Sunday, May 17, 2009

The only thing constant....

... is change.

I just spent the last 6 hours packing up my life in university. Packing is nothing to new to undergrads here. We have to move out of our rooms at the end of every semester. So its carton boxes every four months and lugging them around from storage place to room and back. But packing has never really been hard for me. Coz I have never really had to throw much. I throw all the things that I don't need but keep the stuff that matters to me.

But this time its different...

No more luggage storage in some room in the university....

I am moving out of this city.... for good...

It didnt sink in till I started packing. I have either thrown or donated half the stuff that I owned (God bless Salvation Army). All the stuff that I collected with love and care, that I hand picked for my room, all the cranes I made, the origami roses, the documents for the concert I organised last year, my lecture notes, cooking utensils, coat hangers, I could just go on and on...

Four years just flew by... I can't believe it... Jobs and graduate studies used to be just dinner time conversations for us. Today its reality. Harsh reality. We're all leaving each other. My dearest friend has to catch a flight in a few hours. I have watched my other friends come and give her goodbye hugs bigger than any I have seen in the past eight semesters, I know whats going through their minds...

"I don't know when I will see her again".

We tell ourselves that come July, we will all meet up for our convocation. But deep down, we all know its never going to be the same. I don't know how I am going to drop her off at the airport without becoming a mess.

I have never had such a draining night, physically, mentally or emotionally. Throwing all the stuff into the dustbins is like ripping out a part of me and discarding it. I know it sounds overly dramatic. But I really feel that way, seeing my room become emptier and emptier. Thats how much fun I have had these four years and thats how wonderful the memories attached to the objects I throw are.

Soon it will be time for me to lock my room and leave... for the last time. To walk out of hostel life... for the last time. To take a cab out of this university... for the last time.

I dont know where or how I am going to find the strength to move my life, yet again, to a new country, a new city, a new university and start all over again. New place, new friends. Exciting and depressing all at once.

Right now, knowing that nothing is permanent, that change is the only thing constant in life, even though I know I am not alone, even though there are people around me

I feel very lonely and scared inside...

2 comments:

Clueless said...

You did awesome! :D

Zav said...

too good ...girl !i could feel it !