort out and what you get out of that is definitely a lot sweeter than just having everything handed to you :)

Here is the trick though that I am trying to become good at. Once you get stuff that is of value to you, you need to work to keep it so it stays with you!

I had to continue studying hard to keep my GPA up in undergrad, I still had to pass a qualifying exam to stay in the grad school that accepted me, I still am getting used to the responsibilities that come with having my own apartment, I still need to maintain my car regularly so it keeps running, I still need to work hard in lab and produce data to keep proving to everybody and myself that it was worth taking me in as a grad student despite financial problems that come with taking in an international student (funding is low in NIH for international students plus PI has to pay for my visa), I still have to live away from home and be strong so my family has nothing to worry about (shout out to mom and dad - there is nothing to worry about!!! I am happy and I am doing well!!!), and just finding good friends isn't enough, I gotta learn to be a good friend to all my friends who are here in my life.

So.... Here is where I stand

Even though struggling to get stuff in life can sometimes suck, I wouldn't have it any other way. No matter how difficult it gets, when things finally fall in place, I always learn something from it. And when that moment of "enlightenment" hits you, you realize...

Its all worth the wait. Its all worth the struggle :) :) :)

The Un-fortune-ate cookie

I got a fortune cookie today with my lunch. And guess what it said....

.......................................................................................................

:-/

Seriously???????????

:P

The second first impression

So I've heard - You never get a second chance at making a first impression.

It kinda makes sense to me in a way. I mean, its called a "first" impression for a reason right? And its kinda scary. You'd have to meet me to understand why that is the case. I usually don't make an impression the first time I meet somebody. I am quiet. Sometimes awkwardly so. Its hard to make an impression when you don't say anything!

But then again, just because I am not saying what's on my mind, doesn't mean I am not thinking it! How is somebody supposed to know whether I am funny, smart or just generally a nice person (and a fun person) to be around unless I say something?!

First impressions....

When I think of that... two people come to mind, very distinctly! This post is for them, because I am really happy that first impressions can change over time! :)

Person 1 - First day in Singapore, Dad was with me. He flew to Singapore with me to make sure I stayed there and didn't fly back on the next plane home :P And of course to help me settle in a new place. I was supposed to have an orientation talk for the Life Science program. So we walk to the foyer of the residence I was staying at. We bump into a girl, who like me, is also a new Life Science student in NUS. Except, she is completely oblivious about the orientation program I was going to attend. So the three of us meet at the foyer and this is how it goes...

Girl - Hi!

Dad - Hi!

Me - *smile quietly*

Girl - I am a first year life science student!

Dad - Oh really? She (points at me) is a first year life science student too! Are you going to the orientation talk now too?

Girl - Orientation talk? I had no idea there was one right now!

Dad - Oh! Did you want to go with us to the lecture theatre?

Girl - Why not, its not like I am doing anything else

Me - *quiet*

So yeah, her first impression of me, Dad apparently does all the talking for me!

This is how I met clueless. Apparently once I start talking, I am not such a bad person to hang around :) And we hung out together for 4 years through our undergrad

Person 2 - Journal club. One out of the three journal clubs I was required to attend as a first year in Dallas. We had Cells, Genes and Proteins. Proteins were supposed to be my field of "expertise" given the background of my undergraduate research and course work. So I walked in excited (because honestly, the Genes Journal Club BOMBED for me!). I sit opposite to person 2. I wasn't sure if she recognized me. We had spoken once before but while waiting for the professor to come in, she showed no signs of recognition. I brush it aside. Journal club starts. The rest of what happened is really a fuzzy memory. I do remember feeling terribly intimidated. Even though I knew a lot about the papers we were discussing, I barely spoke up. After journal club sessions were over, I didn't really meet this girl again for a long long long time. I thought I made absolutely no impression.

This was my first impression on Andy. But today, apparently I am not as dull as I thought (or seemed)! We now talk everyday over gtalk, texts, phone calls, hanging out, anything fun!

So yeah... first impressions...

So what if I didn't get a second chance at making a first impression....

Its the real impression of me on their mind that counts! :)

Forward march!

So, I have been indulging in one of my favourite things to do on the internet, reading blogs! And recently, apart from my sporadic posts, I have become a lot more aware of my own blog and what it holds.


It all started with a friend, who has never been featured in my blog before, and whom I shall call Andy from here on :) She got around to visiting my blog and reading some of my earlier posts, and as and when she was reading, she'd say something about the post on my gtalk chat window, which made me realize what she was upto! So I started re-reading my earlier posts, just to look at my blog from a fresh perspective. And as I was doing that, I stumbled across a post I had written in December 2009. Just before New Years. And I found this list of things that I wanted to have done.


