Friday, January 04, 2008

Going on (to) 20!

This is it! The last two days of my teenage life! *sigh*

I can't believe that soon, I won't be able to call myself a teenager anymore. I feel so grown up to be thinking I will be 20 (TWENTY!!! WOW-WEE!!!!! *faints*) soon. Don't get me wrong! I am not worried about growing "old". I know 20 is not old. Heck, I guess even when I turn 30 or 40 I won't consider myself old. Nah, its just me being sentimental about leaving teenage years. Its quite a phase in your life.

When I turned 11, loads of people congratulated me on becoming a teenager. But I refused to accept that I was one. I was eleven. The number didn't end with a "teen". So I waited impatiently for 2 years. When I turned 13, I considered myself eligible to be called a proper teenager! Since then, I have gotten so used to having my age end in a "teen" that I hardly ever gave it a thought. Only now, I have become increasingly aware that I am still a teenager and won't be in another couple of days. But I don't want to turn 20! I want to be 18 till I die!!! ;) ;) :D

I think about the stuff I miss. Generally in life! I miss my school friends. But I know I can always call them up and visit them. I miss my parents when I am in Singapore. Even then, I know I will be back home for vacation. I miss loads of stuff but it always seems like I will be able to get back what I miss, if only I just put in a bit of effort. But when I say "I will miss being a teen", it feels weird to realise that no matter what I do, I will never EVER ever be a teen again. I will never be a little kid again. Gone are the days when people thought a lego set was a good present for me. And it will never come back. Feels weird the way time flies.

As scary as it is, its also sort of satisfying to look back. As I was sitting around and thinking about turning 20, I asked myself, if I could turn back time and do things differently, would there be anything in my life that I would change?

I have complained. Time and time again about the stuff I would have done, and what I should have done. I remember saying that sports was a mistake coz I ended up with a bad knee and nothing else. Even if I did continue sports, I should have changed my school. I complained that I never learnt music when I had the chance. I complained that I never learnt enough in arts and craft. I sometimes feel that I should have paid more attention to studies in school because 12th standard exams taught me that I was more than capable of being school first. Just never put in the effort. Like everyone else on this planet, I have made some bad decisions with regards to loads of issues. Seems like I have a lot to complain about.

So I ask myself again, what are the things I would change if I could.

Amazingly, the answer is nothing! So what if I bust my knee doing sports. I have loads of medals to show off! And good thing I didn't change my school coz I met the most awesome people there! So what if I didn't learn music earlier on. I still have a chance. Like my father said, it doesn't matter if I start learning the violin now and master it only when I turn 40 as long as I have the satisfaction of accomplishing something! I look back and am more than grateful for the arts classes that I attended. They have given me a foundation from which I am able to expand on my own! And so what if I wasn't school first?!!! It seems so trivial now! Nobody even remembers what rank I got in my final exams anyways and it doesn't seem to matter anymore. It would just mean mmore report cards to show off but hey, who cares! I love the way I have lived my life so far and have no regrets *touchwood*. I love science and can't imagine myself doing anything else with my life. I pay equal attention to arts and music and more than enough attention to fun with family and friends :)

Thinking about this sort of stuff makes me feel better. Of course, I would much rather remain a teenager for the rest of my life but time flies when you are having fun.

So folks, I will not enter my twenties kicking and screaming but shall gracefully stroll into my birthday (then I shall run into my semester like Phoebe runs in the park :P :P :P)

Happy New Year everyone! Hope this year will be as much of a blast as the previous years have been :)


Clueless said...

Whee! That's the spirit! Enjoy your last few days of teenage-hood, and don't worry about the future. Being 20 (or more) opens up a brand new set of opportunities! :D

Happy New Year to you too, girlie! :D

Clueless said...

Btw, I can't see the header. Just one giant empty space where it's supposed to be :(

shweta said...

happy birthday ! hope year 20 is as good as it can get!

Clueless said...

Can see now! Can see now! Fretty fretty! :D

soleil said...

Dudette! I have a friend who just turned 28 and he said he thinks his parents got him a lego set! :p Lego is the most versatile of toys. You can make whatever you want out of it ;)

I'm glad you've lived your life with no regrets :) I have only one more thing to say: Welcome to the 20's :D We can still be kids ;)