Thursday, May 05, 2011

Writing to destress

A friend of mine brought a paper to my attention about exams. And now suddenly, a few things make sense to me (and a few things surprise me still). But essentially, the paper said that students who are taking exams tend to do better if they write about the stress or whatever before the exam. I don't remember the details. I am so stressed out right now that all the details are fuzzy.

Even details from my own proposal are looking fuzzy! I feel so under prepared for this exam. I am really intimidated by one of my committee members. He is one of the science Gods and I must not anger him. But I haven't read every paper out of his lab and this scares me. A LOT!!!!! I keep oscillating between feeling confident that I will be fine tomorrow, I know my stuff, to feeling like I am so screwed for the exam tomorrow!

A part of me is also really bored of my slides. I have looked at them so many times. I know them really well. But I also know there is no point in having the most brilliant slides in the world unless you know how to use them to your advantage and convey all the information that you intend to deliver to your audience. Being a nervous public speaker, thinking on my feet has never been my strength. I tend to forget stuff to mention every now and then. Its embarrassing as hell when I realize I forgot to mention some detail I was supposed to then have to say, "Oh! I forgot to mention this earlier, but this protein is expressed here as well! Which is why I am looking at this brain region in the first place! Heehee!". Yeah, doesn't look too professional.

I so completely understand what Dawn meant when she said after her qualifying exam that all she wanted to do was to burn all the papers. If I pass tomorrow, that is what I will want to do. But I also love my environment. So I will settle for the recycle bin.

I also feel nervous because this is the first time I have come up with a science proposal all on my own. This proposal is my baby. And my proposal is going to get attacked tomorrow by my committee. I have to try and protect it! This scares the crap out of me!

Now I suddenly understand why just before my exam seasons all through undergrad, the number of blog posts dramatically increased. I was just relieving my stress. So I could perform better in my exam. And now this is what I am attempting to do again. I turn to my blog, one of my best friends, for a source of comfort. And its working. For now. I know this is going to be temporary. I will start freaking out again. At that point, maybe I will call mom and complain about how long the night seems to me.

Its showtime folks! Time to get ready for the biggest exam I will ever take! Wish me good luck! :)

1 comment:

doublehead said...

Relax cousin, nothin is going to happen!!

You remind me of the guilty and nervous sylvester in the cartoon where he finally admits "I did it, I did it" and runs on the street.

After burn the papers if that would help! Reformat the hrad disk and erase everything. Stress management yay!! hehe