Now, it gives me great pleasure to feature the list once again on my blog and proudly claim my achievements! 

- Get an American Driver's license
Failed twice but third time was indeed the charm! Got my license to kill drive

- Own a car (woohoo! can't wait!)
I am currently the proud owner of a 2003 Hyundai Elantra! His name is Aryan :)

- Get a couple of credit cards (my first ever ones... I am growing up!)
After a couple of rejections, I did manage to accomplish this as well! Now I really wish the credit card companies would stop sending me mails :-/

- Settle in a lab that will be my home for the next 5 years
Getting my PhD in a lab studying Adult Neurogenesis! So yeah, I found me a PhD home :)


- Settle in a program in the university that I will graduate under
Um... ok... I did that... but... um... not to proud to mention which program I selected so lets just say.. mission accomplished :P :P :P

- Complete a good chunk of my qualifying exam proposal (if not all of it!)
Ph.D candidate in da house!!! :D :D :D

- Get more furniture in my apartment and settle down properly into my apartment
I moved into a brand new single bedroom apartment in a very pretty neighbourhood! And I did manage to get furniture! Thanks to Andy, I have an awesome bed, I bought a couch from a lab mate who is moving out of Texas, got a free TV from another lab mate, bought an xbox, kitchen is getting stocked up quite rapidly thanks to Andy and soon, she will help me put up some paintings and sketches of mine on the walls to complete the pretty apartment! :)

- No longer call this place "my apartment" and call it "home" instead
It is my home now :) I love it to bits! Especially when I have my friends over! :D :D :D 

- Travel to at least 3-4 places outside of Dallas (at least 2 outside Texas)
Wisconsin, New York, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Illinois.... so far...!! And loads of travelling within Texas! :D :D :D

- At least one of the above mentioned travels should be a road trip in my own car
With mom and dad when they came to visit. We drove to Austin, San Antonio, Canyon Lake... in my very own car!!! Aryan!!! :D


In addition to this list, I am doing a lot of other cool things that I used to keep angsting and whining about on this blog. I now have steady hobbies, I paint a lot, sketch, knit once in a while and I do read books, not as much as I would like to, but at least it isn't an absolute zero the way it used to be! :)


So 2 years in Dallas, where do I stand?


Wherever it is, I'd say its a pretty good place to be :) 


I am happy :)

Still waters don't always run deep!

When I was a kid, stuff on sun signs was a big fascination among my friends. And everybody loved it that I was a Capricorn. For several years I was told that all the traits a Capricorn is supposed to have (and which they are impressed by) are traits that I possess. Apparently, my friends thought I was practical, rational, independent and basically the "strong and silent" types. They were spot on about the "silent" type! But one key adage associated with a Capricorn was... "Still waters run deep". Nope, still waters don't always run deep. They sometimes "stagnate" and its been a key feature of my life for some time now.

The first person to use the word "stagnate" to describe something about me was.... eek!... my boss!!! That was a nightmare in its own right! Well, here is the background story. I manage 3 projects in lab and I love 2 of them to bits! But the third one is a bit iffy.... its a left-over project from an old collaboration we had on a protein that I do no believe is responsible for affecting neurogenesis (the topic our lab focusses on). Now our collaborator lab is closing down and is destroying their transgenic mice. I needed tissue from them to complete the study which obviously, I don't have anymore! So excuse me if my enthusiasm for this project is not very high!

Ironically, some of the best data that I have collected since I joined the lab was on this one project that I am so resentful towards. My first committee meeting focussed on this project and a ton of questions were asked that I could not answer. This was 4 months ago. Now 4 months later, I can kinda sorta answer my committee's questions and concerns, but the care factor is still pretty low. So its not surprising that  my boss pointed out (and rightly so) that my knowledge in this particular protein and its relation to neurogenesis is "stagnant". It really is, I haven't bothered to study it, I am guilty of what she accuses me of.

Its almost time for me to go to India. In 48 hours, I will be at JFK, waiting to board my flight back home. Its been two years since I returned. As excited as I am about going back, I have been forced to stop for a minute and examine myself and how far I have come. At this point, I found the word "stagnant" pretty descriptive of the situation I am in.

