Saturday, June 26, 2010

Looking forward but moving backward

Here's how things have been playing in my mind since I came to Dallas...

- I will have a peace of mind when I settle into my apartment

- I will feel better once I start getting my stipend

- I will be happy once I find a few friends to hang out with

- I will be happy once I am done with my rotations

- I will get a peace of mind once I join a lab

- I will feel better in this lab once I get my own project

- I will have a better life once I get a car

And so on and so forth....

Well, I have settled in my apartment, I have been getting my monthly stipend all this time, I found friends (not the kind I expected but friends are friends), I am done with my rotations (in style!), I joined a lab (the best in UTSW), I have my own project, I have bought my first car...

Today, I told myself, life will be more interesting once I buy a new laptop...

I don't know why I keep telling myself that I must seek something outside in order for me to feel happy or at peace when experience has taught me that I could get everything I wish for and still be unhappy unless I allow myself to get out of it (experience has also taught me to be careful what I wish for because it might just come true.. really, one of the most horrible wishes of mine came true!)

I watched the strangest movie last night where the heroine actually sad "I like to feel sad". That was the most bizarre thing I had ever heard.

But is it really that bizarre? Aren't we all telling ourselves life will get better... eventually...

Just waiting for that elusive event that will turn our fortunes around...

Maybe its time to stop living for other things/people and to start living for ourselves. Well, I've tried everything else, this is definitely worth a shot :)

2 comments:

Shubhada said...

No amount of material things/comforts are going to give you happiness. Otherwise all the rich people will be very happy and poor people very unhappy. You never know what can give happiness to a person. It may be just observing a beautiful scenary, meeting someone unexpectedly or any little thing. Mostly people around us give us happiness. Many times it is not possible to have people we like around, but one thing we can make sure is we are good to them, so to some extent unhappiness is removed.

To talk about happiness philosophically- Our vedanta tells us that we are part of God come on this earth to get different experiences, learn from them and become as perfect as God. It says that we keep looking for happiness in different things, but finally realise that happiness is not in running after things.

Anyway let us not worry about philosophy. You had been surrounded by good friends and people all the time. Now you are in totally different place and people around you are too occupied to spend time with friends as you used to. The same thing would have happened to your friends who are working. It is a transitional phase in life. Don't worry, you will learn to handle it and will also find some good friend soon.

Wish you all the best.

Clueless said...

I lived like that for a while, too, and then realized I was just wasting my life waiting for things to happen and letting all the good stuff pass by unnoticed and unappreciated.

It's never too late to look up and smell the roses. To be happy with what you have, and not what you lost or what you haven't obtained yet, is difficult, but it isn't unachievable. It just comes with practice and patience. :)

Word verification: radifies. I like to think of myself as a radifier... I make everything rad. ;)