Monday, December 21, 2009

Breakaway

Its been the longest time since I updated my blog (or even paid it a visit!). So much so that I saw Clueless' latest post long after it was published! :O I always manage to catch Clueless' new posts within 24 hours of publication!!! I deserve one tight slap... *slap*... ouch

But in my defense, settling in the USA has been no small task. In fact, I wouldn't say I am fully settled in yet. My definition of "fully settled" is that point of time when you don't feel too homesick and are constantly thinking of jumping on the next flight back to India (and bankrupting yourself in the process). I reached that point within 2 weeks of living in Singapore. Somehow it was so much easier to call Singapore my second home and have loads of fun (while being productive at the same time, of course... what did you expect? I was a student!). But Dallas is a whole new ball game and I was clearly not prepared to handle this.

When I was in Singapore, I used to tell everybody that I just NEED to go to the US to do my Ph.D, not because I don't think Singaporean universities are good enough for me, but because it would be a chance for me to explore a whole new continent. And I love travelling. So it was awesome to think of going to the US and feel excited about the adventures I'd embark on. While I was preparing for GRE, applying to universities and waiting for responses, I used to randomly say stuff to clueless about what I'd do when I move to the US.... eat at the fast food joints at least once simply because this is the motherland of fast food, buy my own car, go to walmart (yeah, that was something of an excitement to me back then), roadtrips, shopping, lab work, living in your own apartment, earning your own money, being completely independent.... The US was like a dream to me... and frustratingly enough, all the universities kept rejecting my application. When I did finally get an acceptance, I was so overwhelmed with joy about stuff falling into place! Finally! Now I am finally spread my wings, explore a new country, a new lifestyle, a new sense of independence, a feeling that the world is mine to conquer.

I took it for granted that settling in the US would be the same if not easier than settling in Singapore. I've been here 4 months and I still really want to just go back home (both Chennai and Singapore). Bottom line... still uncomfortable in Dallas and not feeling completely at home. Everytime I think "Ok, this is it! I have settled in!" something or the other comes my way as if to tell me "Not so easy sista!".

One trusted companion through the whole journey has been my iPod. And as usual, I was listening to songs as I was waiting for the shuttle to university today. And on came Kelly Clarkson singing "breakaway".

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away


I need to remind myself of who I am and all the things that I have. Because I know I am the kind who won't stop till I touch the sky. And I have been given a chance here to live my dreams... I don't know why I am wasting all this feeling this way. Its not easy, but I will change things around here and make life 10 times more awesome than what I had bargained for.

I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

5 comments:

doublehead said...

Good post after a long time. When people from other countries, especially from Europe, US and Canada, they either like a lot and get addicted to India or they hate it a lot and never come back. American to us is more or less like that. Some like it so much that they lose their identity there and some do not like it so much and ponder over whether to stay there or not. The ones who do not like it there and who decide at the right time to come back are the blessed ones. The ones who like it there and adapt themselves to be part of the society are the smartest ones. You can be either blessed or smartest or can be both too. I am sure you make that choice when the right time comes. Until then hang in there and do what Kelly Clarkson says.

I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Keep trying, keep smiling and keep yourself cheerful inspite of all the hurdles you may have to cross before fulfilling your American Dream!!

doublehead said...

Corrigendum to my earlier comment:

When people from other countries, especially from Europe, US and Canada, come to India, they either like it a lot and get addicted to India or they hate it a lot and never come back. America to us

Shubhada said...

Way to go! Happy to see that you are ready to fight the difficulties and win over them. You will succeed. Take a thing at a time. You do not know your own strength. These type of situations will help you to realise it. It is difficult, but just hang in there and one day you will look back upon your life/achievements and be glad that you did not quit. These type of situations are for winning over them. And you will with flying colors! Bright future awaits you. Be cheerful and happy!

soleil said...

I just know you're gonna make it awesome. I haven't spoken to you in a while. Miss you LOADS! *hugz*

Clueless said...

Some songs are awesome right away, others need the right context and frame of mind to make them oh-so-appropriate. :)

Enjoy the settling in process! It will happen, sooner or later. Make the most out of everything you have, and give it your best shot. I know you can. :)