Here is how I should have progressed over the past couple of years - after an initial bumpy stage of settling into a new country and a new life, I should have gotten a handle of how things work in life, how to live on my own, how to cook and provide for myself, how to be strong and courageous, be there for the few friends I have here and overall, be a good person.

Here is how I really am - Still settling into a new country but am in denial that I am still figuring things out, I want to believe that I know what I am doing, but I have no clue. I still have no idea how things work in life, I live on my own but I haven't figured out how to be strong enough to enjoy it, I barely cook and barely manage to take care of myself. I am not strong, I am not courageous. I have been a good friend to the few friends I have here but not a perfect friend. Am I a good person overall? I dunno, I feel like I am still the same person who set foot outside her home in India for the first time, 6 years ago - an angsty teenager who is bitter about how life is so "unfair" and whining about how it sucks to be alone and wallowing in self-pity.

So have my travels made me grow? Am I returning home to my family a better person?

Even today, when things go bad and I feel depressed or lonely, I can't seem to take care of myself. I need to call my mom or dad or Clueless and talk to one of them. I still need support to lean on. I never figured out how to apply the single best advice I have received ever... and its from clueless... she always says... "Don't think about it".

Four simple words, one profound truth. The more I think about things, the more terrible they seem. The more I brood, the more hopeless the situation becomes.

Well, hopefully when I get back after my vacation and start life here again, I will make some progress and change into the person I want to be. Life is not so bad. I am blessed. And someday I will learn to derive happiness from this knowledge :)

How far can 3 Rupees take you?

Note: Today's post on my blog is a guest post by somebody very dear to me. Reading his essay brought back tons of memories to my mind, especially since before we ever owned a car, 5B used to be the one bus I was familiar with! Besides, now I live in a city where the frequency of public transport is terrible and better yet, lots of public transport services do not work on Sundays. It put everything into a different perspective and suddenly, I appreciate how well connected my home town is.

One often hears people say “what can 100 rupees get these days?” or “what can 500 rupees get you these days?” and so on, depending upon who is talking. Today is Sunday 26^th June 2011.  Time line is important for this story.  I just got back after attending the wedding reception of one of my colleagues’ son. The reception was held at New Woodlands hotel lawn. I got ready at 6.30 pm and was ready to leave.  My “Mrs” did not come with me to the reception because her family members have come for vacation. In her usual tone “why are you going so early, even the bride and groom won’t be ready by 7.00 pm! They must be still in the beauty parlour”. Based on the bad experiences we had in so many wedding receptions, I had to agree that she was correct. One of my own students came about an hour late for his own wedding reception. Janavasam procession got stuck in the traffic jam in Alwarpet! Well... coming back to the story, just then it started to drizzle, summer showers in Chennai.  The bride and groom can forget about reception at outdoors on the lawn. While all this was going through my mind I was actually contemplating how to reach the venue.  Taking the car was out of the question, did not feel like driving in the maddening evening traffic.  So I rode the scooter up to the Gate, parked it there and came out of IIT campus. 

Finally my mind was made up. I am not going to spoil my good mood by bargaining with the unreasonable Chennai auto drivers. I will take the bus. Which bus goes to New Woodlands?  I had no idea; it had been so long since I took bus in Chennai.  I crossed the Sardar Patel road in front of IIT and reached CLRI bus stop safely. Waited in the bus stop for about 5 minutes watching the traffic and reminiscing about how peaceful this Sardar Patel Road used to be when I joined IIT Madras in 1991, even better, how dark and forest like scary atmosphere this road used to pose when I was a student at IIT Madras in 1979. We could ride the bicycle without any difficulties to Adyar and Mylapore in those days. Within 30 years so much of change, so much of traffic, so much noise, where did the trees go, where did all the bicycles disappear?  All in the name of development!  But one thing has not changed, not even a bit.  Like the Old Faithful the bus came to a screeching halt, the same old 5B bus, Thyagaraya Nagar to Mylapore. I just got in and started my journey to Mylapore.

It was supposed to be a Deluxe bus which meant the seats are moulded and contoured with special plastic, individual seats where one could park his butt individually and comfortably. The bus was not crowded, may be because it was a Sunday. I asked the Conductor of the bus the fare to Mylapore, he replied “seven rupees sir”. So, what can 100 rupees get you these days, you can do the math!, a lot actually. The conductor had a fancy calculator type electronic gadget, he punched a few keys and presto!, out came the electronically printed ticket. I was quite impressed. All the comforts of a contoured seat and an electronically printed ticket just for seven rupees?  It could have been even a personalized ticket with my name on it! I just burned 1000 rupees worth of petrol driving my fancy air-conditioned car to Mahabalipuram today morning, relatives have come for vacation, you know (wink, wink). I bought my ticket and moved to the front end of the bus.  Now I am having the bus driver’s view of the road.  It is amazing how these drivers manage to navigate this large body of automobile through the narrow lanes of T. Nagar, Mandaveli and Mylapore. The cars and motorcycles driving like maniacs trying to over take the bus so closely. No wonder the drivers of the city bus go mad and drive like maniacs.  They have to fight for every inch of road space along with the luxury cars and fancy motor cycles of the affluent for the sake of driving this bus for the poor souls who cannot indulge in such extravaganza. I love my India! Next time when I drive my car I will have sympathy for these bus drivers and give them way, not that they could not take it from me. The bus reached Mandaveli bus stand in about 15 minutes and I decided to get down there thinking that there will be a bus from Mandaveli bus stand to New Woodlands. I was told by the drivers who were chit chatting and sipping a cup of tea that 29C will take me there but I have to wait in the bus stand outside of the bus terminus. I just crossed the road and waited for about 5 minutes for 29C to come. 

During these 5 minutes at least 10 buses came and went to various destinations ranging from Aavadi to Tambaram.  What an amazing frequency of buses in Chennai city on a Sunday evening! That too not very crowded, thanks partly due to the Varuna Bhagawan who was kind enough to bring the humidity to 100% this evening. M29C came first, I did not take it because I did not understand what M stood for.  Then came 29C, again a deluxe bus, this time the fare was only six rupees to New Woodlands. Just in 10 minutes I came to New Woodlands bus stop, got down and crossed the road “safely” and reached  New Woodlands by 7.15 pm. Not bad at all, 13 rupees and 45 minutes got me going so for. I was indeed very proud of myself, my reality check worked and I succeeded in the test.

The wedding reception was the usual routine, you meet the same colleagues from IIT, stand in the queue for 20-30 minutes, reach the stage, shake hands with the groom and a Namaste to the bride in 10 seconds, photo and videographers dictate where you should stand, a few flashes go up and you are done with the social responsibility.  It is time to grab the dinner and get out.  This time it was a buffet dinner and not the usual “pandhi” type dinner.  I hate the way Madarasi caterers serve in the pandhi style dinners.  They randomly come and throw some food on the ”yet to the washed and cleaned banana leaf” and keep going like an assembly line.

After dinner I decided to venture in the bus once again to reach back IIT.  Just in front of New Woodlands I waited for 29C, it came within 5 minutes of wait.  During these 5 minutes I observed how nicely the bus stand was made, well lit, with hand rails and seats made of stainless steel.  I even sat on one of the stainless steel stools for a few minutes. Some parts of Chennai are really Singara Chennai, no doubt.  If not in Dr. Radhakrishna Salai, where else could one find a nice bus stand with such fantastic amenities? Pizza Hut, Reliance Fashions, GKB Opticals, all of them fancy shops, just across from New Woodlands, After all, the most affluent of Chennai live within 2 kilometre radius from here. I took 29C deluxe again to Mylapore tank, 4 rupees ticket this time, got down at the Tank within 5 minutes.  This time bus driver was really mad, drove like a maniac in the narrow lanes over taking everyone as if he owned the road, he even “almost” kissed the rear end of a Maruti Swift near Luz corner. The Old Faithful 5B was parked near the tank and the bus was almost full. I mean all the seats were occupied but no one was standing. The driver and conductor were smoking and having a conversation on the recent outcome of the state assembly poll.  “How did Amma manage to sweep the polls?; I guess, was the topic of their discussion. The display on the bus 5B LSS puzzled me.  I began to wonder if this bus would stop in IIT stop. I asked the conductor.  He was very polite “yes sir, get in, let us go”, one should imagine this and the following conversation in Chennai Tamil.

I asked for the fare to IIT and swiftly came the answer “three rupees sir”. I could not believe what I just heard and I wanted to  be sure.  “I beg your pardon, did you say three rupees, I want to go to IIT”. “Yes sir, only three rupees, don’t be surprised, even to T. Nagar it is only four rupees”.  Just then I felt like shouting my buddy Sylvester’s phrase “Sufferin Succotash, only the.. thee...three rupees”. Just yesterday the Central Government decided to hike the price of diesel by three rupees a litre on which these buses run. I think the price of diesel is about 40 rupees a litre now. How the hell do they cover this distance of about 6-7 kilometres just in three rupees? To put things in proper perspective, a kilo of rice is 38-45 rupees, a kilo of vegetable oil is 135 rupees, a kilo of sugar is 35 rupees, a litre of petrol is 65 rupees, vegetables vary from 20-40 rupees a kilo. Although the conductor was busy issuing tickets I decided to engage him in a friendly conversation, he seemed like he could use one.  I asked him “how come you do not have the fancy calculator type ticket printer?”, “Sir, those things are no good sir, they work only for 6 months, there is nothing like the good old paper tickets sir” showing me a bunch of printed tickets stashed between his left hand fingers. I guess he finally found someone to pour his heart out, he continued “look at this lousy blue uniform they have given us sir, it is neither cleanable nor ironable, useless thing. They even gave us a pair of chappals in the Transport Corporation, if I wanted to walk south the chappal would take me to north, sir, I had to throw them out, sorry sir, I should not complain, but sometimes I am unable to contain”. I did not know how to console him, I simply smiled and nodded my head as if I sympathize with him and agreeing to his point of view. He moved on to the back side of the bus.  An elderly man got down at Mandaveli leaving the seat free for me to take. I enjoyed my three rupees ride to IIT. When the bus was about to reach IIT I got up and signalled to the friendly conductor, he whistled, the bus stopped and I got down after waving a “thank you” gesture to the bus conductor.

After a very long I took the bus today and I am so glad that I did. It taught me very valuable lessons. More importantly I have once again fallen in love with Chennai. Next time when I hear someone say “what can 100 rupees get these days?”, I shall tell them that it can take them from Mylapore to T Nagar 25 times in the Old Faithful 5B. The friendly conductor in the blue uniform will only be too happy to drop them at IIT bus stop on the way to T Nagar. 

Writing to destress

A friend of mine brought a paper to my attention about exams. And now suddenly, a few things make sense to me (and a few things surprise me still). But essentially, the paper said that students who are taking exams tend to do better if they write about the stress or whatever before the exam. I don't remember the details. I am so stressed out right now that all the details are fuzzy.

Even details from my own proposal are looking fuzzy! I feel so under prepared for this exam. I am really intimidated by one of my committee members. He is one of the science Gods and I must not anger him. But I haven't read every paper out of his lab and this scares me. A LOT!!!!! I keep oscillating between feeling confident that I will be fine tomorrow, I know my stuff, to feeling like I am so screwed for the exam tomorrow!

A part of me is also really bored of my slides. I have looked at them so many times. I know them really well. But I also know there is no point in having the most brilliant slides in the world unless you know how to use them to your advantage and convey all the information that you intend to deliver to your audience. Being a nervous public speaker, thinking on my feet has never been my strength. I tend to forget stuff to mention every now and then. Its embarrassing as hell when I realize I forgot to mention some detail I was supposed to then have to say, "Oh! I forgot to mention this earlier, but this protein is expressed here as well! Which is why I am looking at this brain region in the first place! Heehee!". Yeah, doesn't look too professional.

I so completely understand what Dawn meant when she said after her qualifying exam that all she wanted to do was to burn all the papers. If I pass tomorrow, that is what I will want to do. But I also love my environment. So I will settle for the recycle bin.

I also feel nervous because this is the first time I have come up with a science proposal all on my own. This proposal is my baby. And my proposal is going to get attacked tomorrow by my committee. I have to try and protect it! This scares the crap out of me!

Now I suddenly understand why just before my exam seasons all through undergrad, the number of blog posts dramatically increased. I was just relieving my stress. So I could perform better in my exam. And now this is what I am attempting to do again. I turn to my blog, one of my best friends, for a source of comfort. And its working. For now. I know this is going to be temporary. I will start freaking out again. At that point, maybe I will call mom and complain about how long the night seems to me.

Its showtime folks! Time to get ready for the biggest exam I will ever take! Wish me good luck! :)

Move along, moving along

My life is currently positioned in such a way that a lot of things will change dramatically over the next few weeks. Of course, it goes without saying, that I will have my qualifying exam in 3 days. Am I worried about it? Nah. Terrified? HELL YEAH!!!! I gave a mock presentation today. I said "I don't know" more number of times than I care to admit.

But in other news, I have finally signed a lease for a single bedroom apartment. But  not in the same apartment complex I am living in right now. Right now, its just a 5 min walk to lab. After I move, it will  be a 15 min drive everyday (or an hour by train, if I choose to ride it). While at first I was really excited about this new development, now I am not so sure about it. The apartment looks nice, the neighbourhood is amazing and super safe. All the stores are located within walking distance. The community has a lot of swimming pools, fountains, jogging trails, a duck pond, you name it, you'll find it! So I should be still super excited right?

But I am not. I am super apprehensive. Kinda nervous. This is the first time I will be living without a room mate. I know, I know, NUS had single rooms and I was living in my own room there. But I was always surrounded by these gang of friends who never let it seem like I was living on my own. It was a family of friends, a family away from home. But now, I won't have such a thing. As much as my current room mate and I disagree on things, one thing that's always let me feel a little less lonely, is knowing there is another presence in the apartment. What'll I have at my new place? Probably a good TV, if I feel like it, an Xbox 360, a comfortable couch to relax on, a kitchen that is mine, all mine to take care of and a beautiful balcony that is twice as big as the one in the apartment I am currently living in. I will have a neighbourhood, where its safe to go out for a walk in the evening by the duck pond and watch the children feed the ducks. I can pick any swimming pool I want in the community to hang out at, to just sit back and relax. It all sounds like a dream come true. Except, I am beginning to learn, that material things just don't matter to me now anymore. So what if I have awesome stuff in the apartment. So what if there are so many places to hang out at? It'll all feel so much nicer if I had somebody to share it with, somebody to hang out with. Every once in a while, I guess life needs to remind me that money cannot buy happiness and companionship. But I guess till that day, money is just going to have to try as hard as it can.

I'll tell you what money can buy, tickets to go back home and visit mom and dad! yay! I'll be going back to India after 2 whole years!

Daylight savings demystified - 2

A few months ago, I had written a post on daylight savings and promised to be back to travel to the future once again!

Well, this time, I wasn't even in Dallas. I had gone to New York City with a couple of good friends of mine. And NYC has a ton to offer. We were there for just three days and they were three packed days! Ans we didn't even get to see every single thing to be seen!

I leave Dallas, fully aware of the impending time change.

Saturday night - back from a full day of sight seeing. Madame Tussaud, Empire State Building, Chinatown, etc etc etc took their toll on us. Followed by a night tour of NYC. We were back pretty late.

Saturday late night - set alarm, go to sleep

Sunday morning - wake up to alarm, get ready, ready to leave the room for breakfast by 9am. Go down to hotel lobby only to find out you almost missed breakfast because the last serving is at 10am.

What the hell just happened?????

Turns out, the phones don't reset themselves automatically when you are in a different city :-/

Damn you time change!!!!

Playful decision

I had gone to visit some family friends for dinner this Saturday. Their 4 year old grand daughter was there with them. She loves to have guests over and so was excited to see me there. After spending some time talking to her grand mother, I noticed that she was trying very hard to attract my attention. So I went to her. She looked very worried

Me: Hey there! What are you doing?

Little girl: Nothing much, I want to play now

Me: Alright, that sounds like fun! Let's play!

Little girl: But I can't play!

Me: Why not???

Little girl: I have so many games and toys, I can't decide what to play with!

Me: Pick your most favourite toy and we will play with that!

Little girl: But all of them are my favourite

Me: Then close your eyes and just pick one toy and we will play

Little girl: If I close my eyes, then how can I pick something without seeing it? You are not helping me at all!

Me: *stunned silence*

Little girl: I feel very stressed out. So much to play and so little time!

Aaaaaah..... to be a little kid again, where the only worry in the world is not being able to decide what to play! :) :) :)

Like-inable

I came into lab today, expecting my brain to be in a complete mess as I start studying for my neuropharmacology exam. Wow, that's a long word.... good thing its not my neuropsychopharmacology exam (I ain't making that up! There is a course by that name and a journal too!).

Anyhow, I found a couple of reasons in my inbox to smile and lighten my mood before I set off on the path of neuropharm....

1) An auto reply from a professor who is out of town which says...

"I'll get back when I return"

:-/

I really didn't think there was any other way around the issue!

2) An advertisement for a used car going on sale

"You must like it when you see it!!!"

:-/

Ok buddy, I know you love your car but you can't make me do the same!

Alrighty, now that I have gotten all the randomness off my chest, back to work! :P

(Let's hear it for the art of procrastination!)

Far away for far too long

Ever since I bought my car, Dallas has become a very magical city to me. Lots of people give me weird stares when I say I actually started liking the city. Because apparently the general population doesn't like Dallas. People live here because they were born and brought up here or the job was too good to resist. But nobody moves from another place specifically to Dallas if they have another choice.

While it is true that I came here because I didn't have a choice, and it is true I hated it till I got the car, I did have a change of heart ever since. Dallas is an amazing place for a food junkie like me who loves trying out different cuisines for affordable rates. Cost of living is cheap, everything is accessible by car, the city is very well planned. And the medical center, best place to do science!!!! :) So yeah, I love my job, I love the city.

Sometimes its easy to forget that its been a year and a half since I set foot in my own country. Especially for somebody like me, my parents had come to visit me for summer.

But the weight of the whole situation hit me when I was browsing facebook and saw that some of my old school friends had been to my home town recently and had a blast! It was so cool to see pics of them after so many years and realize none of them has really changed. It brings back a truck load of memories, looking at them posing at school, in front of our old classrooms where we stood 6 years ago in our olive green uniform, in front of the ice cream shop we were banned from going to as school kids, at the grounds where we held all our sports events, and all around the city that I have grown up in and have loved always.

Singapore was still alright, it was just a 3 hour flight away. I know some of my friends who went to different parts of India to study who had a much longer commute back home by train. So Singapore was cool, a perfect balance of science (not as good as I would like it to be) and closeness to home.

Sometimes I wonder, if in the pursuit for the perfect science career, I wandered too far away from home... I am madly in love with my job, yes. But I am never around for reunions with family and friends. All I get to do is see pictures on facebook and hear about how I was missed.

Did I do the right thing choosing science over family and friends? Did I do the right thing choosing food for thought rather than food for heart?

I've been away from my country... far away for far too long

I can haz motiwayshun plz?

Being a second year grad student brings in some joys and some sorrows. The main joy being, you know for sure this time that once you are done with the course work, it truly is the last exam you've ever had to write. But that joy seems negligible compared to the sorrow. Oh, I am sorry, its not really sorrow, I think the word I am looking for is STRESS...... S.T.R.E.S.S......... S.T.R.E.S.S


That's because second year in grad school ushers in the qualifying exam, fondly called "quals". And in my university, quals has to be on a topic that is not related to your thesis project. And it has to be a novel research idea. Meaning, nobody else should have worked on this stuff before :-/ Its hard to motivate yourself to think outside of your thesis project.... why is that you ask? Well, let's see, you went through the trouble of going through several lab rotations, most of your rotations revolved around this same topic in science, and you finally picked this lab, not just because the prof and the people are really nice, but also because you are absolutely in love with the science they do. So you are pretty much married to your thesis project... it's like a long term commitment to science in that field.

So now I guess you can understand why I was not happy to have to explore outside to find a topic for quals.

Luckily for me, I am doing a course this semester that requires me to write a term paper on an original research idea, separate from my thesis work. Best part, I can use it as my quals topic if it works out well!!! :D Yay! \o/

Anyways, an unwilling MG sat down to pick out a topic. I figured, "Hey, the whole world is worried about obesity, why not think of anorexia!", and lo behold, I found a nice research topic.

So I collect all the research papers, go through them, file them neatly and get organized, open a blank word document and type in the word "Introduction". At this point, I realize I would like some music in the office. So I turn to Pandora to supply me with some good tunes.

The first song to play as I type in the initial words of my term paper....

APOCALYPSE PLEASE.... by Muse....

:-/

Is somebody trying to hint something at me???? X-(

I can haz some positive motiwayshun naow plz?

kthxbye!

:P

Drinking again

Alcohol??? No way, that's not what I was talking about.

After two years.....

And a lot of craving.....

I finally found it in the Indian grocery store....

Guess what's for breakfast each morning in lab???!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D

Ah, the simple pleasures of undergrad life found their way into grad life!!!!

And errrr... yeah, the pic is a mirror image of the bottle. I don't drink OJIM :P

November's Challenge

I have a really horrible memory. So I can't really remember what the whole deal is, but I vaguely remember clueless telling me something about November being some kind of special thingy where you write one post a day or something to that effect. Wow, I just realized its been ages and ages and ages and ages since Clueless was last featured, no, not featured, even mentioned in my blog! Ah well, been out of Singapore for too long and both of us are following career paths that suit us best!

Anyhooo... back to the matter at hand. I have decided to attempt write a post a day. If not everyday, maybe at least once in two days or so. And meaningful posts, not just "so today, I did blah blah blah". Let's see how that goes.

Life has also become 10 times more hectic than before. I didn't even think that would be possible! But I guess in addition to course work, lab work et al, I have a new thing to worry about.... QUALIFYING EXAM!!!!!

So far all the seniors I know tell me that quals is just a hazing. But I am not so sure. Sitting on this side of quals is pretty scary. The good news is, I have a general area of interest that I want to think about. The bad news is that I don't know what are the right questions to ask and the right experiments to propose. *gulp* Am I screwed or am I screwed? Personally, I think I am screwed :P

Random thoughts

- Driving a U-Haul cargo van is much more fun (and kinda comfy) than driving a car. It also teaches a thing or two about what kind of a driver you are. Turns out, I am not too bad! :D

- My first ever experience renting a car... a bit expensive, but loads of fun, since you get to drive a really good model (and a recent one too!) which has a good mileage and amazing entertainment system! My first ever rented car.... a wine red Ford Fusion!!!!

- A couple of tornadoes formed where I live. And I saw one of them, complete, from the beginning of the formation of a funnel cloud, the elongation of the funnel and of course, the touch down!!!! It was spectacular, breath-taking, but not one bit scary. Of course, it helps to be good at geography and to know that severe tornadoes don't tend to hit big cities as much as they do in villages. Only movies (the end of world kinds) have big, devastating tornadoes hitting the cities.

- I have the sudden urge right now to watch the movie "Twister". I wonder why :P :P

-I am not as poor (financially) as I originally thought. I have realized that it is very possible for me to travel around this country every few months, as long as I plan ahead. The only limiting thing, taking days off from lab. Ah well.... details, details....

- Thanksgiving is coming and that's a four-day block that is wide open. Hmmmm...... *opens google maps*

- I redirected all my university emails to my gmail so that I have only one account that I need to check. Now I have 867 unread messages in my gmail and that bugs me.... *sigh*

- I am not as bad at dancing as I originally suspected. Maybe I should find myself a dance teacher somewhere around

- Violin teacher would be more useful at this point though.

- Its fun for me to scribble down the first thing that pops into my head on this blog. I have never done that before!

- Started a new hobby.... knitting!!!! Wondering if I should take it to the next level... I am currently proficient at making scarves!

- Even after sleeping soundly (didn't even hear my alarm this morning) for 9 hours last night, I still feel drowsy... Damn you hurricane Hermine!!!

- Living near the medical center means I get to hear the ambulance sirens pretty often. Today the number of sirens has drastically increased. Damn you hurricane Hermine! Hope everybody is alright

- Writing a random post is loads of fun, for a change!

- Bottom line - happy to be alive, living in an exciting city, amidst hurricanes, tornadoes, heat waves and blizzards!

Outsourced!

My daily routine involves waking up in the morning and immediately checking my email. Imagine how annoyed I was this morning when I woke up to find that there is no internet connection in the apartment! This the second time I've had internet problems in the past few weeks. Feeling super mad (a horrible way to start the day), I called my service provider's technical support. I am transferred to an agent and this is what I hear (in a strangely familiar accent)

Tech Support: Welcome to tech support, my name is Nick, how may I assist you?

Me (thought bubble): NICK??? ok, whatever you say, "Nick"!

Clearly the guy was not American. But I didn't want to jump to conclusions just based on an accent. So I just went straight into the problem and tried to get things sorted out with "Nick". He needed to run some diagnostics on his computer to resolve my problem. However, unfortunately, the tech support floor had a power outage (whaaaa?!!!) and they were just restarting the systems so it would take a while. While I was waiting for him, I heard my required confirmation from the background...

Random background person: Aiyayoooooooooo!!!!!!

Random background music: "Manmada raasaaaaa manmada raasaaaaa!"

So now I know where their tech support department is located and the mystery of their power outage is now clear to me :P

After all problem was resolved, here's what brought a smile to my face and changed a bad start to an excellent start for the day.

Nick: It says here that you are from India

Me: Yeah, just like you!

Nick: Beg your pardon Ma'am?

Me: I know my call got directed to India!

Nick: (sheepish laugh) haha, yes ma'am, you got that right, but then again, you know how it is here in the call centers right?

Me: Yeah

Nick: Actually we are located in the southern part of India

Me: Yeah, I figured as much

Nick: Wow!! How did you?

Me: Heard somebody scream "Aiyayooooooo!!!!" in the background! Feels good to hear after so long!

Nick: Haha, yeah, that was my friend!

Sometimes, these unexpected encounters are what make me realise for how long I have been outta my own country and reinforce a sense of attachment to yeech yand yeverydhing that made our lives back home.

I talked to a total stranger, Mr. Nick, but I still feel like it was a friend who answered the phone :) :) :)